[littlemisszombie]

i love my partner very much, and at the same time as helping me, with my issues and problems he just constantly pushes me away. i feel crushed and hurt, because i am constantly trying to trust him, but in april this year, i found out he was messaging somebody online who lives not that many miles away, at a time when i needed him most, and during the spate of time he was messaging this person on the internet and i had got diagnosed with certain things, he was telling me negative things about myself and being nasty without going into detail.

i am trying to get better and well, but i am finding it hard, because i already have big issues about my body etc, but this has made me worse, him messaging someone else, because to be ignored completely and used as a recepticle for him to 'shoot his load' without feeling any love or feeling wanted has left me completely deflated and i think im worthless, and even though we are patching things up, i am constantly paranoid and jealous and thinking he doesnt love me really and that i am not enough for him, not only as a partner but also with regard to sex.

somedays i just want to die, because i feel likei am trying to juggle a million balls at the same time and i cant do it i have all these emotional and other issues in my life, whilst also trying to look after my 2 year old and 15 year old, and even though i have had some positive news about my recovery, i dont know where to turn anymore.

i have talked to him, and when i think things are going ok, i then feel like ***** again immediately afterwards as in my mind i am constantly questioning wether he truly wants me and loves me.

for the majority of time that i have lived with him which is 3 years, for most of the time i have felt not good enough for him, because of his actions towards me, and i love him so much, but i just dunno what to do anymore, and how to be. i am in the throws of finding myself anyway because of my recovery,(i started recovery at the beginning of the year) but i am finding it doubly hard as before i was getting treatment i didnt know who i was anyway, and then even more not knowing who i am whilst being with him. i dont want to split up with him, but i dont think i can carry on like this as i think i am going insane.

he has broke my heart and i dont know how to mend it this time. i am a very complex person with past experiences and current issues, a f**ked up person basically, and i have reached a 30 pronged crossroads and i just dunno what to do what path to take or even, i darent make a decision.

it is like i reached 30, and in the past three years instead of finding myself and being strong, i am a crushed flower that is slowly dying inside and i dont know how to stop it. the only focus i have is my recovery, but recovery for me is a very lonely place, and i am finding it increasingly difficult to carry on without emotional support. practical support, including my partner helping around the home etc is fine, but emotionally i feel like i am left to rot, and i am doing. i just feel so hurt by lots of things, and everything is exascibating everything else. i feel like giving in and giving up, but someone has to be here for the children. i feel trapped in a cycle of having to be strong and normal and fine and dandy and not making a scene or anybody actually truly understanding me. i need a real cuddle in real life, not a smilie hug, though they are nice, but not the same

[jerrymichele]

Sorry this is hard for you. I wouldn't trust him either. Have you thought about ending the relationship. Chatting with someone in secret is a big red flag IMO.

[biplr4me]

I would get rid of him. He is a huge weight in the way of your recovery. You seem to have the basics to get on the path of knowing yourself and what you want but are being held back, even kind of controlled, by him. I agree not to trust him also. 9 times out of ten if you fell like your being used you are. You have your own needs to make you happy and healthy, it looks like you know the answer of what to do to move on with your life and what is important to you

[marjan]

my dear....he's not helpful at all...he's hurting you constantly and not letting you to heal...it's better you cut him loose and be the strong person who is getting rid of him...
you can just tell him to take a break for awhile...then see if you can get relaxed and recovered....
If he's around then you can not get recover and you will have more wounds...

I know these are easy to say....but I'm going through the same kind of issues....now, I feel better by not seeing him at all...I feel day by day I heal....

take care of yourself and stay strong
Marjan

[wiermans]

I cant judge about your partner. The problem is when you are not healthy at the moment he will have problems with it as well. Perhaps it is wise to confront him with his conduct. It is indeed very difficult when you dont feel loved and hugged in the real life......

Good luck!

Lots of love
W

[VickiesPath]

Dear LittleMissZombie,

My dear girl, you are hurting so much, I truly understand that you have such pain and disappointment at this time. Plus, the responsibility of the children and household is overwhelming when you add it to trying to manage your recovery. If you might allow it, I would like to offer another perspective for you to consider. It is only a suggestion.

Whenever one person in a family unit changes, as in recovery, the family unit changes. Everyone's role is affected. You do need support. And I do hope that you are at least getting part of that support from the professionals who are helping guide you through your recovery and the other people you are meeting as you go through this.

I wonder if your partner turned to this person online for his support? I'm not saying in any way that what he is doing is acceptible, if indeed it is harming your relationship. But when a SO (you in this case) goes through recovery and changes, sometimes the partner doesn't know what to do. They aren't seeing the person they once knew and knew how to react to. It is a big change for them, too. Many times, the entire family unit must go through the recovery process to do it successfully.

Four months is a short period of time upon which to make such major decisions such as breaking up or whatever. Could the both of you go to therapy?

At the very least, if I were you I would begin building my own support system outside of your relationship. Do you attend group therapy? Are there support groups?

Remember the movie About a Boy with Hugh Grant? The boy said "one is not enough." You need a dozen, a dozen support people.