Unconditional Love?

To me unconditional love is love that is unconditional and cannot be destroyed. If I am honest the only people that I truly love unconditionally are my children. There is nothing that they could ever do that would cause me to love them any less. I certainly get frustrated, annoyed and angry with them, but I love them more than anything every second of every day and that will never change. I hate the words never and always, but in this situation, I have the utmost confidence that the word fits.

From the moment I knew I was pregnant with my oldest son I loved him. At the time I could not imagine loving him any more than I did at that moment. The first time I held him it grew, the first smile, the first kiss, the first I love you mommy, and as his personality grew, I loved him more and more. When I found I was pregnant with my second daughter I was very concerned, how could I possibly have enough love to share with them both? But just as with my son, it was the same with my daughter and the following two children.

I love my husband with all my heart and soul, and I cannot conceive of him doing something that would destroy that love. Odds are that he never will, but if I am honest I admit it is possible if not probable. The same holds true for family and friends although to a lesser degree.

Sabby,

Very insightful......

When my partner asks "Do you love me"......

I say "Would I die for you?"........

Yes........

From a person who does not understand love.......and seeks peacefully to love unconditionally.......

That is my equation.......I cannot love in halves......and that is why I love rarely......

My loyalty is unconditional, even when one seeks to destroy........I move on and gradually my loyalty is taken back to me.

For me, to love unconditionally, means I would die for them......

Just a thought.......

In stillness

Michah

(((((((((((( Michah ))))))))))))))

What could be more unconditional love than to offer your life for that of another? Beautiful!


sabby

(((((((((((( Lenny ))))))))))))))))

I remember that interview well. How my heart went out to that father who was so torn, so tired, so sad and who so loved "his" son. That is the quintessental "unconditional love".

I suppose we would have to be in a situation similar to understand how he could still love the son who became a beast. But at the same time, there are parents all over the world who's children have committed heinous crimes and they still love their children...no matter what.

There is a history between parent and child. There is the moment of conception to the moment of birth to raising the child to the best of their ability. How can those kinds of bonds be broken? How can the unconditional love go away when it's been there since the beginning? I really don't see how, so I guess in my way, I can understand how Mr. Dahmer still felt love towards his son.


sabby

This speaks to me...to those who often feel downtrodden and rejected, all they need is a little unconditional love, that is all........

I agree...........but (isn't there alway a "but")

If you were with a partner who you loved deeply and had a significant amount of time invested, but who, on occasion would engage you in abusive behavior, which one of these actions, although very difficult because of the depth of the commitment to the relationship, would be the most loving:

1. You stay in the relationship and allow the other person to continue to abuse you while suffering greatly and allowing that person to believe that it is OK in our world to treat his/her partner, the SO in their life, in a manner that is both physically and mentally injurious, as long as the rest of the relationship runs smoothly. The SO refuses to acknowledge that there is any problem with the behavior and promises each time, that it will not happen again.

2. You decide, after putting up with this countless times, that the relationship is not healthy or loving so you decide to end it, which ends the physical and/or mental abuse for you and it also teaches the abuser that the behavior is not acceptible in our world and will not sustain a loving relationship.

Granted, this scenario doesn't include allowances for efforts to change the behavior, etc. But as for the action itself, which scenario demonstrates the most loving course of action, even though it may be a very hard thing to do? Sometimes unconditional love includes making hard decisions regarding the most loving course of action when clearly the current pattern is unacceptable. You can still love them and support them but do not do it at the cost of your health. You are teaching them an unloving thing if you do.

Maybe I'm missing the point. I don't think that unconditional love stops even if you must make hard decisions and part ways. There are many ways of loving. I suppose I might be missing the original premise of the question posed in the beginning.

I know I'm writing too much here. But I have one more point.

You know the song "I Will Always Love You" that Whitney Houston made a hit of? Well, Dolly Parton wrote that song. Now, I'm sure that none of you (unless you are weird like me) know who she wrote that song about.

Well, yes, I'm going to tell you. Porter Waggoner. Dolly got her career started singing with Porter Waggoner on his show back in the 1960's. I used to watch her. She and Porter had a very long friendship and after she had made a name for herself, she left his show and the rest is history.

Porter died last year. It was then that Dolly finally admitted to the public that she wrote that song about Porter. There was never anything intimate about their relationship but he did lauch her career. And she left when the time was right.

OK, now you can officially say that I'm stupid. But I see a similarity there. And you know what else?

For all you TV nuts like me, on the TV show NCIS, the character of Mike who was Gibbs' old boss, their relationship is as close to unconditional love as two men (who aren't gay) could possibly ever get.

OK, I'm done. Say goodnight, Gracie.

unconditional love? absolutely! for all ? positively!

Junerain

That was good, but my idea of unconditional love is expecting nothing in return, including love and acceptance. I got hung up on that last line: "So they will see the light that shines through you and me." It sounds conditional to me - i.e., give something so you can get something back (love). What would happen if they refuse your light and turn you away? Would you continue to love them?

(((((((((( Vickie ))))))))))))

You didn't miss a thing at all about this subject and I completely agree with you about your example! Sometimes the best unconditional love you can give is to walk away while still holding them in your heart forever, unconditionally. I don't see walking away as a condition on your love, I see it as a safety and self care issue.....and one does not have to stop loving another who has harmed them and very often people do still love those who have hurt.

((((((((((( Junerain ))))))))))))

That is a lovely sentiment and I thank you for sharing it!

(((((((((((( KathyM ))))))))))))

Excellent question regarding Junerain's post. In my mind, I think of that last line as sending the hope one has that others may see our light and love. I don't consider it to be a condition. I'm sure many of us have been in the position of giving our unconditional love to someone only to have it kicked and stomped on. How painful that is.....so very painful. I myself have been in that position, but I found that once I was able to work through the pain, my love still was there for the one who stomped on it. I just loved them from a distance and protected myself from more pain.


sabby

I have experienced this and dang it hurts, And what hurts about it is the love cannot be stopped. . theres expectarions that cause the pain. A hope for a respose in kind to lght a greater fire. ..
some acknowledhement or return. So It is not unciditional love.

I give very litttle unconditional love . if I give something anonymously and no one ever knows what I did Thats close to what the conditions might be for what unconditional love may be. Love without acknowlegemet .and be okay with that.

My dog did not care what i did or said to her . I gave her food and water and a tennis ball and . that is what bonded her to me .

I wish it were unconditional. love she showed me .. but alas ...she had others... and did what ever it took to nurture the chow...

Patricia

"Unconditional love" to me is simply accepting a person for who they are and loving them as is...no matter who they are. One could think hard and decide that condition is involved because we feel good about loving another. As human beings I don't think we can stop ourselves from having positive feelings as a result of loving another. That is part of the beauty of love itself, though. Giving begets receiving which begets more giving...It's a beautiful thing to which everyone involved benefits from. I try to think of it that way. It isn't less of a feeling because we feel good about it. Emotions are what make us human. Love is a gift that has been given to us. It brings us joy and keeps us alive.

A conditional is a relationship between two variables. So if I say 'If I'm wrong then I'll eat my hat' I am saying that I will eat my hat on the condition that I'm wrong. If I'm not wrong - then I don't have to eat my hat.

To say 'I'll unconditionally eat my hat' then I'm saying that I'll eat my hat quite independently of whatever else obtains (e.g., whether I'm wrong or not).

So... Unconditional love is (presumably) love that isn't dependent on anything. Typically the thought is that unconditional love isn't dependent on anything that the person who is the object of the love does.

Here is a question for you... Pick the person who you think might be the best candidate for your unconditional love. Now ask yourself whether your love for them would be altered (diminished lets say) if they did certain things. E.g., if they didn't love you back, if they came to positively hate you, if they went on to rape and murder and pillage, if they went on to aspire to the works of Hitler etc. If you would continue to love them despite their deeds then... Your love would be unconditional.

Is unconditional love something that we want to aspire to?

Perhaps. I think that love can come quite apart from the issue of accepting or condoning behavior. But... Do we love Hitler and co? Don't know...

In my mind 'unconditional love' is the hardest love to have or say you have for somone....

It requires vast amounts of forgivness with possibley never having been given anything but trouble from the one you 'unconditionaly love' !

Its somthing that within me was tested to its limits and was not found wanting, so I know its a real love and also just how hard it can be to love somone like that.

hi kim.. in response to:

I think that love can come quite apart from the issue of accepting or condoning behavior. But... Do we love Hitler and co? Don't know...

for me, this is the part of love that needs clarification.. love is not always loving whatever people do, but (for me) is caring about what others might do and how thier personal actions affect not only themselves, but the others around them... love for Hitler might mean something like praying for or encouraging such a person to seek medical and mental health before such atrocities are committed.. there was a serious lack of love in someone like Hitlers life before history was made... love in the precedent might have altered history..

I have a hard time with unconditional love. I know for a fact that I do not unconditionally love my mother, or my grandmother. There are only two people who I see myself loving unconditionally, and they are my younger brother, and the boy who I'm "dating". No matter what either of those boys do I always think of why they did it, not how it's unacceptable. No matter what the situation is, I take their sides. And any pain they feel hurts me, and makes me want to forever care for them and make it go away. There have also been times where I have made mistakes with them and unintentionally hurt them, and it is the worst I have ever felt emotionally in my life.

Unconditional love is a hard thing to give out, because if it isn't accepted, what do we do with it? If we're rejected in our unconditional love, we can't just say "Oops, never mind then. I guess I don't love you." I'm lucky enough to have not been rejected in my love, and to know that no matter what, these people will always be in my life, even if it isn't in the way I could have hoped.

unconditional love IM adding here sorry to my other post.....is being able for them to be them and me to be me...also being able to say the truth if i feel they are indanger or for them to be able to say the truth to me.....with still loving each other ....I hope that made sense.....

Kelly unconditaioal love to me also means i can love with out expecting it back...

I have unconditional love for my children & amazingly they have it for me. I have it for my husband of 35 yrs. (but been together since teenagers), but unfortunately, he doesn't have unconditional love for me...

Hi Lenny

I agree 100% with that sentiment!! I definitely have experienced unconditional love from my pets.

As far as unconditonal love among humans... I don't think our species is capable of it as most relationships among humans are simply transactional in nature.

For example in romantic relationships... we invest love, care and time in another person in hopes that they will love us, care for us, have sex with us, be our friend, etc, etc.

In these transactional relationships... when we don't feel that we are getting a good return on our investment.... in other words.. the person is not reciprocating love, sex, friendship, caring, time, etc... at a level that is to our satisfaction.. we become unhappy with the relationship.

Anywho... IMHO... the only human relationships that are not transactional are probably parent/child and possibly relationships among siblings. These relationships are about the closest humans get to unconditional love/caring but even these have their limits.

Dogs and cats do not have limits to their love... lol. They just love ya no matter what.

Just my $0.02.

I think there’s another aspect of unconditional love that I’ve overlooked if it’s been previously posted, its blanket forgiveness without even having to ask. For me that’s the hardest pill to swallow with all people other than my children.

Hi there,

This is a pretty good topic you've put up ((sabby))... It got me thinking...
Well, first of all I do not have children, I do not have a husband and I do not have a boyfriend, so may be your version of unconditional love is something I am unable to relate to, may be in a few years time (if God, Almighty wills, that is).

But unconditional love is there in all kinds of relationship, as I see it. Be it in a husband- wife relationship; boyfriend-girlfriend relationship; parent- child or sibling - sibling relationships....

Love is the strangest and the strongest emotion that holds the world together.

And every time the word "love" is said, the world's greatest love is of course 'motherly love'. The love that flows from the mother to her child is simply wonderful and strong. That is where we learn our first lessons of love.

It is when our mothers do not show their love to us that we become hard hearted or selfish in showing our love to others. That is when love is said to be painful. There are some who, when madly in love, don’t know what to do and end up hurting the person they love. Though they won’t be courageous enough to ask for forgiveness, inside them they will be burning with guilt, thinking “Oh God! Why did I ever hurt her/him??” and this would only intensify their love for the victim and hence more pain and suffering.

And just as I say unconditional lovers tend to hurt more, some keep it very quite. They think showing their love through words and hugs and all that is just a waste of time and that will only take away their status in the family or society.

There are others who show their love at its extreme level. Even the simplest wound to the beloved is a big disaster to them. They fill up their loved one with gifts, kisses and hugs, and everything they need and do not need.

While some others, they know exactly how much is to be given and taken care of. They won’t go to ends to show their love. Nor would they hide what they’ve got in them.
And there are yet others, who try their level best to conquer the hearts of their loved ones but in vain.
For example, my dad; I know he really loves me and wishes the best for me. But he has never succeeded in showing his love for me. I still don’t feel it in him, after 21 years of my life with him! It might be strange, but it’s true. When people love me, I am able to connect to them easily and I get along quite well with them, except with him. Why? I still haven’t got any answer. May be because of the way he treated me when I was a kid. Or may be because of the arrogant way he normally behaves with everyone. The problem of all these is I have become more or less like him than like my mom. But thankfully, some of my mom’s love has got into me.
This just occurred to me when Trying & Caring said this:
“I have unconditional love for my children & amazingly they have it for me. I have it for my husband of 35 yrs. (but been together since teenagers), but unfortunately, he doesn't have unconditional love for me...”
I thought may be her husband does have love for her. Only he does not want to or does not know how to show it.

P.S. : Sorry for making my post too long . I just had to put my thoughts somewhere. Pls tolerate me……


Blubaby

Erm.. sorry about that small font in my last post... I don't know how to edit it...

((((Peppermint_Patty))))))))))))))))))))))))) I have to say with friends parterners there can be unconditalional love.
I have a friend who has a daughter who was parellized years ago from the neck down. Shes a amazing girl ..amazing she lived. She a few years ago marryed. There is no amking love in thier life. They love each other as they are unconditionaly. True love......
Another friend years and years ago, Her husband had a heart attack, That part of thier life was gone forever. His heart was to weak. They loved each other till he left this earth.
I think some ppl are capable of loveing others for who they are with wanting nothing in return.
Ppl are amazing .......tc care of you kind one always

hi Patty, there was a time when i was very confused about unconditional love and for a time in my life i also questioned what it was, how it could be, and for a time i pondered the relationships between people and for awhile i saw love and people from your angle, that is, as conditional.. at the time it gave me some security to know what was expected of me, what was expected of others and it seemed like it all should be a pretty fair deal if we all gave/received equally... but there was something missing in it all for me... what if i couldnt deliver what was expected of me? was i then unworthy of love? i couldnt deal with that, it seemed too automated and unitized for me, knowing my exact worth was only what i could give to others... being depressed there were many times i was unable to give the thing others needed and it made me feel more valueless than i did already...

when we attach trade value to people we create a situation where everything (and i mean everything) is for sale.. a loaf of bread has the same value as the human body, something i can buy, manufacture and sell...

there is an unconditional love greater than what you are thinking.. it is the unconditional love of God, or Spirit, or any name you might choose to prefer to call the Higher Power... the love from this being is greater than what any mere human can achieve... no matter what we might have done in our past, the unconditional love we are unable to receive from people, is available from this source, whatever you imagine that source to be...

many people are in tune with this great source of unconditional love and tho they are not great beings themselves, they attempt to bring that love into the world and share it with others with hope that its kindness might heal misunderstanding and divisions among the people of the world...

the hope they share is what feeds the hungry, clothes the poor, gives shelter to those in need... and the needs are many... without this great love our planet would be in far worse shape.. think how much better shape it might be in if more people shared this love and faith?

the difference between conditional and unconditional love is a matter of the difference between faith in humans and faith in God and while this sounds like a post that might be better placed in Spirituality forum, i can think of no greater unconditional love than that of God...

may you have a blessed and wonderful day