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Old Aug 29, 2009, 08:24 AM
hecate hecate is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Posts: 5
Just a slight background first. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We've had a few ups and downs, at first he presented as a kind , caring, empathetic individual. Over time, I am starting to see NONE of this. I guess i'm seeing 'true colors'.

There has been times that we've had conversations and he will raise his voice to me in a tone that I don't feel is appropriate, or nice at all. I am starting to wonder if its just me sometimes, like he says. We can be having a conversation on the phone, and if I don't hear something he says (he talks very fast) he gets extremely irate and will say "I TOLD you ALREADY, looks like I have to tell you AGAIN". DON"t you listen". Things like that. I have yelled at him over the top of his voice, because he doesn't stop! I actually hung up the phone on him the other night because I didn't want to hear it, because he started again. I've NEVER done this in a relationship. I do not want to become that way, i've mentioned it to him so many times.

We have had some pretty good arguments just over that and I told him I will not be talked to in that tone of voice. At first he says he's sorry (more toward the beginning of the relationship) then it happens all over again.
I am the type of person who, if asked a question will usually contemplate just a bit and take my time answering, which aggravated him to no extent. He is just the opposite.

I could go on and on about the things he's said. I just want to get a baseline on what everyone else thinks, and if anyone has had anything similar in there lives.

Thanks so much!

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  #2  
Old Aug 29, 2009, 09:53 PM
jerrymichele's Avatar
jerrymichele jerrymichele is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,177
Yes I have had this happen to me. I will hang up on someone if they yell at me, and start insulting me too. When your bf starts acting like this ask him to stop b----ing at you. I can not stand any of that.
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  #3  
Old Aug 29, 2009, 10:13 PM
VickiesPath's Avatar
VickiesPath VickiesPath is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Posts: 2,779
Quote:
Originally Posted by hecate View Post
Just a slight background first. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We've had a few ups and downs, at first he presented as a kind , caring, empathetic individual. Over time, I am starting to see NONE of this. I guess i'm seeing 'true colors'.

There has been times that we've had conversations and he will raise his voice to me in a tone that I don't feel is appropriate, or nice at all. I am starting to wonder if its just me sometimes, like he says. We can be having a conversation on the phone, and if I don't hear something he says (he talks very fast) he gets extremely irate and will say "I TOLD you ALREADY, looks like I have to tell you AGAIN". DON"t you listen". Things like that. I have yelled at him over the top of his voice, because he doesn't stop! I actually hung up the phone on him the other night because I didn't want to hear it, because he started again. I've NEVER done this in a relationship. I do not want to become that way, i've mentioned it to him so many times.

We have had some pretty good arguments just over that and I told him I will not be talked to in that tone of voice. At first he says he's sorry (more toward the beginning of the relationship) then it happens all over again.
I am the type of person who, if asked a question will usually contemplate just a bit and take my time answering, which aggravated him to no extent. He is just the opposite.

I could go on and on about the things he's said. I just want to get a baseline on what everyone else thinks, and if anyone has had anything similar in there lives.

Thanks so much!
I am going to tell you something that I rarely tell in public because the man I am married to today is nothing like the one I married ten years ago tomorrow (yes, same man, tomorrow's our tenth wedding anniversary).

When we got married, we had actually not spent a lot of one on one time together, yet we were madly in love and knew we wanted to be together. But the first three years of our marriage were heartbreaking for me because I was not used to his manner of "banter". We would be discussing something and would have a disagreement in what was communicated and he would say, "I do not know how I could have possibly been any more clear when I said that.......blah blah blah" totally denying that it could have been even a tiny bit his fault that the misunderstanding had occurred. Now. Here's the maddening part. He is almost deaf. Yet, he would not allow for that handicap in the miscommunications we would experience.

Honestly, I told him that in all of my life, even when I was a government investigator where my job was interviewing government witnesses had I NEVER had any difficulty understanding what people were saying to me. He didn't get it.

Sometimes, simply learning how to speak to each other makes the relationship so much easier. Do you think it would help you and your boyfriend?

Well, it took YEARS for us to work this out. And lots of tears. Eventually, we were able to sit down, and calmly talk about the fundamentals of communication, such as "when you say this, it makes me feel that" etc.
Things that seemed so obvious to me were totally foreign to him.
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Degrading tone of voice?Vickie
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