Beyond Teenage Angst

I know that there's some kind of rule out there that states teenage girls are meant to run into turmoil with their mothers. Okay, never did that because my mom and my dad fight like the dickens.

My mom, being of a subordinate, weak nature, never fights back with him, and for eighteen years I have been her scape goat from reality. The one that she takes her anger out on. And I did nothing to her. For the first half of my life, I have sympathised with her weak, unfortunate soul. In return I reccieved misuse. Years and years of unintentional bad parenting.

I used to be a cutter. Because of her. She made me feel subhuman, whenever she would yell at me, I felt like I was worthless, not meant to be born, not human. When she found out I was a cutter, and she learned I did it because of her, things changed, for a day.

She's still mean to me, tells me not to cry, I have no rights to feel, I shouldn't be sad... when I have to bear the burden of her childlish reasoning. I can't stand it. I stopped cutting because of a best friend who loved me, but she didn't even care. She didn't show any regard.

She caught me in the act of cutting myself once. Her words? "Clean that up or you'll make a mess."

I can't take it. When she talks to me, I want to die.

Hi taylor

Can you move away?

((((((((Hugs)))))))))

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

Geez, I wish I could help you, heal you, or fix you. Or better yet fix your parents. Parents can inflict damage that can never be fixed. Many of us are here because of it. Maybe the best you can hope for is to be honest with yourself, don't bury hard memories, accept them for what they are, your history. It seems easier at the moment to escape, but years later the anguish remains and you can't remember why. Life doesn't get easier that way, it gets messier.

Your parents are good role models. Don't be like them. Is there an adult you know who represents your values? It can be someone alive, or from history, or from religion, or maybe even made up. I read Sidhartha (?) as a teen and he, the Buddha, was who I wanted to be like.

It is very helpful to sort out your feelings in writing, here, and share them.

Be patient. You will find your own way soon.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Taylor}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know just how you feel. Read this for starters.

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://link><http://forums.grohol.com/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=generalmh&Number=18550&page=1&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=0&part=>Beauty Is In The *I*</A>

My ex-therapist wrote this and it did wonders for me and my self-esteem. Keep posting. You'll get lots of loving support here.

Remember to take care of YOU.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Unfortunately we can not chose our parents. But, we can choce how we deal with them

I am the fathe rof a teen that was cutting for a while. He had been through a great deal not the least of which was the divorce between his mom and I. His mom is a very manipulative and emotionally unstable individual. She is verbablly abusive and does a better job of robbing someone of their self esteem than anyone I know. That is why I left her.

With me gone her next best target was my son. He would complain bitterly about how he felt that his mom didn't feel that he was good enough, smart enough, whatever. Fortunately his mom cares enough about him to take him to counseling and a pdoc and he is on medication. Plus, in a rational moment, she knows what she does is swrong, she simply can not control it.

I had to step in and tell her VERY bluntly and directly waht she was doing to the kids. Not surprisingly I received some fallout from this and the kids were grilled about my comments. But, I didn't back off, as a result things seemed to have improved.

The bottom line is again, we can't chose our parents. And sometimes, even with good intentions, parents ahve their own demons they are battling. You need to try and do your best to be strong, rise above the issues with your mom and be the best person you can be. Do not let her issues and her problems bring you down.

My thoughts are with you.