[VanillaBean]

I'm currently living with my aunt. I moved in with her about three months ago, after leaving my home state which is over 1,000 miles away from us. She is my mom's younger sister and we have had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. Years ago I moved out to where she is (this is my second time living here) and her husband kicked me out after falsely accusing me of a number of things, none of which had any effect on the house, him, or my aunt. My aunt took his side after I turned down an invitation to see some other relatives who were in town visiting and admitted that I didn't want to be around her husband, and her response was basically "Screw you. Have a nice life." After that we didn't talk for over a year. Right before I moved back to my home state I tried to call her to let her know what was going on with me (I was in a bad relationship and was basically fleeing to escape my ex), and couldn't reach her. I found out over the next couple days that she wouldn't take my calls because she felt like I "only" wanted to spend time with her or talk to her when I wanted something - which was completely untrue. I blamed that on her husband, who I feel has never liked me... and why he has always had a problem with me I have no idea.

So now her husband no longer lives here - they began having a lot of problems and she told him she wasn't happy, and at first they went to counseling and it helped a little, but then she realized she'd never feel the same way about him that she did when they first fell in love; too much damage had been done. However, he still pays the mortgage on the house she and I live in. And he has been in to visit three times since I moved in, two of which he insulted me and my mom (his wife's SISTER), and one of which he all but ignored me the entire four days he was here - he only grunted at me the couple times I said "good morning" or "hello" to him. He's coming in again at the end of the month and AGAIN for Thanksgiving and I have no plans to be around.

Ever since the last time he was here I've been thinking of moving out. I do not feel comfortable living in a house that he owns. He comes in about once a month but that is too much for me. My aunt always talks about all the things we can all do together while he is here, but then when he gets here he is either nasty to me or ignores me, and they end up leaving me at home to go out on the town. I don't care about not being invited - I hate being around him. I just don't get why she acts like that.

Anyway, she is planning to take over the mortgage eventually because she doesn't want him to be paying for a house he doesn't even live in. She asked me for rent, which originally we agreed I wouldn't have to worry about until I find work because I am getting a very meager amount of unemployment and she makes about ten times what I get per month, and she was going to help me out (that was her idea). After the last time her husband was here she asked me for it and said she'd been "waiting" for me to "offer" to give her money, which was news to me since she'd initially said she was going to help me out - I'd live here rent free and do all the cleaning, cooking, and buy groceries. She made me feel really bad about it, like there was something wrong with me because I hadn't tried to give her money up to that point. I was very confused and embarrassed; I would never "leech" off anyone like that.

She still hasn't taken over the mortgage because she says she can't afford to, but every week she goes out and buys $500 purses and $200 jeans. I don't get that part, but oh well, it's none of my business.

She has been really moody lately, sometimes being really nice and fun and others snapping at me, complaining that I didn't do something around the house "right", or just plain ignoring me for no reason - tonight she came home, walked right past the room I'm in and walked upstairs without saying a word. Then she slammed her bedroom door. I texted her, and she never replied. I have NO idea why she's acting that way. She has been down in the dumps lately and was just put on an antidepressant which she has yet to start taking, but I do not think that makes it acceptable to be mean to someone or ignore them for no reason. I don't act mean and then use my AS as an excuse. I'm still responsible for my actions.

So I am worried about her, annoyed by her moodiness (at least when I'm upset I tell people WHY), and am feeling guilty about possibly moving out and taking my monthly rent with me. I'm not sure how to approach her. Any ideas?

[billieJ]

If you originally ageed that she would help you financially, and you would do the household chores, then I assume you have lived up to your part of the bargain. You can't do more than you can do. How long before you are able to live out on your own? That can be the best part of life, no matter what kind of a basement or attic it is! billieJ

[VanillaBean]

Originally Posted by billieJ

If you originally ageed that she would help you financially, and you would do the household chores, then I assume you have lived up to your part of the bargain. You can't do more than you can do. How long before you are able to live out on your own? That can be the best part of life, no matter what kind of a basement or attic it is! billieJ

Thanks for responding

I am in no position to live on my own right now - I would likely just go back to my home state and move in with my parents until I find a job and can get back on my feet. I'd have to pay rent there too, but at least I won't have to deal with mood swings and being ignored - and the homeowners aren't mean, hateful people

[jerrymichele]

I would just give her what you can, and start thinking of somewhere else to move. She could be having problems with her husband. I have never been able to understand relationships like that.

[AAAAA]

I think it's time you move on. Perhaps "until you get a job" wasn't meant to be so long to her. Being an adult living in someone else's home is difficult under the best circumstances.

Yes I think its time to move on too.

She is not happy with the way things are and its her house then you have no choice.