Trouble asking for help

So this semester my financial aid was doubled (thank you Obama) and I got this assistantship. So, for once, I finally had some extra money. Well I made my budget for the semester and decided to do something nice for my family. My mom and step-dad are remodeling their house and my brother is as well. So I got them both gift cards to Lowe's and also bought my niece a gift card for iTunes.

Well, of course after I spent all this money on my family stuff came up (like it always does). Like my electric company accidentally took out my payment twice and then because they took out double the money it put me negative and then I got charged by my bank and I have to wait like 10 days to get the check from the electric company and have the charges refunded. Then my credit card company raised my apr out of nowhere and I got some crazy finance charge which put me over my balance so I had to call and ask them to lower my apr and take off the charge because I wasn't over and wasn't late on my balance - they just randomly raised my apr.

Then, my other credit card, said that they just cancelled it. I wasn't over, never late on my payments. They said that with the economy they are having to cancel a bunch of accounts for no reason and specifically said it wasn't from my credit.

So then, I had an accident at work and workman's comp didn't take care of it right away so they turned me over to collections even though workman's comp told me they paid it. So now I can't even apply for a temporary loan or credit card to help me out right now because they put collections on my credit report because of stupid workman's comp.

So anyways.....obviously I'm pretty broke right now. But my mom has always brought me up to be very independent and self-reliant so it's really hard for me to ask for help, especially financially. My boyfriend has said several times he doesn't mind loaning me money and doesn't mind taking care of things until my insurance is figured out and I get that refund from the electric company but I feel so........dirty I guess would be the best word, taking money from him. Yesterday he gave me a 20 because he has to go out of town for a conference and said "just take it so you have some cash while I'm gone" and I felt horrible. I hate feeling like I'm not contributing and like I'm not bringing in any income. I don't even know if I'm looking for advice. I just never thought I would be in a position where I had to rely on someone else and it feels horrible. I feel like my independence has been stripped from me. And he doesn't tell me how to spend it or give me crap for it or anything. He never mentions a word about it but I still feel so awful.

You were dealt a bad hand ~ it is nice that your boyfriend gave you a little bit of money to make things a bit easier. It stinks that you can use that $. You're in a bad position. But, it's just a bad deal of the deck. Things will iron out pretty smoothly. In the future, try to keep a little extra money set aside for events like this...because ***** happens from time to time. And it isn't ever fun .

Take care !
Shez

HI salukigirl,

I was raised exactly the same way you were. But you know what? That doesn't necessarily make it the only right way. It took me years to understand this. It is a good thing to be able to generally take care of yourself. I did this for a very long time and still do to a certain degree. But my husband doesn't mind helping me at all. And this is the first time I've ever known it like this.

Taking money from someone who cares about you when you need it is a good thing. It means that you have the ability to care for yourself. No one looks down on you for doing that. And i'm sure your boyfriend is happy to do it.

All the rest of the stuff you've had to go through recently sucks. No one would be happy about it. So, let yourself enjoy a little help. It's not much but it is a little help. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I don't know if it will help, but you might remind yourself that your feelings are based on your past experience? Maybe "borrow" $20 from the boyfriend more often (even occasionally spend it :-) and get your experience a little more even and then you might not have as much trouble borrowing when you truly need it, like now.

I had Citibank (now Citi) do that with my credit card in the 1970's and not bother telling me, they just didn't send me a new card and I had to call them to have them tell me they'd cancelled! Nowadays, I prefer to think of it as that bank having troubles (I'm the right size, it's the pants that don't fit) and I steer clear of that bank.

Can you think how "rich" you'll be again when all these idiots give you back the money they took? :-) That would make me feel better, that next month I'll be back on track?

Those are really good ways of looking at it. I know it will all be okay because it always works itself out no matter what. He pretty much refused to let me get a second job because this is the first time since I have started school that I havent had two jobs while going to school full time and I graduated in May so he said he doesnt want me to have to work so much and let me focus on school more. Im trying to be okay with it. I have to be okay with it anyways so I guess Ill get over it eventually haha. thanks guys.

you ARE contributing!!!

Look at all those gifts!!! We all run into financial issues i can understand how you feel. You boyfriends sounds nice

It seems to be you are being hard on yourself
hugs