FINANCIAL differences in marriage

He wants to build a small office on existing property. It would mean a mortgage. He states that the mortgage will be paid from the rents. All expenses for building will be covered by rents.

We have a mortgage that is a strain on me menatally and will be difficult to manage if interest rates rise. I am not a business person I am 59 unemployed housewife. At this stage of my life I want to downsize and get rid of property. I do not wish to be in the rental business my goal is to get out of it. We have been trying to sell lots, houses, small farm, for over 2 years. I am very much against his office project.

My question is what am I supposed to do? I dont want to deal with the permitting, financing, bill paying, sub contractors, real estate taxes,county departments, tenants, insurance agents and general problems associated with this project. What do couples usually do in situations where they are at opposite ends of project? I am stressed enough about finances and mortgage just keeping us going each month.

My husband is a man of visio and is trying to make us money. I appreciate that fact . I just dont want to deal with the worry of how to pay the mortgage when we have a vacancy or repairs to deal with. I love my darling husband but he is making me so stressed out I am ill. Your thoughts please.

Have you expressed how ill you feel to your husband? Is the communication in your marriage good?

Hi...
Just a thought, but perhaps printing out your post and asking him to read it would help...you've expressed yourself very well, clearly and honestly.
Most likely it will start a heart-to-heart talk. At least I hope it does...

Jmo, but your feelings about it should be honored. As you've said, this is a source of a great deal of stress for you. Is it really worth going ahead with this when it's only going to cause you more stress?
At this stage of my life, I wouldn't want to do this, either.

While I appreciate your husband wanting to make money, the personal cost to you may be a very high price to pay... and that to me is not a good trade-off.

In Peace

We had a calm discussion where he told me what he wanted to do. Thend I stated cealry that it would add to the burdens I feel already. When he told me today he had a meeting at the bank I felt physically ill with chest pain, headache, weakness in general.

My husband tells me that I am no good when it comes to communicaton and that I do not listen.

What do others do in similar situations?

I am so sorry he discounted your feelings...
bit rude and inconsiderate

Jmo, but it sounds like he is the one who does not listen.

I've been in somewhat the same situation with my now ex...but I don't think what I did is fit to share in mixed company.

Best wishes for you to find a way to protect yourself.

If you will pardon my jumping in, is there some way that you can limit your actual material committment to this project? Is there collateral at stake that you own? Such as, is there a mortgage where you are part owner of the property and will require your signature in order for it to become a legal transaction? If so, you can always refuse to participate.

At the very least, you can regain some of your power by talking to an attorney and finding out if there is a legal way that you can protect yourself financially from over-extension financially. I know the old mutual property thing but still, mutual property requires two signatures. And if one person refuses to sign, then there is a problem with the deal going through.

You are not stupid. And you are only trying to look out for your best interests. So be proactive and do that.

Just a suggestion.

My husband owned the property prior to our marriage and yes I have been added to the deed. He would need a mortgage to pay for this project. If I dont sign whatever he needs I would imagine he would be very angry. He told me yesterday that he " would not let my negativety get in his way". He told me he still has to have a few meetings and talk with the county re permitting. Then he will make a final decision.
I am trying to stay calm and ppray he does not start this project.

You could have a quiet talk with him and reiterate your feelings, then quietly mention that it does takes two signatures to place the deed up for mortgage. He can own his anger. You don't have to take it on. By having such a conversation, he can't say you didn't warn him.