[compassionate]

I know someone that has never been kissed, never been out with a guy, she barely leaves the house, she hardly speaks to people, she sleeps all day and stay up all nigh, most days she stays in the house. She is a only 22 and she is overweight. Do you think she need to help? I don't know how to help her.

[DocJohn]

If these things are a problem for her and are causing her some fair amount of concern, then yes, perhaps she would benefit from some help. But if she's okay with the way she is and the way her life is, then there's nothing to do because there's no problem (for her, anyway).

When you see someone else suffering and in emotional pain, our first instinct is to reach out to them to try and help. Friends do this best by just being friends -- listening to the other person, offering advice, and doing things that are enjoyable together. While a friend can suggest additional assistance might be helpful to the person in need, all they can do is to make the suggestion once. Once it is out there, then it's out there and the person knows that it is now an option. If they ask for your help to pursue professional help, that's great! But if they don't want to talk about it any further, or say, "Thanks, but I'm doing fine," then you have to let it go because the person either doesn't want the help, or doesn't want it at this time (or is in too much pain to accept it, which is an altogether more difficult issue to deal with).

John

[Jigglypuff]

I know someone like that too. ME!!

I didn't ask to be like this but I do feel like a freak. I just can't seem to fit in anywhere though I try but find it really difficult especially with no one to help me and everything seems to be going against me. Even though I know why I am like this, it doesn't help. All the time I used to think that everything would work out alright - but it doesn't. Now I am in a state of desperation and depression. My whole life has been this way and I don't know any different. There are a whole lot of issues I am trying to sort out. I can't sleep at night because of worry and so I am tired through the day. I'm not overweight though I eat and eat. It just gets burned away through worry. I have a head full of grey hair. I'm driving myself into an early grave. But the doc is right in what he is saying. You can't really do anything unless your friend or whomever says that they do have a problem (and it might not be).

[whineandcheese]

I think the title should be more like, "What makes us individuals. Maybe your friend could benefit from some counseling. Maybe not. First, she has to WANT to change. I've been thinking about this and my own eating habits recently--do I want to change? I got to thinking about just how much of a problem do I (or don't I) really have. You could talk to your friend, just do it gently. You don't want her to feel threatened.

Ann