[salukigirl]

So I work in a lab and also do a lot of field work. This means that once a month a couple people from the lab and I go to Kansas and sample streams in the area. Well this one girl is giving me some problems. I am a smoker and she isn't but I don't see what the big deal is if I want to stop for 5 minutes (during a 9 hour car ride) to smoke a cigarette. Even if we're already stopped for food or gas or whatever, she refuses to wait the extra 5 minutes to let me have my damn cigarette. Also, a girl that came with us this time doesn't like mexican food. Now I like it but if she doesn't I would eat somewhere else but this same girl that wont let me smoke also has a huge problem with not eating mexican food and tries to talk everyone into it even though that's what we eat every single time she goes. And the entire time she wont listen to anything but classic rock. Don't get me wrong, I like classic rock....but not for 9 straight hours here and 9 straight hours back. If I take control of the radio and put it on something she doesn't like she just flat out changes it. So I just brought my iPod and listened to my music the whole time but then she gets upset because I'm not talking etc....

She is so freaking controlling and refuses to try new things no matter what. I have to work with her for almost another year on this project. I might go nuts.

[jerrymichele]

Can you drive yourself? That's what I would do.

[NuckingFutz]

Has to work with her another year. We have to come up with some healthy coping skills as well as find the correct or best most effective way for them to communicate so the symptoms do not get worse.

[salukigirl]

Exactly. I'm just not sure how to deal with it because I am the total opposite. I love all kinds of music, I love all kinds of food and love trying new things whereas she has her set music style, set food and doesn't want to try anything different. Its just the total opposite of my personality and its her project that I'm working on so all the field and lab work is done with her.

[NuckingFutz]

Hmmm. Okay, it is not your project, that is a factor...i take it your ages are different. You know, maybe the issue is power and control. It is not really about time to smoke, mexican food or what to listen to. Does this sound right so far?

Well I would tackle it head on and ask her to stop the car so you can have a smoke, if she refuses then tell her you are going to smoke its just a case of where..... In her car or on the side of the road.

As for the food why don't you get together with the other girl and make a packed lunch ? Then you can both point out to the other person how you don't mind where she eats as you both have food in your bag .

[salukigirl]

She is maybe a year older than me. She just started her masters and I graduate with my bs in may so were only a yr apart in school too. She just acts like she is everyones boss and doesn't listen to anyone. If she were older than me with her phd I would just shut up and take it but I just don't think I should have to take orders from someone who is barely older and barely ahead of me. Especially because I have had to key bugs out for her and help her on several occassions because she doesn't have much experience as I do. I just feel like she is up on her high horse when she has no reason to be. It's annoying being told what to do by someone who has less knowledge and less experience in the field than you do.

[SpottedOwl]

It sounds like the woman might be insecure herself, and overcompensating by being bossy. Since this is her project, and you know more about testing and field work, she might feel threatened by you.

A few ideas...

...List a few things you like about this woman. Spend some time really thinking about something good. It could even be that because of her project you have a job. Whenever you start to feel frustrated with her, call up the list of 'good qualities' in your mind and try to focus on them.

...Act like she has a PhD. Let her boss you around and do your best to be respectful. If she is insecure, the more you treat her with respect the nicer she might be to you.

HTH

[jerrymichele]

Is this something that you need to do for yourself? regardless if she's a year older or not, doesn't give her the right to disrespect you. Personally I would just be up front with her. I would just let her know that I don't like being treated like that.