[TheArdentSavage]

...and I'm wondering what sort of responses are acceptable in a situation as this?

That is, my current boyfriend went with a girl for a while who is pretty much perfect in every way. Then they broke up, but apparently nobody knows why. He dodge the question when i asked him. Someone implied it may be because she had to go away for school, and even though she comes home for vacations, weekends, and it isn't very far away at all, he did not want a long distance relationship. But he did not give me an answer when I asked "Why did you break up with her?"

So now they are still good friends, except that she still likes him very much. This puts me in a poor spot. I try my hardest to not be jealous of people anymore. I used to be a pretty jealous 'partner',and i realised, so in this relationship, I am trying my hardest to change that. But it's really difficult to guage what behaviour is appropriate when I have always just been so jealous. I feel left out and get upset sometimes when we hang out with her, and I listen to them talk about the fun they used to have. She is nice and I like her on her own, but when I have to hang out with both of them, things are frustrating for me. I don't tell anybody or show that I'm upset, but it is bothersome. They still even kind of flirt(i.e., tickling each other, he 'scares' her by sneaking up behind and grabbing her). Is it unreasonable of me to feel upset? I asked him if he still liked her and he seemed real uncomfortable with that question. I mean, he said no, but was laughing nervously about it...

Any advice about this situation is much appreciated...Advice on acceptable behaviour, ways to manage jealousy, 'easy' ways of approaching the sitauation or how to discuss it with him. I think talking of serious subjects like this is what makes him nervous, so I try to resolve my own issues by myself, so as to not bother him. I wouldnt ever want to become between their friendship, but I want to stop wondering constantly whether or not he still likes her or not. Tired of being the second-place in relationships. =P

[salukigirl]

Wow...I feel like I'm reading one of my old posts from a little over a year ago. My ex was the same way. Him and his girlfriend had been together for a few years and when we got together, they were still friends. She would openly text him saying how much she missed him etc... Finally it did break us up. Not just that reason, there were others, but I wasn't ready to deal with that - still very jealous at the time.

So after we broke up I was just waiting for them to get back together but here, over a year later, they still aren't. I have seen him a few times and flat out said "we're not together, we won't be together so there is no reason to lie anymore - did you ever have feelings for her when we were together?" and he said absolutely no. He claimed he still had feelings for me. So I truly believe that they really were just friends and I figured....if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't have.

Also, she refused to come around me because she still wanted him. We NEVER hung out together. I think the fact that he brings her around you and she is nice to you and wants to hang out with both of you that is a good sign. It sounds like, even if she still does have feelings for him, she doesn't sound like she would disrespect the boundaries of your relationship.

The sneaking up on someone and tickling almost sounds more sibling to me than flirting. My brother tries to scare the crap out of me on a daily basis lol. It sounds like he cares about you - at least he's not lying about her or sneaking around with her.

I would just explain that some of the things they do upset you. If he gets upset and yells or gets on the defensive there might be something else but if he seems understanding and supports you and tries to make you feel better....that's the kind of response you want. Just go to him; holding it in until it bursts out in a fit of psycho girlfriend rage isn't the way to go (trust me haha).

[SilverNeurotic]

It sounds like you have a pretty legitimate excuse to feel jealous...I think that even a person who didn't have a past history of jealousy in a relationship would have some kind of feelings in that situation. Its great though that you are trying to not let that jealousy take over.

I would suggest that you talk to your boyfriend and his ex and explain to them how you feel. Maybe suggest that it's fine if they want to hang out together-but you'd rather not join them (you trust them right?). If you don't trust them to hang out alone together-maybe you do have to reevaluate your relationship.

[jerrymichele]

I would look into it. That's me. My own opinion is there is a lot of red flags on this one. I would go with my gut feeling on this. If he's avoiding your questions something just seems funny about that. I would probably come right and ask him if he still has feelings for her. An ex is just what it's suppost to be, an ex.