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New Member
Member Since Dec 2009
Posts: 1
14 |
Dec 23, 2009 at 10:42 AM
#1
Hello, some weeks ago my fiance was in the shower and his cell ringed, sometimes he asks me to answer for him, so I looked at the caller ID and it said Jessica (she is a girl that we know from a yoga class), when he came out i told him he had a voicemail, after listening to it he said to me "oh, it was my friend Peter"... So I asked "and what did Jessica say?" and he froze. He finally admited that he had lied to avoid conflict with me becouse he thought I may not like her calling him. You see, he's the kind of guy who's friendly with anyone, and I love that about him, but I did mention before that I didn't think it was cool for him (45) to be friends with 19 year old girls...
He promised he won't lie to me again becouse now he realizes how much harm can be done by a white lie, and although I really do not think he had anything to do with her, I'm having a hard time trusting him, my mind goes crazy wondering what else he keeps from me to avoid confrontation... I want to forgive and forget, I don't want to ruin this beautifull relationship... Help! |
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Dec 23, 2009 at 04:57 PM
#2
Appears to me you both would benefit from a talk to clear the air. He says he lied to avoid a conflict. Why did he feel it was best to lie? I expect this incident was not the genesis of the distrust, but rather reinforced the distrust he felt that lead to the lie.
Good luck. |
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 lynn P.
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,042
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Dec 24, 2009 at 12:23 AM
#3
A "white" lie to me is: Honey this pot roast is delicious. When I know for a fact that it's too salty or over cooked. There is no victim, no major damage should I find out that he did find my roast too salty.
As TheB suggested, I'd have a serious talk with him. Let him know that by choosing to lie to you, whatever the reason, it makes you uncomfortable. I'd find this behavior sneaky and very suspect. If there's no reason to worry then there's no reason to lie. __________________ I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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lynn P.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2009
Posts: 318
14 |
Dec 25, 2009 at 01:07 AM
#4
a lie is a lie...and why is a 19 year old girl calling your husband? what could they possibly have in common? Talk with your husband and trust your gut instincts.
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lynn P.
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2009
Posts: 897
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Dec 27, 2009 at 07:47 PM
#5
Ho dear... I agree with the above. This is not a 'white lie' in my book either. This is a lie. And therefore your mistrust is rightly placed... The fact that you are engaged makes it harder I would assume. Try to have an honest discussion. I am not sure why a 45 engaged man would have a 19 year old call him. There is 'friendly' with people and 'no boundaries friendly...'. If you think your relationship is strong then an honest discussion will help but if there are deeper issues - better examin them now x all the best !! xx
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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