How To Change/Keep/Save Existing Tie

About 3 weeks ago I found out that my BF of 8 months has been diagnosed as schizophrenic for the past 4 or 5 years. He just let it slip one night after a party. After 7 months! I'm so angry at myself for getting into a situation where I fall for someone with such a surprise later. Possibly even more angry than at him for not telling me.

He's briefly mentioned that it began as depression, then became manic, then the other symptoms of pscyhosis (hearing voices, seeing things) began. He was medicated for a year, but said he felt empty, so he went off meds and has apparently been off them for a year. He appears like a normal, albeit moody, functioning adult. He says the only regression he's noticed since going off meds is that he mutters to himself, which the meds stopped. He tells me the pressure of knowing how his mom would react is the only thing that's kept him from suicide since about age 12. One day he says he just woke up and wanted to die, and that happens every day, meds or not.

Right now in town he's got me, his closest friends and family, a stable job...I don't want to contribute to that changing.

I'm scared because I know I'm very important to him, as he is to me, and I know he has shown a vast amount of trust in me in opening up at all. But the stress of finding this out, of looking at his father, also diagnosed, and seeing his likely outcome in 30 years, is just too much to handle. He wants marriage and kids and commitment with me and I can never, ever do that. I can only be a friend in such an unstable situation.

How do I maintain friendship and support while cutting romantic ties? Is that even possible under normal circumstances when a breakup isn't mutual?

He probably was afraid to tell you right away because he was afraid you would reject him. Some couples can be friends after a breakup. It depends on the people and the dynamics of the relationship. Maybe you txo can sit down and talk over options. Good luck to you both and may you both find peace and happiness.

Yes, I think you definitely have to sit down and be as candid with him as he is with you but I do know you have to look at him, not his father. We are not 100% (or even 50/50) our parents. You can't know what he will be like in the future or what children will be like or any of that with anyone!

Yes it will/should take you awhile to get use to this big news but it doesn't have to change how you feel about him. If he wants a romantic relationship with you and you do not, I think you have to break it off completely. You are not responsible for how he feels or is, you can only be responsible for yourself and if you don't want to marry him and that's what he wants, there is no "middle" ground there and hanging on looks to only make yourself feel better, impedes his growth, as he would probably be thinking eventually you would come around to his way of thinking.

Sit down with him and tell him your fears. Ask if he'd be willing to reconsider medication IF he starts turning out like his father with the schizophrenia. Like Perna said, we aren't our parents

Hi

Yes it is possible to break romantic ties and be friends but it takes lots of communication and honesty. Sometimes honesty is painful, some people run from the pain its the chance you have to take. ] If you lucky he will still be your friend and like me you''ll find that the friendship is way more important and actually for me its way more fun

nice to meet you
wing