[hopeyoucanhelp]

I was seeing a woman for about 6 months, she's an alcoholic and has suffered from a violent marriage about 3 or 4 years ago. A while back I found messages on her phone (i had a hunch something was wrong and had a look on her phone) she told me she had slept with someone for money so she could buy alcohol. I forgave her as I just thought she didn't know what she was doing because she was out of it at the time. We broke up again, she's really not well, I'm concerned that she's still selling herself and has deep underlying psychological issues. She's may sound terrible from what I've just written but she's a lovely person deep down and is very dear to me. How do I come to terms with why she has done this and how do I help her?

[bipolar_bear]

I am sorry your relationship is causing you so much distress. Does she want to change her behavior? If so, maybe you could help her find some help? A therapist? I can understand how this us causing you distress and maybe you want to consider talking to someone yourself. It sounds like you are a wonderful friend. She is very lucky for that.

BB

[StarTrekker]

"How do I come to terms with why she has done this and how do I help her?"
-You are an awesome person for asking these questions, heroic, even, for it takes a heroic person to deal with love and betrayal of love and still have such a high level of respect for the betrayer.
-I was taught that I cannot control anyone, that I could only control my actions and reactions to the things that people did to me. I feel that once a person truly accepts that in their core of being, then life becomes so much easier.
-This person is dealing really dealing with one sickness: addiction. The only thing that I can see you doing is making positive suggestions and providing healthy alternatives. Beyond that, "the ball is in her court." And that is going to be hard to live with.

[anderson]

(((((hopeyoucanhelpme))))))) The truth of the matter is until she is willing to look into her self she will not be able to change her behavor. You can be there to surport her but unless she wants to change you can do nothing. Healing in growth comes from with in it may be helped when someone is willing to mirror love towards that person but then the person has to be able to accept that they are lovable. We hope someone here can help you find the way.