[marjan]

Specially for those who know my story......
Finally, I'm dating somebody that I really like and he's such a good guy.....but he doesn't make a move on me sexually.....we know each other for four months and we've been dating around couple of months....last two Sundays, we went out and we ended up getting to my home....we cuddled on my sofa for hours but nothing more than that.....Is this normal?
I'm afraid that I'm sexually more advance than him.....or he just doesn't want it too much.....or take it slow!
he told me several times that he likes me so much and I do like him too....and I enjoy my time with him....It's great....He makes me laugh and we do things together.....but I'm so concern about the sex part....
I don't know what I should do? Most guys I've been with were so aggressive and it was mostly me to control it at the beginning, but Kevin doesn't really go that far at all.....
He was married for three years and he said that he's been with his ex for 8 years on and off....but then he said he didn't really date anybody after her, just casual dates....and didn't work for him, then he puts it away for awhile....
I just need some advice....should I wait and see how it goes? or should I ask him? and how should I ask him? what should I ask him?
Please help me.....
Marjan

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by marjan

Specially for those who know my story......
Finally, I'm dating somebody that I really like and he's such a good guy.....but he doesn't make a move on me sexually.....we know each other for four months and we've been dating around couple of months....last two Sundays, we went out and we ended up getting to my home....we cuddled on my sofa for hours but nothing more than that.....Is this normal?
I'm afraid that I'm sexually more advance than him.....or he just doesn't want it too much.....or take it slow!
he told me several times that he likes me so much and I do like him too....and I enjoy my time with him....It's great....He makes me laugh and we do things together.....but I'm so concern about the sex part....
I don't know what I should do? Most guys I've been with were so aggressive and it was mostly me to control it at the beginning, but Kevin doesn't really go that far at all.....
He was married for three years and he said that he's been with his ex for 8 years on and off....but then he said he didn't really date anybody after her, just casual dates....and didn't work for him, then he puts it away for awhile....
I just need some advice....should I wait and see how it goes? or should I ask him? and how should I ask him? what should I ask him?
Please help me.....
Marjan

I have met many people who are so considerate of their partners, boyfriends, girlfriends that they dont do the wham bam thank you ma am routine. they take their time and make sure that when the relationship moves into containing an intimate relationship too that its what both in the relationship wants. especially in todays world where just about everything can be considered sexual abuse. I know someone who was in a relationship with someone for 5 or 6 years before either one of them brought up the subject. me and my partner took time to get to know each other and had a year or more relationship before we found the bedroom.

You might need to talk with him and let him know that you are ok about sex and any time he is ready you are ready to add sex into your relationship. this way he will know where you stand and that you are not going to be yelling sexual abuse the moment he does try to add more to the relationship.

[Perna]

You could tell him a little about yourself and your background, see how he responds. I would say how I feel about sex (enjoy it, have had troubles in the past, have had many/few partners, etc.). Communication has to be open for relationships to work; it's a bit like therapy :-) and if you are "concerned" then you need to let him know that so he can respond or avoid, depending on how he feels, and you can then have more information to decide what you want to do. It's all an information exchange, getting to know another person. When you're snuggling might be a great time to discuss how you feel about intimacy, sex, what you really like about being with him, what you'd like from him, etc.

[JayS]

Hi marjan It's been a while since we talked. I would tell him how you feel about sex.... He could be holding back because he really respects you, maybe if you start the ball rolling he'll loosen up.... even me, I find it rude to jump right into sex if I honestly respect you. I could be wrong though, still nice to talk to you.

love
Jay

[marjan]

Thanks guys....ya...I think that's a good idea to talk about it....I was shy to say something....but probably next time I can open up a bit.....I don't want to get to sex so quickly either, but I want to know if there is any possibilities out there....If not, I don't want to waste my time and be hopeful then I fall in love with him and boom nothing again....can't afford to have another emotional crises again!
I do like him a lot....He's so funny and handsome and we have similar activities....He starts going to my dance class and learning salsa which I love...then Sunday he came with me to my Buddhism/meditation class and he said he likes it....He loves hiking too....these are three main activities that I have every week and it's great he likes them too....
I understand that he didn't have that many partners, so that makes it hard for him to be open....I think I'm overly afraid of things and then when I'm afraid bad will happen...I hope I can stay relax and enjoy my time with him and see what will happen....
Thanks guys
Marjan