[dreamsofflight]

I hope it's ok to post this here. Since I'm seeking help with actually having relationships it seems like it is. I shut myself away and *one* reason (but it's a big one) is that I know ppl are going to ask me what I *do for a living* right after I meet them. That's just normal social stuff, but since I don't do anything (I'm on SSA disability for Bipolar Disorder) what am I supposed to say? Honesty is not the best policy in this case. So I need help coming up with a lie?? I live in a small community and so far I think ppl think I have money/probably live off alimony. But I want to *put myself out there* FINALLY! And I will have to answer this question. Thanks for helping, guys.

[Shangrala]

It's a shame that you feel that you have to lie to feel accepted..but I can relate to what you're meaning.

Maybe, suggest that you "dabble" in home with your computer. That isn't exactly lying, as you're obviously using one to access this site to post?

You don't need to be specific as to "what" you actually DO with your computer...just leave it for them to fill in the blanks. IF they should push the issue further, then just say "I do a bit of this and that with my system. I'm just beginning with it so it's still new to me "....and leave it there?...Something like that?

Usually,when someone asks me what I do with my time while I'm in home, I just tell them...."a bit of this and that"...and I leave it there. IF they push it again, I repeat myself....LOL...(as it's none of their business, anyway).

Hope that helps a bit....

Shangrala

[NuckingFutz]

Great post Shangrala. I tell people what I am doing...some writing and a little on line peer to peer support. If it gets to the point where income needs to be discussed, I will explain that I have a chemical embalance in my brain and it is a disability...blah, blah...good luck!

When I was in a similar situation Shangrala I used to tell people "I'm between jobs right now" It seemed to satisfy most of them...some would follow up with questions about previous jobs...but not all.

I sometimes say I am a volunteer advocate for a charity.

[(JD)]

Good answers already..

IDK ... domestic engineer?

[VickiesPath]

Tell them you are a "free lance _________" fill in the blank with whatever you are good at or whatever your interests are. That way, they automatically know you work for yourself, you don't work for anyone else regularly, and you also have the ability to discuss whatever you fill in the blank with because it's something you know something about.

[Perna]

I would just leave it at, "I'm unemployed right now due to health issues" People only ask because, like you say, it's just "normal society stuff." We have to start someplace to express an interest in another. But if you "lie" then you can never get much deeper with a person without having to reveal the lie. I don't think anyone is going to ask about "what" health issues or what you do for money, etc. right off the bat, that would be intrusive/socially rude and if they do, you immediately know you're probably not interested in getting to know that person much better.

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by _Sky

Good answers already..

IDK ... domestic engineer?

LOOOOOOOL...I LOVE that one!!
That bout covers ALL without necessary elaborations.

[dreamsofflight]

I have thought of the freelance answer before. Saying I'm a freelance writer, but then I'm afraid someone will ask oh what for, etc... I guess I could do some research so I have an answer.

Pretty much my only socialization comes from Al-Anon meetings. The ppl there know I have some mental issues b/c I talk about therapy sometimes in shares. The ones I'm closer to know I'm on SSA disability, but don't ask or seem to care what for they just accept. A very few ppl know I'm on disability b/c of BPD and not *just* depression.

It's new ppl I hope to meet b/c I'm lonely and have to get out of the house. Volunteer, whatever. Volunteering is like a job so I worry about answering these questions even more.
I also have met my daughter's friend's parents, but b/c of anxiety, fear I've never let myself really get to know them, socialize, etc... even though I'd really like to. I would tell them the truth (close enough to truth) if we really did click.
and yeah, I realize some of them have to know at least about the disability if not exactly for what (and I would hope not for BPD) through my daughter. I also agree that if someone keeps pushing the're not someone I'd want to be around and I *would* just clam up, walk away whatever is best response.

I like domestic engineer, too. I *sometimes* wish I had young children so I'd have the I'm a stay at home mom "defense"

I hate the stigma of this disease and the fact that when a lot of ppl find out you're on disbility they have a low opinion of you.

Thanks for all the answers and I hope its ok to answer them all in this one post. I wish Psych forums would send me notifications when I get a reply. Thanks again, Jen

[Shangrala]

Maybe a thought of Inhome DayCare?
You ARE in home, and you ARE caring throughout the day? Don't really need to explain "who" you're caring for, or why, do you?

What bothers me about situations like this is how quick some can be by invading through being so overly-curious to your personal situation. It is NONE of their business...especially at such early acquaintences. Sure, if after spending some time with the individual and you FIRST earn their trust, then divuldge a lil more here n there.

You're clearly needing a sense of safety in those you relate to on a personal level, and you have every right TO want that for yourself.

Still hoping the best for you, dreams~

[sabby]

I think it's much better to keep things simple and easy to remember....how about "I'm a proud 'stay at home mom'" If you want, you can add that you have a few volunteer things that keep you busy as well.

If someone get's pushy with you and out of line about it, a great thing to do is ask "And why is it so important for you to know?" That usually gets the point across really well that you aren't going into it any further!

If you're going to lie about a career, I would recommend choosing a career that you're actually interested in. Because, eventually, and especially in a small town, you're going to come across someone who is interested in that field, and they're going to know a thing or two about it. You can say you're "new", but they'll still expect you to know the bare minimum. If you're interested in it, say as I hobby, it's easier to remember the research you do, and you look more excited about it when you talk about it, which makes it more believable.

You could also do whatever it is you're lying about doing. For example, one person mentioned writing. You could actually write a story/blog/poem. No one ever said it'd have to be good enough to be published. But then, when people ask about it, you have physical evidence. And it's easier to remember the details and keep the story consistent when you have established a thorough story. Not to mention you don't have guilt getting in the way, or fear of being caught, because ... technically ... you're telling the truth.

Of course, this is a lot easier when it's something you're actually interested in, because then it seems less like a chore. It doesn't have to be writing, you could do self-help blogs (then say you prefer to stay anonymous online in case of potential stalkers). Or writing recipes for cooking, if you enjoy that. Then, when asked for recipes, not only will giving them recipes validate your lie, you'll be appreciated for it.