[rayn_air]

Hey. I was married to my first husband for 6 years. I should have known something was wrong when the day after we got married he started talking about having an open relationship. I didn't want that and he had never said anything about it so I put it behind me. He would go out with his friends and always come back drunk and they would all act so weird around me. After 2 years he raped me. He seemed reason sorry for it right after it happened and we had a daughter so I was trying to work through it with him. The bad thing is it started happening about once a month. I got so separated from myself I started going out with one of my girlfriends to clubs and getting drunk and sleeping with strangers. I lived like this for another 3 years. I didn't want to break up my daughters home so I just dealt with it. I finally learned that he had also been doing drugs behind my back while he was away at work(oil field). That was the limit for me, I wouldn't allow THAT around my daughter. When I tried to leave he wouldn't let me. I had my parents take my daughter "for the weekend" when they came to drop her off I had all our stuff ready and I left with them instead. I got myself together got a job and moved to another city. I meet a new guy and we've been together for going on 5 years. My problem is he knows about what happened with my past and knows I still have problems when it comes to sex, but he acts like it's not suppose to bother me when we're doing something. I can't get him to understand that at times while we're in the middle of it I'll have a flash back and can't handle it. I'm getting therapy to help work through it but I don't know how to get him to understand I just need his help and patience. Any suggestions and words of wisdom would be great. I don't want to get a divorce because of this. Thanks

Roxie Sorry So Long!!!!!

Hello, Roxie. Have your husband go to a therapy session with you. The therapist should be able to explain what is going on. Maybe at some point joint counseling might be of benefit.

Good luck

[jenkins09]

I agree with the other poster. If someone hasnt walked a mile in your shoes at times it can be hard for them to be truly empathic. I would strongly encourage him to go to one of your counseling sessions and then perhaps couples therapy. Good luck.