[Miss_A]

Ok, relationships suck at my age with moi! I met this boy on msn messenger. We started to chat and got on opened up to eachother. Any way I found out he goes to my school. I saw him around at school though he is only in two classes with me and not in my tudor group. We started to talk and even hang around together at break. Then I finally told him how I feel and well first he took it as a joke. Then I started I'm not kidding. Then he took it seroiuse but didn't understand that much. So complex.. You know when your in love you do stupid stuff. It all seemed to go wrong when I met him and told him how I felt. We use to hug eachother and even once kissed him only on the check. He was/is my first true love. Which I miss so much. I asked him once if he wanted to go out? He didn't answer. Left heart broken of course. I made loads of mistakes and I regret really am sorry. One point I've gone off try to go off him and said that I fancy his best mate. But I really regret it because I didn't think. Any way I started cutting myself for him and he did it because of me to make me stop. Then I stared eating less and also taking tablets just to reduce the pain. Didn't work everytime I see him. I try not to go weak too late. Now its been ages since we talked and hugged proberly forgotten. But I still have feelings for him! He said he wished that I'll talk to him and said don't go but It's hopeless I'm in love with him and I can't help but say you don't feel the same way so why bother with talking about feelings. I'm sorry for all I've done! Any way a friend of mine secretly fancys him so he might have a better chance with her. I dunno what to do, so much has happend in thepast with him and me. I'm not sure wether to still talk to him. Maybe it will be better that way not saying anything. But then again I can't keep ignoring him. He thinks I hate him, but I only say that to make him think that I don't have true feelings any more. When deep down he is the spark in my heart and the stabber behind my back. His smiles are the best but I think I should forget about him and boys until maybe 16. I'm really confused what to say to him now, so much has happend I dunno where to go from here?
Stay or leave.... pain or love..... forgive or regret.......