OK, so I chickened out and I'm glad

I was supposed to take the kids to visit Grandma and Grandpa this weekend...but honestly...I just didn't feel ready to see my mother. I chickened out....but gosh I feel so relieved. It's so strange to feel so free and happy without my mother around. I knew my anxiety level was rising with each passing day getting closer to "the visit" and my other half finally just said it - Why go if you feel this way? Just wait until you're ready....WHAT A RELIEF! The more I hear about the lies she spread about me, the more conflicted I get about seeing her again. We talk (a little), but it's all just "surface chatter" and I don't foresee ever trusting her again with anything of personal significance.....How could a parent possibly do what she has done to me? I'm still in awe of her venom producing capacity...and it was ALL to satisfy her anger...At least, I've learned a valuable lesson about parenting....SUPPORT YOUR KIDS.....DO NOT JUDGE....AND LOVE THEM EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T DO IT YOUR WAY! I keep telling myself that when I recover from this, I will, at least have that positive legacy to pass on to my kids.....

MacD Good for you! Now write your mother a note tell her thank you for teaching How not to love a child. Let her know that You have learned valued lesson and you will do everything in your power to see that your Kids are loved for who and what they are.
How can she be angry when you are thanking her for being such a great teacher? Yes i am being sarcastic. but there is some truth there.
i have no idea of what your faith is or spiritual beliefs are. So use the following or not . This is just something that a vet wise man once ask me to do when confronted with Hostility. When talking to your mother or anyone who is giving you a hard time. silent say to yourself The god in me reaches out to the God in you. Say it in your mind over and over again. Let it be a mantra. for a long time I rejected this technique. One day while in a heated debate i used it and it worked! OK one time on big deal but over time it has worked time and again. The other party often losses all the anger and is confused by this sudden loss of anger and will to fight.

Grace,

You go girl!!!!! You hit it right on the head. Take your time before jumping in there to go see her. She left you remember. Take this time away from her to focus on you, your hubby and your kids!!!!

I am here for you girl!!!

P.S. I am happy that you are not stressing out about seeing her anymore. Anxiety will kill ya!!!
keep smiling!

((((((((((((((((grace)))))))))))))))))))) chicken? no, i see brave at its best. i see sound reasoning in work. i see grace taking care of herself and hers.

i'm proud of you...put simply.

kd

Many thanks for all of your supportive responses....I love Artists quote about the God in you reaching out to the God in others....When I was fresh out of college, I worked for the HIlton Hotel chain in guest services and one of the most valuable life lessons I learned in my training there was that no matter how hostile the guest....YOU DO NOT LOWER YOURSELF TO THEIR LEVEL. It's so satisfying to baffle people who seek to incite you....You show that you're not weak willed enough to "join" them...(which is usually exactly what they're expecting)...Instead, your power comes from remaining the rational/calm one in the situation....It really works!

(((( MacD )))))

You have good instincts ..and you followed what was best for you and your kids.

You did the right thing by putting you and your kids needs first, which is something your mom obviously didn't do ..or I should say only puts hers first ..and not her kids when that's what she should have been doing.

Proud of yah ..and you should be too!

Hope you are well

Take care
Eva

((((((((((((((((((((Grace)))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((Grace)))))))))))))

Good for you for taking care of yourself, and hubby for telling you it's OK.

I don't consider it "chickening out" but rather doing what's in your own best interest! GOOD FOR YOU!

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

Good for you about choosing a better time for the visit. I also agree about writing out a letter for your Mom. But chances are real good that she won't have a clue about what she did wrong. My situation is a long story, but my Mother lives a few 1000 miles away and the last time I saw her was about 6 years ago. My choice since then. I don't invite her here, nor give any impression I will go back to visit. She was horrible as I grew up and had a lot to do with the present mental health of yours truely. She went nuts on the last visit after 5 days and wanted to talk to me about MY bad attitude as she waggled a big knife at me from across the room. The proverbial ***** hit the fan at this point and she dredged up everything ever since I was a teenager. She left 40 hours later, 3 days before her actual plane date, forcing her to lay over in Toronto. But before she got out of the truck, she threw $50 at me, for my troubles.

You know, I never really saw or knew how bad she was until I made plans to leave the country to follow the man I loved. She became ugly and blaming, forcing me to leave two weeks early.

For you I would think that only seeing her for the children's sakes, outside of hers and your home is a good idea. Always meeting at some fun spot for the kids, where you can also be active with them, to get away from personal confrontations. If at some point she started to get ugly, you could simply say, well, we have to go now. I did this with the phone calls after she had left that bad visit, she got demanding and ugly, I said I had to go, and would quickly hang up.

Grace!

You didn't chicken out!!!!!! You stood up for yourself!!!!!!!!! What a huge difference. You chose to get off the merry-go-round and stand on solid ground.

I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!

Many hugs,

Jan