[JLB0589]

I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 4 years now. He has been talking about getting married since after our 1st year. Needless to say, I'm still just his girlfriend. Anyway, he hasn't ever been abusive or anything, but we have some major differences. We are from different Christian faiths which has been difficult but we are dealing, his family and mine have completely differet values (his younger brother still sleeps in the same room as his parents.... And he just started middle shool), and I love meeeting new people and explorig and he is pretty much a homebody. I have been doubting our future for quite some time now.... About 6 months. I have been trying to see if this is just a phase or if it is not meant to be. We are both well into college, and I have met lots of new people and have been wondering "is there something better out there? Is this it? Is this all there really is?" could this just be cold feet because he hasn't proposed, or should i try again with someone new? Thanks for all your help guys.

[Slothrop]

To me, mid-college is somewhat early to propose. Maybe that's just a background difference, though. Do you feel you should be engaged to someone by now?

This is just my opinion, but if you are doubting the relationship this much, maybe it is time to cool it and spend time around other people. Maybe you'll come back to him, maybe you won't. College is such a good opportunity to meet people (especially compatible people, if you like the attitudes and/or values at your school), and it's perfectly OK to want to do that.

[AAAAA]

If you’re asking “is this all there really is” then the relationship is in trouble. Long term relationships are a lot of work. I don’t believe in “meant to be” it implies that there is something out there that does not require work. That does not exist. Someone new comes with his own set of problems.

The differences in your family lives can be as big or little of a problem as you’re willing to make them. You can’t live your life trying to make someone else happy, whether it be your parents or spouse. If you and he have come to terms with how you’ll educate the children, live your day to day life etc, your respective families will just have to deal with it.

But how will YOU (and he) deal with it? Are these differences something you’re willing to compromise on?

In my opinion, except in cases of abuse, there’s never anything better out there, just something different. It all boils down to your priorities in a relationship.

[psychochicx13x]

Originally Posted by JLB0589

I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 4 years now. He has been talking about getting married since after our 1st year. Needless to say, I'm still just his girlfriend. Anyway, he hasn't ever been abusive or anything, but we have some major differences. We are from different Christian faiths which has been difficult but we are dealing, his family and mine have completely differet values (his younger brother still sleeps in the same room as his parents.... And he just started middle shool), and I love meeeting new people and explorig and he is pretty much a homebody. I have been doubting our future for quite some time now.... About 6 months. I have been trying to see if this is just a phase or if it is not meant to be. We are both well into college, and I have met lots of new people and have been wondering "is there something better out there? Is this it? Is this all there really is?" could this just be cold feet because he hasn't proposed, or should i try again with someone new? Thanks for all your help guys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been going through the same thing. With a guy for four in a half years but we were going to get married. We had our differences and a death in his family changed him so much. I thought what if there was something better and started looking elsewhere. It is healthy to try looking elsewhere but whatever you do do not cheat because i did and it changed everything. I mean he still took me back but mentally I am not doing well at all...Try seeing other people and if he never leaves your heart and you never leave his, work things out again. You must understand everyone has flaws, and marrying them means marrying their family. Same for yours, he has to deal with knowing your family is the way they are too. If you truely love eachother, nothing else should matter. Feelings conquer it all.

In my opinion, except in cases of abuse, there’s never anything better out there, just something different. It all boils down to your priorities in a relationship.

I disagree. There very well could be a better fit for someone who has questions about the viability of a four year relationship. Making a relationship work takes a lot of effort. When was the last time you and he sat down to talk about where your relationship is headed? Does he know how you feel?