[g9inky]

Hi! I am new here, and am looking for some help/advice. I'm a 34yo female, never been married. I've been told I'm pretty, had a great job in pharma sales, have my MBA, etc. but never have found love. About 3 years ago I met a guy who I thought was "the one." We dated for a year, spent every day together, talked marriage. People thought we were the "all American couple." But he never wanted to have sex (was addicted to porn) and had many other issues people didn't know about (drinking, emnotional problems, etc). He was very angry and would get angry at me, call me names for no reason. It was like walking on eggshells. When I ended the relationship I was devastated, but felt he wasn't going to get better so I had no choice. He immediately dated someone else and acted like I never existed. I swear I cried every day for an entire year after that. It was very hurtful b/c I had really loved him and he turned his back on me in a heartbeat, after all that I had done for him. In the year after our relationship I decided that I wanted to move away (from Ohio to Arizona). I tried for 6 months to get a transfer with my company which is normally possible, but the economy crashed and everything was frozen. The only way to get to AZ was to quit my job, so I did! I bought a convertible and moved out west. Once out there I was scared b/c I didn't have a job, nor did I have any connections to get a job. I decided to go back to school, At first I was thinking nursing but decided I really don't want to be a nurse. I then decided on Speech Pathology, and realized a great, yet competitive program was available back in Ohio. So after living in AZ only 4 months, I moved back to Ohio. I am taking my pre-req courses and have just found out that I am on the wait list for this program. Basically I may not get in this year, or if I do get in it will be by a slim chance. I will know by June. If I don't get in I will be back to living with my parents. I could probably get in the program next year, and then the program is 2 years long, full time. So I may be 37 before I even graduate, essentially leaving little time for dating, realtionships, etc. And I will probably always be stuck in Ohio! Oh, and I should mention that I am living totally off of savings....no unemployment, so it's very scary!

I'm just really sad alot of the time over the everything I have lost and the domino effect of this loss on my life. It was bad enough to lose my ex (who I no longer want, or course, but what he did is hurtful to think about), then I went off the deep end to quit my high-paying job and move across the country, only to move right back to get into a grad program that I now may not even get into....Total dead ends! Even if I get in this new career I still won't make as much money as I did in pharma, and that is depressing, but I hope to have stability in a career that is in-demand. I've applied for jobs recently to see what else is out there. I've had a few interviews but haven't received any offers---it's very competitive these days. So that's it...no man, no job, no school, no money coming in, draining my savings, live with parents, and it may take years to dig myself out of a hole, when I'd really rather be focusing on enjoying life and moving forward. It's hard to not beat myself up. I feel very sad and stuck, and worst of all, I did this to myself. :-(

Will it ever get better, or have I permanently altered my life and made it much harder?

Hello, g9inky. Do other schools have the same or similar speech pathology programs? Have you thought about trying to get a job where you previously worked?

No doubt your life has been altered. Whether or not your life will be permanently harder is up to you. Being happier can overcome a lot of things.

Be well.

[Envision]

While you gave a lot of info, I get the feeling the biggest issue has yet to discussed.

[marjan]

I think the past has gone and you can't do anything about it....just try to learn from it and do not repeat them again....you are still young and you can make your life.....
and honesty, you are better off without that guy....it looks like the guy had so many issues!!!! you were lucky to get out of that relationship, but you did a bad choice of quitting your job.....well...you can't do anything about it now! Just try to find a job....probably, you can find a job in different countries or different states.....check in Craigslist....and good luck

g9inky, think about your values and what is important for you to have in your life and go for it.

[MomoBear]

Haha, you don't need a man to make you happy.
(and don't worry, you sound like a great girl just keep your head up, and maybe love will come to you instead.)
Just think of the positives.
The past is part of us, but not in control of us.