Ok, so I haven't logged on in a while since I started going out with my new boyfriend- we've been going out since early February, my first bf in three years, as I had been thraough a lot of bs with previous boyfriends and so I decided to take a chance. Our chemistry is great, we click, have the same sense of humor for the most part, things are great. We've already started saying I love you (him first, the first time we were intimate) he has alread made elusive ctalk of marriage and such, but in more recent weeks I've been re-evaluating our relationship, I'm worried he's not such a great guy. The following is something I posted anonymously on Craigslist, but I wanted to run it by you guys, see what you're thoughts are:
This is what my bf said to me a while ago. We were eating and he asks, "Are you pregnant?" I reply, "No. Why?" He answers, "Because you're still eating." referring to the fact that he apparently thinks I was eating too much! So II get upset and say something like "Oh my god! what the ****?" and playfully slapped his arm (I honestly don't remember what my angry response was" and he apologized.
So then I kept thinking about it and a couple days ago I brought it up with him, and he honestly looked surprised and asked, "I said that?" and when I told him, "Yeah!" he claimed he didn't remember! What the hell!
I wear size 8 jeans, in shape, the only thing I'm working on is toning my stomach more- I asked him one time if he wouldn't like it if I got fat. He said no, but then replied also how I probably wouldn't like it if he was chubby. I told him I wouldn't mind (I dated a big guy in my past), he looked at me dumbfounded. So now I think he's unintentionally superficial, like perhaps he's bought into this whole media's idea of what beauty is. So I don't know, perhaps things won't work out if that's how he feels, because obviously he won't love me enough if I gained too much weight, something that I'm trying not to do anyway, but still. If my mom knew the things he's said, she would not think so highly of him anymore. I'm ok, I think he knows not to make comments like that anymore, but I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with someone where I feel pressure to always stay in perfect shape.


Another time not too long after the said incident (but before I brought it up again) we had order some food and before he gave me time to see how much I served myself(which was a healthy amount, way less than the oversized portions) he sees what I had and says, "Wow, you're going to eat all that? You eat too much" I of course got upset and said something like I "Oh my god, I can't believe you just said that, that's so mean." and he says, "What you want me to lie to you?" Well then I said how he didn't even wait to see what I ate before he assumed as much (or something to that effect).
So now I'm worried that instead of being a great guy, he's slowly showing his true colors and is going to turn out to be an ***. Yet he claims to love me so much and has talked about how cute are kids will be and he hopes we can be together forever and such. Though he did reveal to me that before me he has never been in love. So perhaps he doesn't know what love is? Or perhaps that's just a line and he's really a manipulative prick?? (there's other non-food related examples, far and few between, but still) I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't want to be negative, but there it is. Any thoughts?
*** P.S. It seems more so lately when we're hanging out, we'll be watching tv and make a comment about something negative a woman is doing and not so humoursly comment that he hopes I'm not like that- and make other sublte comments, then when I get upset, he reeacts like he didn't do anything and like I'm being the bully. What the hell?

Hello, LabLover23. I think you should trust your instincts. Listen carefully to what he says. If he keeps on making comments that are disquieting, you will have a choice to make.

Love yourself. Be well.

[lynn P.]

I agree with Byz on this. I wouldn't like someone telling me how much to eat. I think your instincts are right. The fact he did it more than once is a bad sign.

[Christina86]

Dear one,

A man who makes numerous insensitive comments like that doesn't deserve you. There is "joking" but if you've made it clear that you don't appreciate the comments, and he still does it... he's either got bad hearing, memory issues, or just doesn't give a crap what you say because "he'll do what he wants to".

If you're asking, I think that's a serious enough issue to bring up with him. If he says he's "joking" then tell him why it bothers you. And if he's not willing to respect you (and honour you, and boost your self esteem, etc) then dump him. You are a wonderful woman and deserve a good man.