[chaosrob]

So I dunno, this is meant more about friendships but I suppose it can apply to any type of relationship.

At what point does it become ok to abandon someone you consider to be a friend? Is there ever an appropriate time? I guess there are so many situations and other factors to consider that you can't expect a blanket answer on such a question. But at some point I imagine that pushing yourself on someone who doesn't want or appreciate it that your only succeeding in torturing yourself over things that are beyond your control to change. But I mean if you ever really cared how that person was doing how can you ever really let go?

Once in a while you hear of people that have been friends since childhood. And I wonder what makes that bond between them so strong that even after they may have moved miles away, after they had their own families, they still remain in contact even if it's only on occasion.

Maybe they never encountered a situations that challenged their friendship. Honestly that would probably be my bet but there is always a chance that maybe one of them or the other was too stubborn to give up when everyone else thought they were wasting their time.

I dunno, seems kind of stupid in a way. I mean in some sense maybe the person is just being selfish for not letting go when it's obvious they should. If someone doesn't need you they don't need you, at that point anything you do is mostly just for your own benefit.

[chaosrob]

So I think I've given myself an answer, in order to be truly different, to try to set an example through behavior and to do what it is that I think others should be doing I have to not give up. To always be available regardless of how much it may hurt me and how much I want to cave. If I did any different I'd only become a hypocrite like everyone else

[lynn P.]

I think it's time to give up on a friendship, if it's become toxic and it's making your life worse. Yes it's good to stand by a friend is times of need and be forgiving to a point but not to let them take advantage of you or vice a versa.

[Lisa Michelle]

I think I agree with Lynn, if a friendship is hurting you then I think it's ok to walk away. But I think it should be something substantial. Unless you just drift apart, that happens.
I mean, I had a friend, my best friend, since I was 7. Soon after we turned 20, still best friends, she suddenly stopped talking to me. Didn't return my messages. I don't think I will ever get over that rejection. I'm 24 and it still hurts me. It makes you think, what is so bad about ME that someone would stop all contact? and not even say why? So for 4 years I've wondered why, and I can't help but think sometimes I'm not good enough.

If you have a friend and you love them, you consider them. As well as considering yourself, you consider them. And you make a decision, the best as you can.

Having been on the other side, I'd say if a friendship ends the best thing to do is talk. Don't just cut contact, it's hurtful and unfair. Would you do that with a boyfriend? When couples break up there's a reason, and the person breaking up is supposed to give the reason, that's how break-ups go. So I think it's not much different for a friendship.

Though, I think we can endure a lot in friendships. Because they're not our lovers, we don't have to live with them, we don't have to share everything. I have an annoying friend, and if I spend too much time with her I get very critical, though not to her face. But I can endure that because I do care about her and she cares about me. Our friendship isn't perfect and it doesn't have to be.

I hope you figure out your issues with your friend. If it's a real friendship, and there's communication, I'm sure you can both work on things. Be honest. x

[Perna]

I'm a bit confused. If someone else doesn't need/want you for a friend, haven't they already called it quits? Over the years I've had friends who haven't called, written, etc. like they were accustomed to in the past and it's been pretty clear they didn't want to be friends anymore so I don't know that there was anything needed to be done on my part (except grieve and move on).

On the other hand, if other people haven't clearly broken up with me but are just unresponsive, that too says to me, "Why do I want to continue to be "friends" with this person; it's no fun, is unfulfilling?"

It can be very sad, lonely and, if it's love affair, painful, but trying to force a relationship is like trying to push a string :-)

[NuckingFutz]

I agree with the above posters, however have one thing to add. Once in a while, when that person comes to mind, it is okay to send a prayer of good things for them or spend a moment thinking of the good times you had and then just let it go.

[garden]

I am in agreement with the posters here. One other bit of insight on walking away. Sometimes people have an opinion of you that is not true which is not up to up to dispell, but you are constantly doing so. Whatever has given rise to the other person's opinion usually is nothing you've done wrong. An example is quietness, often taken to mean a negative (confidence, timid, afraid). I find that quietness means the person just doesn't have anything to say, has a good sense of humor and is sometimes the opposite of the rumor.