Destructive mess

Well messed up stuff happens in college I guess that's universal, but I thought some how I was immune to it before I met this guy. We became fast and very close friends---and could tell each other any thing-
-he has a girl friend that goes to another school; last year they were very close--I has no intention on moving in on that relationship at all---
in fact I was really attracted to his roommate at the time-
but then one night he started moving in--then he kissed me--it came so unexpectedly--one thing led to another. . .that is not the best way to describe it--but that's the extent of it--oh and at some point after that saying "I would never want to date you" --that was just really mean
we decided to kind of forget it ever happened and just go back to being friends--but then it happened two more times---I left school for a term thinking it was all over and I would see little of him except for in our group of friends---
but then this year rolls around and there he is--still obviously attracted to me--he made me uncomfortable--It was hard for me to look him in the eye--telling myself that I have more respect for myself than that-
but then he comes around and wants to talk and tells me that he and his girlfriend have decieded to see other people-(like where does that leave me) -any way then he starts to make his move and I try to back out politely--several times infact---diffuse the sittuation--but oh God what did I do---I didn't want to--but he didn't force me---at all---
I feel horrible about it and not even really sure how to bring it up with my therapist---since he is a guy--actually it is not even the fact that he is a guy--I think I would have a problem even with a female therapist---heck I'm having problems just writting this post
I'm in some serious denile---and I guess I'm really embarrassed too
wish some one would slap me across the face--

oh and sorry for all the tense shifts in here

<font color=purple> Whatever you can do, or believe you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Goethe </font color=purple>

what is it that you have a problem with? Because you were really good friends, and now you feel like you lost the friend? Or because he had a girlfriend? I don't think you did anything to beat yourself up over. He sounds like he put you in a bad spot. There is nothing you can do to change what happened, all you can do is try to stay away from him. Sorry if that's not much help, maybe I'm missing something. Good luck.

there is more to the story-or I just go back and forth in my head by not thinking about it at all to being a little bit overwhelmed by it--to being totally emotionless about it
--I guess I am also just sad that I has some one in my life that I could talk to about any thing and it got all messed up--
what was a good friendship--is not a relationship--is now trash---that no one knows about---

<font color=purple> Whatever you can do, or believe you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Goethe </font color=purple>

You said you were very good friends and you seem to have a mutual sexual attraction. He said something stupid "I would never want to date you".
Do you feel used? Even though he put it out there in the beginning telling you it wasn't going anywhere serious. He keeps persuing a physical contact that you don't want to resist. Even though you know you will probably get hurt you fall into the moment
Pm me if you'de rather not post public.
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

I know how he feels. My best friend and I were in the same situation. I am the guy and the way I saw it was a way of showing my love for her. I don't mean it as a passionate I want to marry you love, but as a I know you'll always be there for me and I don't want you to ever go away type love. Be honest with the man, tell him you care about him deeply but that by doing that it may wreck your friendship.