[Steph2612]

Hi,

In the next few weeks my partner of 8 months will introduce his 3 boys to me. Their ages are 16, 14 & 11. My partners wife died 18 months ago. He wants me to meet them "as friends from his home town" first and then after a couple of months we will tell them we are in a realtionship. I am so scared to meet them as i am afraid they wont like me. I am looking for any advice that you can give me.
Thank you.

Steph

[justjoanie]

You would be surprised how accepting kids are today. When I started dating my partner, she was not only my friend, but also my older son's co-worker and friend. He's actually the one that introduced us and encouraged us to date. She would come hang out at the house, and watch movies with us. My kids really liked her. She didn't push anything, took it slow getting to know them. I think my daughters (who are 16 years old) figured things out pretty quickly. We are a really open family, we talk about everything. My twins really fell in love with her as a person, and a friend. She is a bit younger than me, and she really related to them on a "big sister" level, and they loved it. When I realized that they had figured out that we were way more than just friends, I talked to them. They had never seen me in a same sex relationship before. I asked if it was ok that I was dating her. They were so excited. They told me that they hadn't seen me so happy in a really long time.
It's only been about 6 months, but we have become one big happy family. She has taken over the "step-mom" role with perfection. Drives them to school, helps with homework, and is there anytime they want to talk. One of my daughters was watching tv, and something came on about moms. She said "Moms rock! And I have 2!!!"
Just be gentle and patient with them, don't treat them like children. They are plenty old enough for adult conversations. You may just end up being the one they feel they can talk to when they need an adult friend.
Everything is going to be great.... it just may take time.

You're welcome to PM me if you want to talk about this at all.
Keep smiling!

I think its the right way to go ie letting them believe you are 'friends' first.

[Steph2612]

Thanks a million for the Joannie & Tishie for the advice. Its just thats its a "mans" house now and they were so close to their mom, i just feel that the might think of me as taking over, which i do not want to do. I'll see how the "friends first" gets on.
Thanks again. xx

[justjoanie]

It's going to be good. You'll see

Good luck, Steph2612.