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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2010
Posts: 19
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Jun 03, 2010 at 06:34 PM
#1
I need advice on dealing with my fiancee's eighteen year old son. Unfortunately my fiancee and him have been friends for these eighteen years not father and son. The son is a pill popping pot head. He works maybe one week a month.He complains that I don't have a job, My contribution to this house is my foodstamps and part of my TANF as well as all the cooking and cleaningand being a full time mom to my ten year old. I am in the process of filing for disability due to being bipolar and numerous back problems. The son is constantly asking me for cigarettes and to use my cell phone. I wish he would move out. I love my fiancee but hate his son. I have tried taking to my fiancee about his son but all he can say is I know. He and his son argue almost every day about him not working. He tries to tell me that the way his son acts is typical teenager. BS! I was never a disrespectful butt head when I was that age. I moved out of my parents house when I was sixteen and have been on my own for years.
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Junior Member
Member Since May 2010
Posts: 8
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Jun 03, 2010 at 06:51 PM
#2
I think having a stepson is something you have to put up with, no matter what his problems are, as long as you want to be with his dad. 18 is not a grown-up age; however, if the father continues to support his dependency, you and your husband should expect to always support him. There has got to be a cutt-off period, the problem is at what age? Again 18yr olds can still be uncapable of maturity and independency, but it is you and your husband's job to teach him how to grow up
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Jun 03, 2010 at 11:30 PM
#3
Hello, johnsmom. Perhaps you and your fiance would benefit from discussing some guidelines/boundaries for his son? He is not working but complains you have no job? He could use some lessons in respect.
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2010
Posts: 19
14 |
Jun 11, 2010 at 04:03 PM
#4
I think we should try tough love and kick his butt out on the curb.. He thinks he is man enough to bow up on his dad then he should be man enough to get off his lazy a@@ get a job and move on. His dad also needs to quit letting him be so disrespectful of this house and everyone in it. I realise that when I took on the dad I also got the son and their dog.
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Jun 11, 2010 at 10:38 PM
#5
johnsmom, have you told your fiance what you think?
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2010
Posts: 19
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Jun 15, 2010 at 11:22 AM
#6
Yes i have tried to talk to him about him and his reply is i will talk to him. If my son was to ever be disrespectful the way fiancees son is he would probably be pulling himself out of a wall. I guess I just have to deal with this until he finally gets off his butt and moves out.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Inside my head
Posts: 342
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Jun 15, 2010 at 04:11 PM
#7
How does your fiance react when you mention tough love and kicking out for awhile? At some point he must realize that talking to him isn't getting the job done. I am for tough love too. Is the son talking of moving out soon? Is is hopeful that could be in the near future?
__________________ la doctora :mexican: |
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
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Jun 15, 2010 at 06:15 PM
#8
Blended families are difficult under ideal circumstances. I would tread very lightly with suggesting that you kick the young man out. I don’t think you want to get into a “him or me” situation with your fiancé, because if the man is worth his salt, you will lose. Husbands/Wives come and go, but your child is yours for life.
I’m particularly disturbed by your comment that you hate this young man. Hate is quite a strong word, how would you feel if you discovered that your fiancé secretly hated your own child? I don’t know about you, but that would be a deal breaker for me. One of the things I would focus on is setting up boundaries. I would discuss the fact that the son is disrespecting you verbally in your own home and that should not be tolerated whether he’s 18 months or 18 years. Please remember that you are the adult in this situation, just because he’s 18 doesn’t mean he may feel that you have invaded his “space” (assuming you moved into the already established household of father and son). You brought a ten year old, younger kids get more attention. This young man may feel that your child may be replacing him in his father’s life. Don’t engage, if he disrespects you, tell him in a calm voice that you will not be spoken to like that, if he continues ignore him. Ask your fiancé how he thinks you should deal with the situation when the boy acts up. I personally would not grant favors such as lending him my cell phone, if he is unable to act civilly. I think the biggest mistake you can make is to compare this young man to anyone else. I have four kids; my youngest are identical twin 17 year olds. Each of them has their own strengths and weaknesses. Two of them have the exact same nature and nurture and they couldn’t be more different from one another. If the boy genuinely has a drug problem, that should be the highest priority. Don’t forget addiction is an illness that has its own side effects, including behavioral issues. __________________ I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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 Anonymous29402
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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