My former stalker is dead...

seeker1950 · Jun 24, 2010, 04:58 PM

Since joining here several years ago, I've posted several times about having been the victim of a stalker who eventually broke into my house with a gun and tried to shoot me. He went to jail, then prison, during which time, the courts kept me informed of his whereabouts. About a year ago, my aunt told me he had approached her in the city doing the panhandling bit, so that is the only way I knew he was out and about.
So the way I learned of his death...Well, I had a new storm door installed, and the workman made a mistake in the placement of the door latch and so my storm door couldn't be locked, making me paranoid about leaving my front door open, especially at night. Not knowing the situation of the stalker, I went online last evening to do a search of police records for my state. I happened, then accidentally, upon his obituary. He wasn't very old, 44, and people who knew him when he was around me often said they were surprised he wasn't already dead. He died last Nov. I just assumed he was still out there doing his con jobs, stealing to support his addictions.

Well, I'm not going to say I'm glad he's no longer here on earth, but I no longer have to wonder about his presence, or my perceived threat of him. I've actually had recurring dreams that I killed him! Very disturbing dreams from which I felt guilty.

lynn P. · Jun 24, 2010, 05:10 PM

(((seeker1950))) - can't say I blame you for being glad. I didn't know this happened to you - how frightening. It's too bad we always have to worry about our doors being locked.

seeker1950 · Jun 24, 2010, 05:34 PM

When I was with this person, I was just out of a 20 year unhappy marriage. This man lived (with his parents) in my neighborhood where I bought my house. I was so happy to have my own place, not thinking of relationships at all. Every time I went outside to work in the yard, get in my car, anything...he was there! He wanted to talk, talk , talk, and shared that he was recovering from alcohol poisoning, and was starting life anew...I, stupidly, naively, thought I could help him.! I've realized, looking back, that ANY single woman in that house would have been his target. His mother even told me that "alcoholic/addicts are very good at finding people to help them, places to live. When I realized, within a matter of months, that I was in over my head, could lose everything, I attempted to extricate myself from him. He was relentless. I actually felt somehow responsible, and thought I could commicate rationally to him...NOT! Anyway, after he was incarcerated, I was court-ordered to counseling by court counselors. I guess these counselors see a lot of battered women who blame themselves. Thru all of this, I've learned that an emotionally or physically battered woman is often not thinking straight for a substantial period of time, and needs help, time to regain her self-worth! Also, I had involved the police for months, and they weren't much help till the break-in.

Sorry to ramble. This all happened over ten years ago, but since that time, I've never felt safe.