[SeptemberMorn]

Just wondering out loud...

I'm admitting that I'm the first that had big doubts about teens on this forum. After all, many of us can be triggered so easily by some behaviors. My reasoning was that I have already "done my time." I didn't want to be bothered trying to deal with teens. But it's dawned on me that the teens that come here, for the most part, are missing something essential in their lives; the attention, the understanding, the knowledge and wisdom that those of you with great parents can share with them. Those of us who had lousy parents or parents that simply didn't know how to deal with us can surely understand.

Some teens here have had the proper upbringing, some are lacking. We are a SUPPORT site, right? Doc John has chosen to NOT enforce an age limit. As adults, we need to accept that and work through it the best way we can.

Why, instead of getting down on the teens, ragging on them and their parents, why don't we impart some of the wisdom we now have to help them out instead of scolding them?

"Our" teens, and yes, they ARE "our" teens, come here for many different reasons. Some to get the attention lacking in their 3D lives, some because this is the only place they can get interaction of any kind. Some know how to ask for what they need, but most don't. Haven't some of us been in the same place as kids and teens? Surely, we can relate! Those of you who had great parents, why not impart that wisdom, understanding, knowledge and care with our younger members?

There have been comedy skits and jokes about "when I was a kid." In every skit, the one getting that quote doesn't listen. The speaker's voice gets turned off. Those that say "If you were my kid...!" probably don't have a problem teen. How about we just talk to the teens here like we would talk to our own kids and grandkids?

Speaking of grandkids, they are SO different than our own kids were; the feelings towards them. Whether we realize it or not, we're looking through different colored glasses. The glasses of experience and wisdom gained from the mistakes we made as parents. I say, let's put that to use; for the sake of the teens, the sake of our own sanity and for the sake of the site, which is SUPPORT.

If we feel that a teen is running rampant posting in every forum or making posts that offend, let's recognize that they're probably screaming for attention; ANY kind of attention. Negative is better than none at all, it's validating of their existence! Maybe these teens, if seen as an empty well, we could each add a drop here and there. Why, instead of scolding them and expecting them to know better, we TEACH them. It's obvious they are not getting that at home. Why do WE come here and rant, whine or simply ask for attention? Because we have a need! So do "our" teenagers here. Some of us adults STILL don't know how to ask for what we need.

When a child has good parents, it doesn't normally "take a village." Here, on this site, it's more likely that ANYONE who comes here, DOES need a village to help them through a rough time in our lives. For those of us who are needy, no ONE person... or two, can fill our needs. If we all share in the responsibility, it won't be nearly as hard as raising a teen on our own.

Let's give it our best effort to NOT scold, rag on or dismiss. Let's face it, us older people know that "you catch more flies with HONEY than with vinegar." Let's remember that it's not about US, it's about THEM.

If we really can't cope with the behavior that is shown, whether it be a teen or an adult, just avoid posts from that person! I know. The ignore button can be just as triggering. I've experienced it myself. It's not easy, but just go right past any posts by anyone who triggers you! It's each INDIVIDUAL that has the power and the self-control to IGNORE.

Just want all those who read through to the end that I've said these words in love. In love for my wonderful friends, for those I don't know very well and for the teens of this site.

One last thing. So many think that the Internet is not "Real Life." Oh, yes it is! The relationships we form are just as real as someone you can see and touch. It has the same impact on our minds, hearts and souls. Example: Ryan, our dear friend here. Tell me his exuberance and his illness HASN'T affected us! For those of us that "know" him, we can't say that, can we? It's the same with everyone here, not to mention teens who can be so easily swayed towards the negative.

Ok... Fini!

[Gemstone]

I have to admit, I was a bit hesitant to read this. I was worried about the content, but that was a great post! Thank You!

[mrb020377]

Tomi,
It is ironic that you mention this!!1 I too had my doubts about "teens" in the forums... My thoughts were they are still kids... what do they know.... however, I then thought what I would have given to have someplace as a teen to go and talk about my feelings. my thoughts, the way things are going in my life....
Had I had a place to go and talk about my abuse then, maybe my life would be different now. Maybe I wouldnt have made the mistakes I have made had I had a place to go and talk about what was happening.

Some of the post I find childish sometimes..... but hey we are all kids at heart right? WE all need to be heard. that is what this place is for. I agree with you.. instead of getting angry or upset or even ragging on someone.... we need to support everyone here. Not just some.... EVERYONE!

I can not thank everyone enough for the support they have given me here. More support than I ever imagined. I know that I am not the worlds greatest mom, and i dont try to be... but had someone given me the chance to talk about my life when i was a teen, I think it would have helped.

I am glad that you made this post... You are one GREAT LADY Tomi!!!!!

[Shaymus]

Thats a great post Tomi!! I agree 100%. Teens who are having problems come here to be heard just as any of us do. Their need isnt any less than mine. I remember once the youngest daughter of my gf having a bad day and someone telling her that her problems wernt that big in the grand scheme of things. Her response? "They are to me though". Such a simple response but it brought back all the chaos and anxiety of being a teenager and made me realize that just cause it didnt seem like a huge problem to my parents, didnt mean it wasnt for me. People give allowances to pregnent women because of raging hormones and yet teenagers oft times get none of such considerations.

I also agree that lots of us here had parents. What a wonderful chance to react to teens how we would have wanted to be reacted to when we were feeling upset. To be heard and validated is a powerful thing.

[SeptemberMorn]

Scared ya, did I? I'm glad you liked the post.

[SeptemberMorn]

I knew you'd understand. What both of us would have given to have someone to talk to that understood or would have expressed any kind of interest in our problems.

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I remember once the youngest daughter of my gf having a bad day and someone telling her that her problems wernt that big in the grand scheme of things. Her response? "They are to me though".

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That so hurts my heart, Shay!! Early on, somehow I learned that my problems or my feelings meant absolutely NOTHING to my mother because they were nothing compared to HERS! I learned to keep my mouth shut and suffer in silence on my own. I applaud the teens that come on here and completely raise Hell to get the attention they so desperately need! It's that inner "REBEL" that makes them do that. I eventually became that rebel! Now it's up to us to understand what's going on and help them as best we can.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Shay}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Just because you're YOU.

wow tomi.....bravo!!!!!!!!!! you took the time to look inside..and outside of yourself........a month or so ago your attitude toward "our" teens here was a very different one!...to be able to see the issue of teens on this site in such a new way shows strength and an extraordinary spirit....i am proud to call you a friend.....julia

[SeptemberMorn]

Sometimes I'm slow on the up-take and other times, I'm worse; I'm selfish, but eventually I come around.

{{{{{{{{{{Julia}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Mutual Admiration Society! I'm equally as proud to have YOU as my friend.