Out of control

Please move this post if it doesn't belong here. But I got into a fight with my mum a couple of days ago. She hit me then I started to cry and laugh at the same time. Started a panic attack. She triggered me! Started throwing stuff against the hard wall. Kept pushing here back and as I finally got out of control. She wanted a hug and I dropped on the floowr screaming and shouting. Moving everywhere. Then broke her wooden man thing. Didn't mean to but it was quite big and I kept hitting my arm against it. Then I got sent to my room and went to sleep knowing that I can't control how much anger and pain people can cause....stress!

bump.

I'm sorry that happened to you, Miss_A. I don't have any suggestions for you though. I'm sorry. Maybe discuss this with your T? It's hard when you realize you don't have control over something. Especially at your age...I remember being angry at my lack of control. It gets better though.

Deep breath...

Maybe you need more of "time out". My parents would never tolerate such behaviour, there use to be something called, "discipline", so much of what young parents and their kids lack so much of. Lack of discipline and structure is what is ruining the kids today. It's not ADD/ADHD, and other things believed to cause behavioural problems (though in some cases disorders can play a big part in behavioural problems)it's lack of discipline, structure, punishmnet or rewards to fit the desired behaviour, vacant or part time parenting.
As a parent, I would never tolerate your behaviour you tell
us about here at the forums. In some respects, I get the impression you just may spoiled a tad. This panic attack you mention, sounds more like a child not having their way, and rebelling. Try, to be mature, have talks with you mom, share some housework, if you are home and not working a job.
You will find if you just practice some self-control,settle yourself down, have a chat with her, you just may be able to improve your communication and relationship, which really can cut out this stress.

DE~
I dont think anyone could have said it any better. Thank you.

Beth

You know that as a parent I do not know how to respond to this type of story. The reason is that I am completely with D.E. except, I was tortured and abused and maybe there were times when I was naughty, or bad after an incident. I tried to be good and stay safe. So I just feel at a loss to respond when I don't know the situation. I dealt with what was happening to me in the only way I knew how.

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And.......?

IMHO, it's not harrasment. She knows this may not be the proper forum for her post. I'm thinking it's Anxiety if she had a panic attack.

Miss _A, do you have ADD? Just a question. You don't have to answer here. I know that people with ADD many times respond with what my daughter used to call "melt down." Sounds like that's what you had.

If you have ADD, maybe that forum would be best for this kind of post? I'm thinking it's not PTSD.

Take care of YOU, ok?

I am not sure I understand your meaning of "hit". did she spank you or slap or just what? I am with DE that kids today are not disciplined and get by with so much. And for you to throw things in your mom's house? oh my gosh! I would not have been sent to my room. I would have had the snot beat out of me. I hope you gain some respect for your parents. You need it it seems.

I do have some respect for my parents. But it's really hard to be so close to think. When they snap at me for no reason. Oh well.... parents will be parents... I guess.

you never did answer did she spank you or slap, you..

I know this must be painful? but if you acted out like this, why? YOu have talked to me aobut some of this before and I sorta understand but what happend to make her hit you or spank you..

I do not fully understand can you give us some more info so we can help you

As an older parent, I can definitely say, I would not tolerate that behavior whether ADD, ADHD, anxiety attacks, or what ever was involved. You never said what you got into a fight over with your mother about either that caused her to "hit" you in the first place. There are things as parents that we WILL not put up with no matter how it is excused away. What is sounds like to me is a childish tantrum in reaction to your mother expecting better behaviour out of you than what you did or said.

What is this "some respect" for your parents? I can guarentee you that the comment "children will be children" is just as inappropriate as the comment "parents will be parents". It is our responsibility to train our children to respect authority & to behave in an acceptable manor in society. Just because a child doesn't like being taught these important lessons, doesn't give a child the RIGHT to act like that.

It may be your opinion that she had no reason to "snap" at you, but you may not be understanding what she was trying to get across to you either before it happened. Chosing to act in a way that caused your mother to react the way she did should make you stop & think about the whole picture. The term "triggered" is also inappropriate unless there is PTSD involved which from previous posts seems unlikely. It sounds more like "acting out" against authority than a trigger.

There is also something for you to think about is to put yourself into the parent role & think about the situation in terms of you being the parent & having a child that acted like you did. Think about it honestly & whether you would want a child what was acting like that & how you would handle it.

I don't even allow my dogs or horses to behave in such a manor. The other day when I was taking my 10 month old filly for a walk being led by my horse, she said "no way" & flung herself onto the ground. Do you think it is smart to allow an animal that will soon weigh 1500 lbs to act like that? She has to learn acceptable behavior & a tantrum sure isn't acceptable (horse nor child). I got off my horse, got her up, & jerked on the stud chain a few times to let her know it was "completely unacceptable". She walked with me & tried a little acting out again & again, I let her know it wasn't acceptable. After only a few minutes, we were walking around without any scene. The praises flowed when she was good (no treats, just verbal praise). I then got up on my other horse & I was able to walk her all around the ranch. The correlation is that misbehavior meets with disaproval until the appropriate behavior is acheived. At that time there must be recognition of the good & praise. But until the appropriate behavior is acheived, there will be consequences. This is all part of training, whether animals or people.

I can't imagine you growing up in my place where parents were "sir" & "Maam" & there was no talking back let alone tantrums. Punishment was a spanking & hopefully a month of being grounded for something like you described. There was no such thing as "some" respect with any adult. I slacked off with my daughter but if she ever had tried something like that, I would have felt like I had to get tougher & she would have had more rules like I had growing up.

Think about the whole picture & put yourself into your mothers place & how you would want a child of yours acting.

Debbie

I know you wouldn't. Ok, looking back it was stupid. But the thing is she hit me as slap around the face. So that made me lose control. Parents shouldn't hit the children even if they are doing something bad. The fact is you hit your child the more they feel it's right to hit someone if doing wrong. Any way it's now stupid because I was agruing over the internet again. Because I was baned for a whole week 7 DAYS! Not even to check my mails. If you have read my post "I'm addicted to the internet!" Then I really can't help it. So hard to get away from the computer unless my mind is set off. I didn't aim to hurt any way but myself. After breaking this wooden man statue on the floor. My arm was bruised badly. I just can't take control over my life! So I might as well go on the computer to take control of my mind. Yes, I'm ashmed but no I'm not getting off of the %#@&#! computer just yet!

See if I were your mom ,and to hear you talking like that to me .. I'd take the internet totally away from you . Changing the password or something or just getting rid of the computer altogether for that time you were not allowed to be near it. That language in my parents home was sooo totally UNACCEPTABLE!!!! And my dear, if done in the right way and manner, a spanking never hurt me. Maybe my pride at thet time. But I learned the lesson . I have a feeling your mom wasnt altogether out of hand there. Sometimes we need to think before we act. Think about it

Beth

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Miss_A said:
Parents shouldn't hit the children even if they are doing something bad.

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Are you kidding me? As a child I was spanked (and I am only 10 years older than you) a handful of times. I can remember each one vividly. I deserved it too. Those punishments made an impact. I learned right from wrong. You don't seem to be understanding that.

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The fact is you hit your child the more they feel it's right to hit someone if doing wrong.

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Again, I disagree. I would NEVER hit another person to solve a problem. I wasn't raised that way. If I was spanked there was a reason and it was discussed.

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Any way it's now stupid because I was agruing over the internet again. Because I was baned for a whole week 7 DAYS! Not even to check my mails. If you have read my post "I'm addicted to the internet!" Then I really can't help it. So hard to get away from the computer unless my mind is set off.

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That is ridiculous! 7 days is extremely reasonable for your behavior. And honestly, had you thrown your little tantrum for me, it would have been a month. Suck it up, and do your time. I believe you need other hobbies than just the internet anyway. Go outside and enjoy the fresh air.

When I was in high school, I called myself in sick to school one day because I didn't want to go. It was the first time I had ever done anything like that. Not only was the internet taken away for 3 months, my parents were livid! This was for a first time incident. At this time I had also just met my future husband. The internet was our only means of communication.

So I have very little sympathy for your "addiction". Personally, your computer would be gone from your bedroom if it were my house.

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I didn't aim to hurt any way but myself. After breaking this wooden man statue on the floor. My arm was bruised badly. I just can't take control over my life! So I might as well go on the computer to take control of my mind. Yes, I'm ashmed but no I'm not getting off of the %#@&amp;#! computer just yet!

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Delibrately disobeying your parents isn't taking control of your life, its bucking authority. Challenging anyone who is trying to help you. Miss_A...talk to some of the people here about what they endured as children. Some folks here were truly abused by their parents/grandparents. If it were me, I would be a little embarrassed of my immature reactions to people who obviously care about you and want what is best for you.

If you want to take control of your life, then do it! Suck it up and start acting like an adult.

I have been 14 and I know it is a confusing time with lots going on, but it is not the end of the world! Make decisions and stick with them. It's for your own best interest. If you begin acting like an adult, maybe your parents will begin treating you like an adult.

Good luck Miss_A.

Anyone hear of an old biblical (duh,I think biblical)saying, that goes like this "spare the rod, spoil the child", dad use to say that. There is so much truth to it too, which is obvious in many kids growing up today.
I'm not saying abusing a kid is right, but spankings and/or setting limits never killed us kids of the "earlier days", in fact it taught respect. Respect gets respect.
Not to make light of things, but my mom would pull the wires out of the computer and throw it out the window, she doesn't care for computers anyway. We didn't have computers then, so many things that had not yet been invented, but who knows, maybe that was a good thing.
Her verbal threats use to work, after learning what spanking or slapping can bring. After verbal warnings or dad's arched eyebrow, that was enough to let us know to behave, so eventually unless we were stupid, we learned about limits, boundaries, structure and respect, not needing spankings any longer, so you see it does work, it has for ages, beginning of time.
Too many cop outs today, allowing bad behaviour, I do not subscribe to most cases, but do not deny that there is a legitimate (sp?) small percentage with disorders that poor behaviour can result from. But even that can be addressed,by working with a child psychologist and or pdocs. the child and families can learn skills that may be needed to eliminate unwanted behaviour. That also applies to kids with ADHD, they work with those kids and their parents to help them adjust and develop control.
Key is consistancy.
Beth, that was a good post.

DE

I don't think the blame should be laid on your mom like that Miss A. She is the one in control of your life right now. Her and your father. They are the ones to make most decisions for you. You are 14 right? You are still a child and live in your parents home. My son acted out like that and I kicked him out at 17. He had quit school and would do nothing but lay around all day. still he was so close to be 18 that I had no choice in my decision at that time. I feel for parents with young children these days. You should be ashamed of your behavior. just my 2cents worth.