[Damnaged_S0ul]

She's had a lot of mistreatment in her life, which I won't go into in depth on a public forum. But she suffers from PTSD, and dissociative states, she has a hard time trusting others (so do I). She means so very much to me, I talk to her and listen when she chooses to discuss her past, It can be hard for me to hear the things shes been through, but next to her trials that is nothing.
I want to hurt the people that hurt her, even though some of them are long dead, it's the idea that people could treat another person that way, especially her.

She's going to try to get into EMDR therapy, and from what I've read it seems very.. loosely defined, I'm concerned that it might be some sort of scam, or could damage her more. I haven't mentioned my concern about it to her because she seems very hopeful in the treatment.

I also keep having thoughts that I don't deserve her, someones going to take her away, I'm not allowed to be happy.. etc. She's really good about reassuring me she cares, but won't she get tired of this huge weakness in me?

I never believed in soulmates before, but she feels like exactly that to me.
What can I do to try to help her further?
What can I do to quiet the voices in my head that keep shouting that I can't have happiness?

~Damnaged_S0ul

[FeelingHopeful]

Everyone deserves happiness! I think its great your support. If you dont mind me asking how old yu.ou are?

[Damnaged_S0ul]

I'm thirty-four, she's a few years older and it's unacceptable to mention a lady's age, so I won't.

I care very, very much for her but...

I keep having thoughts I can't control.
That I don't deserve her, that something will happen to take her away.
That she'll wake up and realize I'm a monster, as so many have in the past..

I'm scared, nothing scares me.
I've been in numerous situations where my life could end in a millisecond...
But this scares me more than anything, ever.

I need to be there and I need to be strong for her, but I'm no good if I keep falling apart out of fear. It's easy to say and to mean that you'll die for someone you love.
So much harder to live for them. Death is a single sacrifice, life is an ongoing one.

May your hard work pay dividends.

[jenkins09]

I think its great that you can be a source of support for her in her time of need. May I suggest that you seek out your own therapy for these feelings of unworthiness? The last thing you want is for that to become an issue between the two of you. I wish you the best.

[Damnaged_S0ul]

I'm thirty-four, she's a couple years older.
We have a lot of obstacles to overcome, they will cause us pain, I know that.
Old wounds don't heal unless they're opened up and debreded. I wish I had more confidence in me. I know my affection for her is deep, but due to my low self esteem, I often doubt her feelings. I'm afraid something will either take her from, or drive her from me. These feelings seem to get more intense the more she means to me. Some days I'm fine and I need to assure her of my feelings, others, I need reassurance.

All I have to offer is all that I am.
I try to be a decent man, I refuse to lie to her, to belittle her, or abuse her. I listen when she talks and try to understand the things that are a part of her life. I read up on her mental, and medical conditions, I learn about her hobbies so that I can have a better frame of reference when she speaks about them. I know that no-one had better harm her and I find out about it, she's strong enough to take it. But it's a respect issue.

Can anyone explain EMDR therapy in a bit more detail, how it's done and how it works?

If I could have custom ordered a woman, she is easily what could have been delivered.
Smart, sexy, witty, understanding of my faults, supportive.

I've been in numerous situations where my life could end.
But this scares me more than anything, ever.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey damaged soul

You obviously love her and she loves you and though I know the fear of losing someone I also know the joy of loving and being loved. Take one day at a time and allow yourself to enjoy each day together.

I know it's hard but this is something that's important to you every negative thought, replace with a positive one and have peace of mind that you are together,

Rhian

http://www.emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html