intimacy

I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall here. How do you bring back long lost intimacy? the passion? errrrrrrrrrrr

Bebop...
That's a good question. I never had it in my marriage to begin with, so I'm the wrong person to try to answer you.
If this is something both you and your partner desire, then I think it can be regained. If it is only on the part of one partner...good luck!
Seeker

I have to agree with seeker. It can only happen if both of you want it. Maybe you need to arrange a long weekend together away from all your everyday choirs and obligations. Take some time to relax and enjoy each other again. I would have to say the hardest part will be communicating to each other. after all the sexist part of the body is the mind.

i agree with artist and seeker. and it is hard to get it back, after a certain point. if your partner also wants it, it can be done. take some time, together, and discuss it and make some plans to work on it.......xoxo pat

thank you all. I don't know...I feel like most of the time I am talking to the wall with him. try as I might lol...well maybe it will come back soon..*sigh*

I agree with Pat, Artist & Seeker....."it takes 2 to tango". If both are in agreement, a second honeymoon would be a place to start.....making is like the first one if that is what the first one was like. I'm like seeker....never was part of the marriage...& with plans of divorce, never will be either. I gave up on more than just that, but agree with the talking to the wall.....he has been the wall for 30 years.....I'm just too tired of it all to even care any more.

I hope you never get to that point,
Debbie

I have been giving this more thought. How old are the two of you? Age can bea factor here. Is he in fair condition? getting exercise can help the energy level. How many years have you been married? Yes boredom can and does creep into the bedroom. try something new. Maybe roll play or each of you write out a fantasy you could act out, or just tell each other about. Play poker for sexual favors he wins a hand you have to do what he wants , You win a hand he has to do what you want. Have you ruled out any medical conditions that maybe effecting his sex drive? Is he on any meds? Whats it been like for him at work. Stress is another thing that can really effect sexual energy. The bottom line is that the two of you have to really start communicating about this. Be direct and be loving in how you talk to him. Let him know how important this is to you. That "Brick Wall" might be his way of not facing up to what he" thinks" is his failure as a man. Yes the male ego is in play here, so be gentle in your approach. This is why I feel a councilor might be a good idea.
This might be something very simple and easy to fix.

thanks artist but actually I wasn't talking about the sexual aspect of marriage per say but more the intimacy of a relationship. but yes I suppose sex does play a part in intimacy too. but you know just like the just cuddling part of it or more foreplay of it....intimacy in general I guess...we have been married 3 yrs but together for 8. I am 48 he is 52 but this started about 5 yrs ago....never though has he ever ever been a communicator. when I do try to talk to him about anything at all all I get is yep or ok .

oh duh me!! I was going to add that this is that it is not just him.....he shaved his beard/goatee thingy a few days ago and I did not even notice it lol.....strange how we have our own little worlds....but we are not a close couple I suppose....geez I couldn't believe I did not notice!!!

Bebop, lol....didn't even notice it...that was great. We do get into our own worlds.

Artist, I have been married to him for 30 years of a marriage that never should have been in the first place. We got married when he was 23 & I was 22. He just graduated from college & I still had several years to go. I was up front in what I expected in a marriage & had no intention of giving up my goals for anyone....told him if he thought I would to just "go away". He was very immature...who isn't at 23? The only problem was that I expected him to grow up as he got older....it never happened & to this day, he is just as irresponsible & childish as he was the day I married him. He wants everything handed to him on a silver platter & gets pissy when he doesn't get what he wants....saying that the world is in control of his world....IMO, he never has even tried to take any control of his own life. Oh this is just the tip of the iceberg as to why I don't even want to waste any more time on him. He knows the buttons to push on me that tend to leave me in depression....Yes, I own the fact that it is my reaction to him, but when you know how you are going to effect someone & you go ahead & do it?????? & then if I get irritated & an argument happens & I get pushed again, he feels justified to hit, saying it was just his reaction to me. I am just plane sick of this in my life & need out....I don't want to waste any more time....even though it has been 30 years & yes, there have been some ok times, but those few times aren't worth the others. I haven't said much about this here...it seems to be too personal to bring the crappy details into the public, so this is where I need to end talking about my problems. The bottom line is that it isn't working & I don't want to do anything more to try & make it work.

Intimacy is more than sex...it's also just being very close to each other....not gonna happen here. Didnt mean to take over your post. That is why I said it takes both to make it happen & if the both of you want to rekindle your pasts you will be able to...with the right communication which may also take therapy too.

Debbie

eskie I did at least apologize to him though lol

I think the intimacy emotionally is great and the psyhical is ok. I'm going to keep it that way, as I don't want to do something stupid. He's really nice guy and I'm so lucky to be with him.

Hi folks,

I feel like I'm trespassing a bit in this thread, but I'd like to share something nice. I remember about 20 years ago, saying to my partner that age doesn't matter if you love each other. As you get older you don't see the wrinkles, you just see the person you love.

Well it's 20 years later and she looks as young as ever to me, I just don't see the age. I know that we're lucky, and I know that I am lucky.

Maybe the biggest thing is the way our daughter looks at us, so happy that we are still together, and that her world is safe.

I've had my share of bad times, as you folks know, but golly when you have a good relationship with someone, whoever it is, parent, wife or child, just be glad of every day you get.

Good thoughts, M

amen myzen!!

myzen......what a beautiful post....i knew there were good men left in this world!.......and i could so identify with the way your daughter looks at you 2 as a couple who has persevered....my kids are the same way...thanks for the lovely post ...

Myzen,

very well said, congradulations on your relationship too!

SongBird

Myzen ~
You said it best!

I had to smile tonight. Hubby and I ate supper together. He and I havent seen alot of eachother the past couple of days with me being on my shopping frenzy with my friends. I could tell he missed me. I think I need to go away more often for him to appreciate the things I do for him around here. I got the best kiss and hug I have gotten since I was in the hospital in March. I felt everything there in that moment there tonight. One of those I remember why I fell in love with you moments ya know?

So B maybe the hospital stuff and all that is a precursor to what is yet to come for you and hubby. Watch out after surgery hon. Ya'll may be getting some happy pants around there then! LOL. Luv ya~

Hugz~
Bethy

hahahaha Bethy...I am so happy for you...I think if I could afford to get away without him or even together alone things would be better