[hayleytheherbivore]

I just got in a fight with my dad. Today is presidents day so I don't have school. I got up at 10 and did stuff around the house and went to my room with my cat about 1 PM. I wasn't even in there any hour, I was listening to music and had my gel relaxation mask on and my dad started getting really mad.

Let me tell you - I have achieved a LOT in the past month. I've worked my booty off on my instruments and am now a state finalist in my cello solo, working towards state champion. I am in a city symphony that takes up hours of my time along with private lessons. I've been cramming in a ton of tournaments for debate and academics, all of which I've placed in and my grades are good. I'm hanging out with my friends and being social when I can and I'm SO MUCH HAPPIER THAN I USED TO BE.

My parents do not recognize that. When they aren't pushing me to do better and giving me more pressures and standards to live up to, they complain about the things I'm doing wrong. Like today. Relaxing in my room alone for less than an hour. My dad started yelling at me and telling me how lazy I am and that he's gonna tell my therapist just how wrong it is and how he'll lock me out of my room in daylight hours from this point on if I don't go do something productive.

I used to sleep a lot when I would get really depressed but this was not like that circumstance at all. I have been ACTIVE and doing WELL, not laying around all day doing nothing and being sad. It's obvious to anyone I'm doing better, and even my therapist has told him this. But nope. He's still convinced somewhere that if I take a nap, it means I'm plotting to jump off a building.

When I tried to argue with him, he told me I was "acting crazy" and made me take more meds so I can be "normal".

This is so frustrating.
It only makes me want to REBEL and have no remorse when I sneak out with friends and do things they wouldn't approve of.

They have verbalized this, I am not mindreading when I say they think that because I'm their youngest child and still have a year and a half before college that they can fix me and make me normal unlike my sisters who are "long gone" and "out of their control." So it's not fair to me that I'm being punished and held back by my sister's mistakes.

Yet even when she lived in the house her senior year, they would find drugs in her room and wouldn't say a word. Never confronted her about it once, let her drive off in the middle of the night and go to parties... while I was confined and on lockdown and forced to do "well rounded" things. Yes there were differences between us. I was the one in treatment and having a lot of emotional issues. But the way they have and did crack down on me was completely overbearing.

Too intrusive. They're too intrusive. I feel bad for people who are on the other spectrum of where their parents don't really care. Mine care, but they are possessive about it and it's suffocating.

I'm steaming. I sound spoiled and bratty when I say this, but I can't wait to leave this house. College couldn't come sooner right now.

[Rose76]

From what you say, it sounds like your parents don't recognize progress. It sounds to me like you are doing very well, indeed. Maybe your parents should contemplate more on families who have a member who fails to respond to help/treatment and goes deeper into depression. They need to start counting their blessings. Unless you're hiding an awful lot (and my sense is that you're not,) they don't have much to complain about.

[hvert]

Congrats on the cello championship! You don't sound spoiled and bratty. Anyone would be upset under those circumstances! You are not your sisters.

Would it be possible (and helpful?) to have your parents attend a therapy session with you? Since your father brought up talking to your therapist, maybe you could take him up on it. Your parents may benefit from talking with a counselor about how to set appropriate boundaries with their teenage-to-adult children.

It sounds to me like your dad has a lot of himself invested in making sure you're the one with the "problem," so he can feel better about himself. When they talk about your older siblings being "out of their control," they mean, "living their own lives, instead of doing what we say all the time." They no longer have a say over your adult siblings, so they're doing everything they can to control you to death.

Do you have a school counselor you can go to? Being in therapy may in one way play into your father's hand. "See? I told you you're messed up, and that's why you have to see a shrink." I know, my family played that game with me. They made darn SURE to rile me up emotionally as much as they could, so they can tell me I'm crazy and should see a counselor. But in reality, it's the ones in the family who are *most* normal that get the help. The rest, who think they're just fine the way they are and it's the whole rest of the world that's messed up, don't know enough to get any help.