Is it okay if I put my story here?

I'm not sure if it is and if it's not then I apologize in advance. I just wanted to hear another person's view on my story and any advice they'd be willing to give.

I'm seventeen and all my life I've dealt with my parent's marriage issues. When I was around five, my mother took my brother and I on a plane to meet a man that she met on the internet. The trip only lasted a day because I'm assuming that there was no connection between them in person like there was through the internet. I was young and didn't understand so it never affected me until years later when the sore subject was brought to my attention again.

Years passed and all was well until about four years ago, I was starting my first year of high school and I started to feel a strain between my parent's marriage. There was small amounts of arguing from time to time but like when I was younger, it didn't affect me very much.

Last summer my mother took my brother and I to Las Vegas to see her sister who she hasn't seen in years. She loved visiting her and according to my mother that was the first time in a while that she truly could say she was happy. We spent about a month there and flew home. When we came home things were smooth until my mother started to feel down and the arguing started again. My mother has suffered from bi-polar for about seven years now so I thought things were just somewhat not right and they'd get better soon when we were all settled down from the long trip.

Two months passed and my mother lost her psychiatrist because he was taking on another job. He offered her a list of new psychiatrists that she could try out and she did. She went to a meeting, told one of them that she was suicidal and they baker-acted (providing individuals with emergency services and temporary detention for mental health evaluation and treatment when required) her. Ever since then she's blamed my father for being baker-acted.

Now it's August and ever since September I've dealt with the strain of my parent's pulling me against one another. My mother has told me that she's only with my father because he retires in another year and she'll be able to pull in his retirement after that. My father has told me that he's only with my mother because of my brother and I. Every night for the past week, I've sat in my room and listened to them bicker back and forth about how they don't love one another and that they'll both fight for custody for my brother and I.

Tonight I feel like it was the last straw. My father was saying good night to everyone and as he was going to bed my mother started an argument with him. The argument fumed for about five minutes and then my mother called me out of my bedroom and started yelling at me because "I don't stick up for her". She kept yelling about their marriage, how she has no money if they separate, how I'm a bad person because I don't stick up for her, etc. My father fired back by telling her that she just needs to go get her own place and needs to get a lawyer. I told both of them that I don't understand why they pull me against each other and need to get a divorce or some type of separation even if it's temporary. They both had nothing to say.

What I'm trying to get at is that I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of crying and stepping on eggshells trying to please both of them by telling them what they want to hear so I'm not the bad guy. The strain of their marriage to tearing me apart and I can't seem to get that through their head no matter how hard I try.

I go see my psychologist next week and I plan on telling her what has been going on but for now I just wanted another person's opinion on everything or just someone to talk to since I don't have anyone.

Thank you to those of you who read this. I know it's long and I do apologize for that. Thank you again, I really do appreciate it. I apologize yet again if this wasn't the place to share my story.

It is heartbreaking. Having to hear the fights is one thisg terrible as it may be but it is very unfair and just plain wrong to bring you in and make you choose sides. Just kniw its not your fault and some of this may be your mothers illness I can't say for sure. I'm glad you have a psychologist to go talk to. You can always post here too. :hugs. Hang in there.

Thank you, Bridgie for listening I appreciate it and it means a lot to me. I'm really trying to hang in but it just gets tougher and tougher everyday. A part of me wants to call up a relative and ask if I could stay there but I don't want them to feel the agony that I do.

((((hazydays))))

You are in such a sad situation. You shouldn't be pulled back and forth between your parents, but in a war there has to be two sides and there has to be a pledge, wrong as it is, it happens. I do think however that your mother is setting you up for when she leaves. She is waiting to seperate when your dads retirement money comes in and if she goes before that she has nothing. Very sad and very manipulative too. If I were her if I was unhappy I'd have gone long ago money or no money.

I think your dad has been as patient as he can be but doesn't understand bipolar if he did things may have been somewhat different. When it comes down to it being 17 you have the choice of who you live with. You need peace and balance in your teen years especially while you are still in school, so that you can do your best to achieve things you want to achieve in college. You don't need to live in a situation where you are being called on to be the peer to your mother; she is the adult and should act like it.

I can see your mom moving to Las Vegas to be near her sister, but I am concerned about you and your brother going with her. She needs to be in treatment and you don't need to be her carer whilst she is in treatment, which I feel is what she will make you. I think your dad understands that and that is why he would go for custody. That in itself raises a whole bunch of other questions and situations because you know that your mom will never let up about it; that is not the way to make a decision about where you should live. I just think your dad is the stable head in the relationship and I guess because I was so close to my dad, I would suggest you live with your dad simply because he is the one more likely to ensure a stable lifestyle until you go to college, at which time you are free to make your own decisions about everything,

Good luck with it hazy, we will be here to support you as best we can,

Rhiannon