[Junerain]

Been dating this guy Mark for 7 weeks now, and he has practically moved in....because we only have one car between us until Friday when I get my brother's car, I am always driving him places, to all his soccer events...I used to enjoy knowing he gets to do something he loves because of me, enjoy sharing my life with someone, after all, I had been extremely lonely for a long time...but I'm beginning to think we are not right for each other...and I may even have the possibility for someone who would really appreciate me....and I was even about to 'give' him my car......ugh how do I get out of this? I really enjoy his sense of humor, and how he thinks of me and what I need usually..at least more than other guys had thought of me in the past **sigh**...help...

[Junerain]

I think I am going to go to my house, ask him to collect his things, and go..it is just so hard finding the words to break it off sometimes...they do not come to me..the assertion required....I never am assertive...and the companionship, I will miss that a great deal.....back to being lonely for a while **sigh**

[notz]

((((((Junerain))))))))

You will find the words. May I suggest you write them down first? You can rehearse the words a little and maybe that will help you be more assertive.

...in your corner.

[REINE D AMOUR]

i agree with you it is hard ,but i think you are strong and you will do it ,

[Junerain]

Ahhhhh, he held me close and said he loved me for the first time saying it. Said he knew I was feeling emotional, that he was an empath...good to hear, I am an empath as well.....I told him I would never doubt his love for me again

[Perna]

June, that's a bit of an abrupt switch, from "go away" to "love" in one holding, especially after seven weeks. You still might want to take some time, in your own space, to test your feelings for one another.

[lynn P.]

I think it may be moving too fast but I also don't think you need to break up though. When you're used to being alone with space, it's difficult to have a person around you all the time, especially if they are dependent on you.

What would he do for soccer if he didn't know you - who would he get a ride with. It's important especially for some women. to get comfortable with saying "no" to people. 'People pleasers' are always putting themselves last and others first. If you're like this, you need to work on being comfortable with saying "no" and establishing personal boundaries without feeling guilty. If you feel it's moving too fast, you can slow it down - it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Best of luck.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

(((( ((((Junerain)))) )))),

He's empath? You're empath? and yet he only tells you when he's in danger of losing his taxi and you sink right into it after 7 weeks and tell him you'll never doubt his love again?!

Oh dear! This has gone from you thinking that there was a possibility of someone else who might be more sensitive to your needs to never doubting the first one again even though you've only known him 7 weeks? You need to ground and gather your strength. I know that it is difficult sometimes going from being alone to having someone in your life, but don't let him move in after 7 weeks when you can't even be sure of your own feelings.

I really hope this goes well Junerain

[sanityseeker]

Part of the reason my relationship broke down was the inbalance between his need for me to be with him and my need for alone time. We never found the balance until he move out.

I think people need to rethink relationships in the sense of all or nothing. In this day and age when people can economically live alone I wonder why people are so quick to co-habitate. When children enter the picture then yes, co-habitate if you can but even then I know from experience that children can do just as well without their parents living together as they can with them living apart so long as they know and feel the love.

Honour yourself Junerain. Take time to make up your own mind based on your own needs and best interests. There is more then one way to do most everything including maintaining a lasting, loving relationship with someone.

I am in my 50's now and I can tell you there are many of my generation who are discovering new ways to maintain long term monogomous relationships without living together. It seems like the best of both worlds to me. Especially for the woman!!

Consider all of your options. Don't fall into something to please someone else or because it is the norm. Be your own woman. Find out what you really want and need and honour it. Please yourself first. If you don't you will soon find out how much more painful the lonliness inside a relationship can be. I lived it and it isn't pretty.

Break tradition and hold yourself above all else and everyone else.

[steffi01]

i agree with rihannon plz gather yourself and take your time . why hurry things and then regret. being alone is better than being used. there is plenty of fish in the sea !!!u must internalize the fact that u r special n need to b with someone who makes u feel this way!!! you know what i mean?

[Junerain]

I know my needs, I have a strong need for deep, pensive communication, which I have found in my fascinating conversations with Mark, I love them soo much! Also he is always holding me, I love just being held close, by his initiative! I see the world the way he does, eccentrically, we share one vision, a thoughtful one at that. He thanks me for everything, buys me things, the sex is great, I truly am happy.

No one had ever told me they loved me before, not anyone....I needed to hear this desperately...and I did.. over and over since that day when I said I needed to hear it!

Love not living alone, love planning our schedules accordingly, and he has been asking what _I want to do more and more since that day I communicated my needs and he held me close.