A first: NOT wanting a man!

Hi, all,
I'm in a strange and new mindset of not feeling the need to seek out or meet a man! What's this about?
I spent the past 6 months grieving and working toward recovery from this last attempt at relationship which failed. I walked around a zombie for months, longing to hear something hopeful from the man, but , NADA.
Now, I'm no longer in emotional pain, marveling at each day, enjoying my surroundings, my home, my students. It's a first for me, not to feel the need to seek out yet another attempt at forming a relationship.
I've worked so hard in the past, giving beyond what was called for. Am I just now being cynical and a bitter old woman, or is this finally having learned to be content alone?
Seeker "Patty"

i think its a wonderful place to be....enjoy!

There's being "cinical" and there's being "content"; two different things. For now, ENJOY! I'm with Julia... it's a great place to be!!

Butterfly and Oz!
It's all new to me! Kind of a new adventure, really.
I've spent so much time accommodating prospective partners, all disappointments. This last one really knocked the props out from under me. So much time and energy to recover. What's it worth?!!! Besides aging me beyond my years!
I'm so happy right now....waking up each day anticipating my teaching job, trying to sell my house and move to something more affordable, and free of emotional pain and self-recrimination for not being "good enough" in this last attempt at relationship. I'm tired of the scrutiny of a man who was no better than me, and in most cases, much less!
Seeker

Thanks, September!
Yeah!! Content is a new feeling, but I like it!
Seeker

Congratulations! That's great to hear. They say that before you are happy with someone else, you must first be happy with yourself. I interpret that to mean BY yourself as well.

It makes me think of this oft-quoted poem:

After a While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

(I found this at : http://www.emule.com/2poetry/phorum/read.php?7,157319,157320)

Best of Luck!

New things are nice!!

I've always loved this poem!!! My hardest lesson to learn was

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If my soul wasn't chained, I thought I wasn't loved. Now I can give and want in return only what the heart wants to give! That is was is truly sincere.

Hi Seeker,

Of course, once we settle into ourselves and start enjoying life a bit more - that's just when someone nice does come along!

I would say be open to everything, except the old patterns of course.

Cheers, M

patty, when i was first divorced, i still saw myself as someone who "needed" a man in her life. i dated a man for three years and he told me to choose between him and my photography. you know where that went. i've dated very little since then. i'd like to be in a relationship, only if it is a "relationship"....to me that means that we would both be able to "relate" to one another and appreciate our differences and our similiarities. i'd like to cook dinner for someone or go to a movie...only if i don't have to compromise my inner strength and character. i imagine it will happen, again, someday and until then, i've got the granddaughters and my beasts......and books and jewelry and photography and nature and PC. xoxo pat

What a lovely thread...it's neat how the lessons of the poem have been applied to each of our lives..God bless all of you..

Some of you may remember why and when I joined here and the extreme emotional pain I was experiencing at the failure of this last attempt at a relationship. I've received much helpful insight from many of you here. It has truly helped me. I had joined another forum prior to finding this one, where the women were just saying, "Get over it!"
The posts here have been compassionate and much more helpful. I also have worked very hard, and am now no longer in any emotional pain. That alone is a blessing and feels like a miracle.
The aftermath of all of this, for me, at 54, is little or no desire to ever venture "out there" (Seinfeld) again into the world of over-50 dating, especially via the Internet singles sites!!!! The rest of the aftermath is that I have let myself go physically, not caring how I look, gaining weight, and feeling unfeminine and unattractive (which I am at this time!).
The positive is: I'm no longer in emotional pain, no longer blaming myself, am enjoying my days at my teaching job, and finally, yes, FINALLY, looking forward to self-improvement sans a man. This time, I will lose weight, get emotionally and physically fit in order to feel healthy and happy for myself...a first.
Thanks to all of you for being here!
Seeker "Patty"

Dear, I think you are evolving into yourself, as an individual, "yourself", we woman do not have to have a partner to move forward, though dating can be fun.
There is a point of self discovery, we take time to take in all that surrounds us, filtering out the stuff we do not care for, or is non productive towards our well being.
All of this is NOT being self-centered nor is it being selfish, it is a time of transition, and doing what you wish or finding what and where you want to be is a healthy, productive venture. . .enjoy this time.
There will always be a time to form a relationship with another, till then take this time for self exploration, it is a great journey, so much you'll learn about yourself and others.
Good travels to you.

DE

(((((((((((( Seeker1950 )))))))))))))))))

Seeker,

I am so glad you are finding "yourself" without it being defined by the someone else that women seem so often to need. It is a place where I was at back in the 70's when I was in college......I had my goals, I had my future planned in my mind, I wanted my career & nothing else......well a guy came along & we have been married 30 years......but I am now filing for a divorce.......it had become just tolerating some things that I had no desire to tolerate. I truely don't think I will ever want a permanent relationship again.......I have always had guys for friends throughout the marriage.....because I worked only with men in the engineering field I was in. Friends are fine but when they want to control my life......no way!!!!!!!!!!

It is good to be happy with yourself & satisfied with what & who you are. If a relationship is good, you can have that confidence with yourself & the relationship too.....otherwise I personally don't think it is worth making yourself what someone else wants.

Be happy & love yourself,
Debbie