[Belle1979]

Okay so I foolishly went straight back onto the dating site and started chatting with different guys again.... It was a "F*** You" to Louis. I'm getting good at giving those to people who probably couldn't careless

I'm meant to have a coffee date in just over an hour. Am I am sure that I'm just not ready even though the guy sounds really nice and keen to meet me.

Do I go and keep it casual - friendly like or do I cancel as I'm still shook up by the end of Louis and I being together...

I thought I had found myself and met lou and all was good... welll it wasn't, not for him anyways.

Do I go or do I cancel? Help!!

((((belle))))

i think you should cancel. this isn't fair to you or to this guy you've just met.

[Belle1979]

Hi Bloom

I made an excuse to take a raincheck. He has been messaging me since - really does seem like a nice guy. I told him something had come up and I wasn't gong to be able to met him at 3pm...
He said well if you don't end up doing anything later, text me or we can do it later in the week when you are no so rushed.

I know that i do want to met him but my heart isn't in it - only because I was Lou back.. silly I know but it will take me while I think to get back to normal. I just want to try again with Lou and take it slowly for a change.... no pressure just fun.. SAD SAD SAD... give it up Belle as he just wasn't sure about you in the end....

[Belle1979]

The rain check lastest until today... not good I know but hey I had to force myself to do something fun and interesting.

He's a nice guy but there was no spark from my end anyway... Sweet and we talked like old friends for 2 hours.. took a walk along the beach and watched the waves.

Friendship a total possibility

[turquoisesea]

Friendship is good! Glad you got out for it =)

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Belle1979

The rain check lastest until today... not good I know but hey I had to force myself to do something fun and interesting.

He's a nice guy but there was no spark from my end anyway... Sweet and we talked like old friends for 2 hours.. took a walk along the beach and watched the waves.

Friendship a total possibility

Friendship is good. There was "no spark" for me when I met my partner. Two months later a little spark started. We've been together for 3 years.
Just a thought.

[AAAAA]

(((Belle))) If you want to be happy you MUST quit living your life in response to the men in your life! If YOU meet someone interesting and want to go out and have coffee with them, GO. Do not make these plans to prove to someone else that is most probably not even paying attention that he didn't hurt you or you are over him. It's not fair to either one of you (you and new man).

If you have any hope of being in a happy, healthy relationship, you cannot continue comparing every man you may meet to Mark and now Louis and those relationships. Until you are in a place where you are comfortable with yourself and who you are, I think you'll find yourself compromising yourself like you did with Louis to conform to what you think he wants in a partner. You'll never get to know each other with a mask on, do you know what I mean?

[Belle1979]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

(((Belle))) If you want to be happy you MUST quit living your life in response to the men in your life! If YOU meet someone interesting and want to go out and have coffee with them, GO. Do not make these plans to prove to someone else that is most probably not even paying attention that he didn't hurt you or you are over him. It's not fair to either one of you (you and new man).

If you have any hope of being in a happy, healthy relationship, you cannot continue comparing every man you may meet to Mark and now Louis and those relationships. Until you are in a place where you are comfortable with yourself and who you are, I think you'll find yourself compromising yourself like you did with Louis to conform to what you think he wants in a partner. You'll never get to know each other with a mask on, do you know what I mean?

Thanks

AAAA I don't think I did compromise myself to be what Louis wanted. I was trully myself with him - he just brought me back out of the 'box' that i had put myself into. I was back being ME, the me that I was when I was younger, the happier, more easily going me. I was confident when I was with him (okay so I had issues when he was away working but I think that is pretty normal when you only get to see your partner every 4 weeks!)

I didn't compare him to Mark - not in any way that was bad anyway. The only time I ever did that was when I thanked him for coming to my freidns house with me for a visit... He looked at me weird and said, why thank me? I answered that mark didn't go anywhere or do anything social and that I liked that he had come with me.

I wasn't comparing the new guy to him. Just mentioned that I wanted the 'spark' and longing to chat for hours that I had with Lou when we first met in person... that night could have lasted into the wee hours or the morning if we had let it.

I didn't go out with the guy just to show anyone anything.. if that was the case I would have plastered it all over FB. I went because it was a nice sunny day and I wanted to get out of the house and stop dwelling all of the time.

But maybe everything I have written here is crap. Maybe I am trying to convince myself of something and you are all seeing the truth in what I write. I just don't know. I only can write how I feel. I don't think much before or during what I post.. I just go with what ever comes into my head and let it speak here.

I have a T appointment and I feel that by going I am moving backwards.. HATE that. I am off the anti-depressants and I was HAPPY for proably the first REAL time in years.

[REINE D AMOUR]

i am glad that you are fine and you are able to relate to some one else it is a good sign .

[Belle1979]

Thanks Reine. I don;t have any trouble relating and getting out there once I force myself to do it
He has asked me on another date... I have told him nicely that I can only see him as a friend and nothing more.. will see what he really thinks of that when he replies I guess.
I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off again and keep moving forward.

It really is just dreams and looking forward to a future that I am now missing... Louis gave me ideas and plans. Doesn't mean that I can't still do them all on my own I guess. Travelling still is up there on the cards for me - just don't like to go alone for the very first time overseas.. but the only friends that want to come are male and that feels wierd.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((Belle))))))))

It's early days, you were more into that relationship than he was. We don't think he wanted anything but fun and there are so many guys out there like that. But we know you won't let that hold you back.

When you feel ready and not before, that is the time to step back into the water.

We're a little upset with Lou because he said he would take as long as it needed and would do what ever he could to help you to feel safe and ok. He led you to believe that there was a future there and so it is quite normal to need to take some time out.

You can't switch your feelings off just like that, please give your self some time to work your way through it and heal some,

Loving thoughts and hugs,

Rhiannon

[Belle1979]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

((((((((Belle))))))))

It's early days, you were more into that relationship than he was. We don't think he wanted anything but fun and there are so many guys out there like that. But we know you won't let that hold you back.

When you feel ready and not before, that is the time to step back into the water.

We're a little upset with Lou because he said he would take as long as it needed and would do what ever he could to help you to feel safe and ok. He led you to believe that there was a future there and so it is quite normal to need to take some time out.

You can't switch your feelings off just like that, please give your self some time to work your way through it and heal some,

Loving thoughts and hugs,

Rhiannon

thanks Rhian

Thats the weird thing, he was the one that said and did all the things to look towards the future... I mean planning holidays for next July?? Saying to me that he was "my property and than I owned him now", telling me that if I had issues with the house to wait until he comes back as we were a 'couple' and that meant he wanted to be able to help out... and all the other little loving stuff...The list goes on and on.. what he wrote and said was SO nice.
You guys all know it, I wrote about alot of it here.
Okay were they red flags? Possibly but I really didn't see it that way - I thought WOW I have finally met the one.. one that wants the same things as me and I don't have to compromise (other than the sex thing that is!).
He sounded so serious!!
Things like this;
Morning baby, Well i am in a great mood today, woke up with you on my mind, and i dont have to work in the kitchen anymore "Wooooooo Hooooooo" Well I hope you have a great day and I will be back online throughout the day so I will speak to you soon.
Mwa Mwa Mwa.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Miss Ya

Thought I would drop u a quick line before i head to sleep, You have seriously been on my mind all day, I really cant wait to see you again,Really lookin to spending as much time as possible with you, i wish that i could be seeing you after work today, but i guess it's only 19 days till i can.
I hope you had a decent nights sleep last night you sounded really buggered when i was speaking to you earlier, but that expected after what you went through.
Ok well if i keep rambleing on i will never get to bed.
I'm looking forward to talkin to you in the morn.
Miss you lots babe, Mwa Mwa Mwa.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So perhaps he just "scared himself off" ??

I just don't know.

So Rhian.. I'm guessing your vote is to not send the email either...
Hmmm well that's 3!!