[Marmelade]

For all appeareances I come across as a good natured and cheerful person, who joins in the banter and regularly has a smile on my face. However, this is often not how I feel inside - upset, anxious, stressed, depressed, frustrated and sometimes angry.

I really struggle to communicate how I am feeling emotionally to others. It's like I walk around with a mask on whenever I am with other people, and am never my true self. I guess it all started as a defence mechanism so that people didn't know I had mental issues, especially in the workplace. But now I feel it impacts on my relationships as I find it hard to get close to people and I also find it hard standing up for myself in challenging situations.

I don't want to be walked over anymore, but I don't know how to change myself and don't want to alienate the couple of close relationships I do have.

[Belle1979]

I think you have taken the first step by writing here what you want your life to be. Is counselling an option?

[FeelingHopeful]

Marmelade , Coming here I hope helps you, This place is really wonderful and very supportive , Everyone is very caring. Do You Talk to a Therapist?

[Marmelade]

I have had counselling before, but on the NHS you only get a limited number of sessions then you have to go private. Unfortunately, I can't afford the rates for going private, and I think I would need to go for quite a while for it to be beneficial.

This forum helps in that I can air things that I feel I can't discuss with my husband and don't want to really burden him.