[Harlequin]

I am new to this forum and came to it because of severe depression due to my divorce from my husband 10 months ago. My ex-husband was diagnosed with NPD, and the therapist literally told me, there is no cure, no medicine, no amount of therapy that would change him. Prior to meeting him, I was a happy, healthy, confident person who loved to laugh and felt safe and at peace in my life and my home. It was a short marriage, he caught me a couple months after I had come out of a 14 year abusive marriage...I had won a lot of money in my divorce, owned my own home, my cars outright. He rode in like "knight on a white horse" and I truly thought God had rewarded me with this loving, caring man as a gift for what I had gone though in my last marriage. Well, about 2 months into the relationship I started seeing things about him that I wrote off but, really should have seen as red flags. This man never took responsibility for any of his actions, it was always someone else's fault. Nothing I did was ever "right" in his eyes, he had nothing and no money but loved to make me feel like all that I had was so beneath him. His cars were better than mine, he would point out all the women looking at him to me (which they were, he was great looking), he threw my boys out of my house, hated my animals, told me I was spending my money wrong (supporting him was okay I guess), he never wanted to hear about anything that had to do with me, he did love to talk about himself and laugh at the sarcastic comments he'd make, he said he was "black and white" and demanded I see life only his way as my way was wrong. I walked on eggshells in my own home, I became nervous and scared of upsetting him,he was obsessed with porn and as time went on I found that most everything he had told me (even something from our first date) was a lie and when I would confront him, with actual physical proof of his lies he would turn it on me, blaming me for "not trusting him", for listening to others, for making things up....never an answer, an apology...simply blame. After while you begin to feel crazy because Narcissists like to keep things "off balance", the more insecure they make you the better THEY feel. They love to turn your life upside down and then complain that it's YOU who is out of control. They will sulk and become depressed when you show ANY personal strength, they only rise up when they are in the spot-light, most often at your expense. It was when we went to see a marriage counselor and after a few weeks, the therapist spoke to me alone and said he'd been seeing my husband without me for quite awhile (another lie) where he simply sat for the hour complaining about me, never an attempt to acknowledge the therapist when he would tell my husband it was HE who was in the wrong, not me. The therapist had diagnosed him as having severe NPD. The therapist called me in by myself and told me to make sure my finances were secure and protected from my husband, that my husband had chosen him as a therapist because he "thought" the therapist would agree with him that our problems were all my fault. He told me, "run, don't walk" away from this man and do not look back! I didn't listen soon enough because by the time I finally kicked him out of my house, he'd stolen $500,000 fom me, would stalk me until I "took him back", this cycle went on for many months until he had isolated me from friends and family and, seeing no way out, me being in love with the facade he had reeled me in with, knowing there was no way I would be free of the "situation", I tried to kill myself. It was my only option at that time. But he saved me (luckily) in many ways. I gathered the strength, filed for divorce, blocked his IP address, blocked his number from my cell and home phone. My divorce was final last November 30th and shortly after, he moved, with my money, to Aruba to live the life he wanted. It's been almost a year and I am still in really bad shape emotionally and financially. I struggle each day to make sense of what has become my life and the pain of knowing I was duped and taken advantage of by a man I fell so deeply in love with is a huge pill to swallow. Some Narcissists drain their "prey" until depleted and move on with no conscious and no feelings of remorse. Why would they feel that, because they don't have compassion for others, they can't see other's pain but their own. They are NOT the one at fault....ever.
Sorry my message has gone on forever and I thank you for reading it. Be careful with NPD, it will suck you in and spit you out.....and somehow, you disappear and it takes every ounce of your being to remember just who you were.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((Harlequin))))

Knowing how you feel I have a female parent like that though I don't see or speak to her now

Wishing you luck

Hello, Harlequin. So sorry this happened. Be kind to yourself.

[steffi01]

i feel for u. i am so glad it is over with this guy. now take care of u . i have a feeling that u r strong n will pull through just fine . we r here for u .

[sundog]

Hi Harlequin. Welcome. I am so sorry this happened to you. But so very glad you are now rid of this individual. You've come to a great website and I really hope we can offer you some support