Tough questions

What really is considered cheating? Who would have guessed a small word could be so hard to describe?

For me there are two forms of cheating;
Emotionally and physically...

Creating an emotional bond with someone other than your partner.. discussing all of your life, worries, hopes, dreams and not talking to your partner anymore about thses things.

Physically - self explanatory I think
Anything from a kiss onwards...

So what if the emotional bond was there before you got with your partner? Is it really cheating if that bond has not completely went away? I understand the physical one is the emotional one I'm not sure of.

I think that if the emotional bond was there before you had a partner then it's more of a life long friendship than 'cheating'.
I have friends that I tell EVERYTHING to.. and one of them is an ex partner. Doesn't mean that I want anything more from this person than just to be there for me when I need (and vise a versa for him).
I don't think that the bond can just go away when you get into a replationship. Why should it either? Emotionally connections with people a hard to come by.

Is it that you think you are cheating or does your partner consider this bond you have with another cheating?

Well, it depends on what sort of emotional bond is. If, like the poster above me said, it is a "lifelong friend" type of bond then no that wouldn't be cheating. However, if it's that you or the other person wants it to be more than just a friend type of bond then yes I would consider that more. When it comes to opposite sex friendships it's a very thin line from just being a friend to being something more, in my opinion. If it is just a friendly thing and it's been there all that time then your partner should understand that.

Cheating is anything that, if the situation were switched, you would be upset over. I would be much more upset if my boyfriend had a very close emotional bond with another woman. I was actually getting very jealous of this girl friend he has been friends with for over a decade. I knew that they weren't sleeping together and never even thought about that. But what actually hurt was their little inside jokes and all this stuff they knew about each other, no matter how harmless. Yet, I have been cheated on and it was purely physical, and that didn't hurt as bad.

I guess it's easier to write a guy off as a dog when he just physically cheats but to know he actually really truly cares for another woman on an intimate level....that's pretty tough.

I feel bad because I had and still have such a strong emotional bond to my ex boyfriend. While I would rather just be friends so I can still have communication with him and not be guilty of anything he wants more and even though I love my husband it takes all I can do to tell my ex boyfriend no and its driving me crazy.

If you value your marriage my suggestion would be to cut ties with the ex.
The emotional bond that you feel towards him will lessen with time and space. If your ex respected you then they wouldn't be putting you in this situation in the first place.
All just my opinion of course.

I agree with Belle. A long time friend either male of female would not be a concern. When that turns to flirting or emotional ties that should be reserved for your partner then you should probably distance yourself. These feeling may or may not be inappropriate but I'm sure you partner would not appreciate it. Put yourself in his spot and try to picture how you would feel.

The fact that you have posted this question tells me you already feel regret.

Wishing you the very best

How different things are today. To go back in time you would not recognise men as having any morals at all or many women for that matter

In war or on conquering marches it was well known that men would take whatever wench presented themselves to the them. But they never allowed another womans mouth to touch theirs, their lips were for their beloved; women were known to die attempting to kiss the one they were with and this was a an all encompassing law which every army knew. You did not kiss a woman unless you loved or was growing affection for her and if your man returned but did not kiss you on the mouth then it was respect they were paying you & also the message that they had found another brought back with them under such circumstances. But all women who were behind while their men went off knew the men would be free with their seed

The act of coupling was seen merely as a physical release and not seen as a betrayal until the christian church demanded that unlike savages men and women were to keep only to one. It was in turn however a good thing because it reduced many diseases that had the most painful treatments, such as the use of leech or fleas or maggots introduced to canker sores or to the sores of other diseases (it was thought that the physicians who were trained by the physicians of the Kings of the East were inducing punishment with the treatment), medicine was quite different then

But as told most things was different then & bares no resemblance to todays world and todays way of life. However today as back then it was the emotion carrying most importance because it was attached to the heart and it was rare done that the heart was betrayed. There were then too however those who used their beauty and charm over women and left a trail of broken hearts behind them and these be man or woman they were just people who did not care. Please think with care about what this one wishes from you, or if it is just to convince himeself that he is stil beautious enough to win your heart once again; there must be reason he did not make it to now with you, or he would have been your betrothed and not the one you are wed to

Morgana

I took care of it after talking to it he reminded me why I broke up with him to begin with.

Well done scooter I hope that the current relationship is better for the decision that you made x

I feel it is thanks to everyone for all the support and helpful advise.