[ThePainNeverDies]

As some of you may well remember, I didn't used to have an awful lot of respect for myself. In fact, I pretty much despised myself and let others treat me as badly as they wanted to. You may also remember the abusive relationship I had with Connor and how many times I came here asking for advice, support, guidance on what I should do about it. Whether I should speak out, whether I deserved to be helped with it, or whether I should just keep my mouth shut because I did deserve it and get on with things.

Six months later, I was six months without him, happier and starting to move on with my life and finally(!) do the things he'd held me back from.

Seven months later and I have been in a new relationship for a month. I doubted whether I would be able to fall in love ever again, or even this quickly and I most certainly thought "hell no!" to ever trusting a Man again.

But this Man is of a different kind. Y'know, the type that every Woman wants. The kind who dotes on me, tells me everyday, a hundred times a day how much he loves me, calls me everyday and makes me smile, loves to treat me even when I say I want to treat him (hehe).

There are so many great things about him, it'd take me forever and a million days to tell you. But the one thing I know about him is that I am deeply, truly in love with him like nothing I have ever felt before.

Maybe you're sat here reading this thinking 'here she goes again...!' But I've learned from my mistakes and I sure as hell know what love isn't! Before now, I never really knew what it was. But now I know more than ever, a hundred, thousand, million percent what love really IS!!!!

The day I first saw him when I met him at the train station, I wore my favourite black floral dress and for the first time in a long time, I felt beautiful. I was shaking with excitement. It was so thrilling. I told him which platform he would be coming off the train onto and I waited at the foot of the stairs leading to the platform we needed to get the train home from.

He was behind a crowd of people and spotted me first but just as I looked up and caught his sparkling, captivating smile, my knees buckled and I feared that I would collapse under the sheer weight of love bursting out for him. (Cheesy huh?!?!)Seriously, that is NO exaggeration whatsoever. Almost literally I fell head over heels in love with an angel

Anyway, he came towards me, arms outstretched and I practically staggered into his arms and completely melted. My smile was HUGE. It still is!!!

Anyway, we got onto the train and I kept hiding every time he looked at me. He says he couldn't stop admiring my beauty it was a lovely journey home and I just did not stop smiling. So, along the way home we chatted about stuff and I told him a bit about Connor and the way he treated me and we generally talked about bad experiences and how they had helped us to grow.

Surprisingly, I had a little sob about my Dad and Foster Dad. This was after he asked me to be in a relationship with him. I opened my heart to him a little and it was such a huge relief.

He's so understanding, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, kind, awfully handsome!!!! And just generally a dream come true. I couldn't have imagined myself being with anyone as amazing and perfect to me as him.

So, a month and (almost) a week into the relationship, we're still flourishing and he's been and is still being, very encouraging and supportive. No matter whether I'm in a good mood or a bad mood, he always knows what to say to make my whole body warm up and fill with love, warmth and fuzziness he's helped me with some pretty difficult stuff already and he's helped me immensely with my disordered eating crap. He probably doesn't even know how much he helps just by saying that he has faith in me and believes that I can do anything I put my heart into. That's been an affirmation and a half!

It's amazing how the week before I met him, I was in hospital after yet another overdose. One that I hardly remember. It will have been 6 weeks on Saturday since the last SH/Suicide attempt and that was my last target, so this time it's been 8 weeks. It's not been the easiest of tasks, but it has been made easier by things clicking into place and by having such a supportive and inspiring, loving Man in my life.

2 weeks after quitting my job, I got a new job and am now modeling too, like I'd always wanted to do but got held back from doing by my ex. I'm starting to look into doing some speeches and such in schools about self harm/suicide and depression etc in general. I'm moving away from here soon so that I can start afresh and feel even better than ever. I get so frustrated with myself when I think about things and start to doubt myself and think 'I'm never gonna do it. I'm never gonna leave this behind and move on' Being honest with myself, I'm a fool for thinking that. The week leading up to David and I meeting proved that I can do it. I decided of my own accord that I'm going to improve things and David is all the more reason to improve things. It's not just for him though, it's for me too. I deserve it and I know that. I've worked so hard to make things better for myself and it WILL pay off and has already started to. I've come pretty far already. Ok, maybe not as far as I want to be but I need to stop being so impatient with myself and do things one at a time!!!

Uhhh yeah. I'm a very happy, bouncy, lucky Lady. I am becoming myself again and to look back at pictures of myself or just to think about how I was 2 months ago, there is a huge difference and I'm really proud of what I've done so far.

BUT. The most important thing is that I'm happy. I've let myself be happy and I've let myself trust the right person and fall in love I just wanted to kinda share how much things have improved... I love David so, so much and now, I couldn't imagine a day without him. He is the brightest star shining in my sky and he is the beat of my heart when I need it most. He's that glint and sparkle in my eye and the warmth of my smile. He is THE most important and amazing person in my life and always will be.

Thanks everyone for being here and being so supportive and encouraging. It's been invaluable. I'm still gonna come visit you guys though! I'm not goin' anywhere

Love and all round!

Thanks for sharing, ThePainNeverDies. I wish you well.

[bridgie]

keep doing good for yourself.

[ThePainNeverDies]

Thank you I was really quite down last night and just needed a boost to help me out a little. It helped!

[Perna]

As wonderful as another person who loves us is (and I'm sorry but I have THE most wonderful man :-) don't quit working with yourself; you have to stand on your own feet, can't stand on someone else's. Another can "help" but not solve our problems for us, we have to do that.

[ThePainNeverDies]

Oh I'm still working on myself, don't worry about that he just makes it a whole lot easier by encouraging me. Hee.

Oh dear, not a "I have THE best man in the world" competition? :P

I have had such a fab day today, I threw my doubts out of the window and my nerves and let my confidence take over. The result? A FANTASTIC photo shoot!