[CareBear75]

Hello Everyone,
Thanks for reading my post. I'll try to keep it to the point.
Bottom line is that I live with (and financially support) my mother who is Bipolar. She is on meds and goes to therapy occasionally. She seems to be fairly stable right now, but this past summer she had a really rough spot. My brother got married and the stress of that (since she did not approve of his wife) and her decision to discontinue one of her medications put her into a Mixed Manic state. She told anyone who would listen very bad things about my sister-in-law and acted in such a manner that she was barred from the wedding. All this time we tried getting her help but it is difficult when she is in this type of state to say the least.

The result of the summers events are that now my brother will not speak to her. Also, my boyfriend moved out, which although it sucks for me, I do understand, and is beside the point I'm trying to get at.

My mom is getting increasingly depressed that he won't talk to her. He understands she has an illness but there is a limit to what he will tolerate and she surpassed his limit this summer.

I can't force him to talk to her. I don't blame him in light of her words and actions. This is a terrible thing for me as well. I hope that he will speak to her, but she isn't doing very much to remedy the cause of the issue, which is, to me, her inability to acknowledge my brother's choice as a valid one.

So what would be the best thing to do? I feel she needs more constructive therapy, but I also feel that if she won't accept there is a problem with her communication and manner towards others she won't improve.

Is there even anything I can do? I'm worried that she will slip into a depressive state if things don't change. She has attempted suicide before, so naturally I have my eyes and ears open for any signs.

[sunrise]

It might take your brother to set some doable boundaries for her. That your mother wants a relationship with him could be a very powerful motivator for her to improve her behavior. Perhaps he can clearly state some guidelines under which they can have contact. For example, he will not have contact with her if she is rude to his wife, gossips about her to others, etc. If the choice is not being polite to his wife and not having a relationship with her son, hopefully she will make the right choice.

Of course, CareBear, you would need to convince your brother this is a good route to go. It may take him a while to get over being angry at her for being so mean to his wife. A sincere apology from your mother to him and his wife as well as a promise of future civil and adult behavior might be a start...

Good luck.

[CareBear75]

Thanks so much for your good advice. Maybe if my brother clearly states his boundaries, there will be no doubt as to what is acceptable and what is not.

I'll definitely keep this in mind when I see him later today.
Thanks again!