[inthedark666]

my girl and i have been together for 9 months now weve dated in the past before for an accumulated 4 years but this is the longest weve actually stayed together.i recently had to move away from her so weve been in a long distance relationship shes says she loves me nd that she will wait for me but i worry if shes lying nd cheating behind my back her ex goes to school with her nd he recently tried to talking to her. she said that she ignored him and walked away but how can i be sure

[Perna]

You can't be sure, inthedark, you have to decide whether you want to trust your girl and see how it goes or assume something bad is going to happen and break up with her. If you decide to trust her, you have to do it all the way, assume she will stay in relationship with you and not lie or cheat. If she does, then you will break up with her but why assume the bad (that she IS lying and cheating) first? There are only so many ways the situation can go (she is lying and cheating and (1) you learn of it (2) you don't learn of it (3) you learn of it later or she is/does not lie and cheat but (4) you accuse her of doing so or (5) you trust her). Only five is what you want and the only way you can get that is to start from there and skip the rest until who she is and what she does becomes obvious and either rewards your trust or hurts you.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

What makes you worry about lying and cheating? That comes from somewhere for you to be thinking of it so much. If your relationship has broken down consistently over the last 4 years there is something there which is a causator. If the causator has been trust or lack of it then what is there to the relationship?

Trust is usually only a causative factor if it has been broken one or more times. I urge to you think carefully about the reasons you feel the way you do and be honest with her about your feelings. Honesty is a good place to start a decent relationship.