How to Sort Out Feelings After A Break-Up?

Hi guys,

I'm new here. I recently had my heart broken by my girlfriend of nine months. It wasn't a hostile break-up but it was heart wrenching for me. After nine months of feeling loved and needed, I suddenly feel like my love was good for nothing. After nine months of feeling like I had a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend and feeling like we could talk to each other about anything, she breaks up with me telling me that she felt like she couldn't talk to me because I would get upset if she told me I was too needy. While it's true that I may have been a little bit needy, I was under the impression that she liked the attention and she never gave me any signs otherwise. I also did not "smother" her 24-7. I would want to text her a lot and see her a couple times a day but considering we go to the same college I feel that was reasonable. I just feel like I was hung out to dry and not given any chance to change my "suffocating" ways. I feel gypped physically, emotionally, and mentally. I feel like she got her closure by letting me know how she really felt after a few weeks of unhappiness and I just got rejected by someone I loved deeply. It's been a couple weeks and I'm getting better every day but I still feel confused. Does anybody have any insight on this?

Thanks!

Hi - I'm sorry you were hurt. But you've said a couple of things that give me a clue.

You said you didn't "smother" her alot - which means you DID smother her, just not alot. Well, obviously she doesn't like to be smothered AT ALL. Then you said you texted her alot. That can be very annoying - and she probably felt like you were checking up on her. No one wants to feel like that. My ex used to check up on me ALL the time - even if I said I was going to my mothers, he would call me there with some stupid excuse for calling. That infuriated me!!!

Maybe you don't need space, but most people do. Most people want to have some time to themselves to do whatever it is they want to do, without being texted, called, or whatever. And especially NO smothering!!

I'm glad you're starting to feel better. No point in sitting home moping about it. Get back out there and find someone new. There's someone out there for you - I'm sure of it. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

Welcome to the Community, pm13zwos.

http://helpguide.org/mental/coping_d...ip_breakup.htm

Thank you, Lee, this was very helpful! I know I did not give her enough space as she would have liked but just the fact that she never told me about her troubles with me BEFORE the break-up is hard to deal with. I thought we had an open and honest relationship and I feel like as I was growing in love for her every day she was growing more and more out of love with me and never gave me a sign. But I guess heartbreak is inevitable in anyone's life! Thanks a lot!

- Pat

I just feel someone should say, the fact you werent told the truth until it was too late, isn't your fault in my opinion. When you think about it, how can you do something, about something you know nothing about? I've had some personal experence of this, and if your not told, you think nothings up, of course its going to be bad if your told about it when its way too late to resolve it.

That said, she may have been afraid of being honest when it began as a problem for her. As such choosing, that not telling you was the lesser of two problems. However, sometimes honesty truly is the best policy. I know if I was told that my an element of my behavior was causing an issue early on, I would be upset yes, but at least I'd be work together with them to improve things. Commuication is so important.

I'm sorry you've had to go through that. Hopefully you can just take what you've learnt and eventually, come out the other side able to be a better partner in the future. Sorry if I've gone on a bit, just a subject that struck a cord with me.

I have read letters with interest, as I am in process of splitting up, well have really been living a separate life from my Husband for a few years now in the same house!! Very dificult, he has been diagnosed with a behavior problem many years ago & I have struggled to carry on life with him for along while, what ever I do is wrong, saying the wrong thing in the wrong voice or attitude will set his temper off,or the sulks etc etc.But when I have tackled him & tried to divorce him then its all turned on to me that its my fault etc etc. he's torn up the papers for divorce pleaded with me that he'll change so many times & now I am at the end of my tether I cant live like thsi any more, as they say walking on egg shells is awaful but thats all I have ever known.Away from him I am another person, my normal happy self & hate coming back to the house& always there is him as he never goes out, well only infrequently.I am so in despair, but certainly not depressed either, just worried about what is ahead of me. Baring he is 10 years older than me & I married him when I was 18...

Thank you so much, hearing this made me feel a lot better!

Hello pm,

Welcome to pc. Have to agree with everything leed has said. You knew you were smothering her and wanting to see her twice a day didn't really give her time to do anything else; also texting her constantly (many times a day), is going to drive her mad. She didn't say anything because she felt she couldn't talk to you.

But it's time to move on and leave this behind, while keeping the wisdom of what you learned "drop the needy and the attributes which caused this relationship to fold".

I wish you the very best for the future and hope that you meet the right one for you soon.