[UCLAFan]

since i was very young i was verbally and physically abused.the verbal abuse has afftected me more then the physically abuse.i'm 40 years old and have self confidence issues,self esteem issues and trust issues.i grew up with a mother who called me stupid,retarded,fat,ugly,no guy will want you etc.plus my older sister was a beauty queen and she called me fat,ugly and stupid.when i was a teenager i weight like 120 pounds and i thought i was fat and ugly because my family told me so.at times i worry about what people think of me.mostly i just care what people think of me if i like the person.i use to care what my family thinks.but to be honest i do not care any more what they think because i know i will never make them happy.i wish i still weighed 120 pounds.i looked decent when i was a teenager but at the time i did not realize it.i realized it when i got older and was looking back old pictures from highshool.people all the time tell me i look young for my age.but at times i think people just say that to be nice.i have family members still to this day vebal abuse me.i do not have much to do with them.mostly i only see my family during holidays. at times i feel ok about myself but if i'm around family,unfriendly people or people that remind of my family i start to feel like crap.right now i'm reading a book called will i ever be good enough? healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers.so far i can really relate to this book.my best friend of 25 years told me about the book.for along time even my few close friends did not know about my family problems.when my close friends asked me about my family i'd try and ignore the subject.also i cared to much what my family thought growing up. back then i was not like i am today.meaning these days i'm the real me.i think i started changing when i moved out on my own in 1989.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. You are SO right - verbal abuse like that DOES affect people very much!! My parents didn't say ANYTHING to me - no love, no pats on the back, no hugs - we were just 'there' like a piece of furniture. So ignoring a child can have dire effects on the self-esteem too.

I was married to a man who verbally abused me for 26 years. He had me so beaten down that my self-worth was zero. Like you, he told me that no one else would want me. He called me horrible names. Finally after 26 years, I got a divorce - and then he was so mad I thought he'd kill me!

Now I've built my self-esteem back to where I respect myself - it took therapy to do it, and I'm glad I went. Maybe therapy would help you too. This can hurt for a long time if you don't get it taken care of.

I wish you the best of luck and I'll pray for you. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[UCLAFan]

i use to go to threapy but the state i live in no longer pays for it.because of my self esteem issues i'd let people walk over me.but these days i do not let people walk all over.been called bad names a few times when i told people how i felt.every day is a struggle for me.

[lizardlady]

UCLAfan, you might find PAtricia Evans' two books on verbal abuse helpful.

I used to attend a support group for women in abusive relationships. Every last woman said it took longer to heal from the verbal abuse than the physical.

[Fairylover]

Verbal abuse is so damaging, it robs you of so much self esteem, my husband has done that to me since we married along with smashing possessions in fact anything he could his hands on,when in a temper, Luckily I have built up myself esteem out of the house, socializing & work, all my children witnessed this & they got all their love from me, but none are unscathed...I too will be free of him soon...