[sayimsorry]

I need help....I have been married for 27 years. The past 2 years I have been Divorced...On October 7 we were remarried..thats a good thing...here is the problem...During the two years we were div. I messed up my relationship with my family as well as my inlaws...who now are outlaws..they hate the very site of me....I made a alful mistake and I am having to deal with the results of my actions...My inlaws wont even speak to me and will not allow me to be around them....I need to say I am sorry for the alful things I have put them through... and ask for forgiveness. I accept full responsibility for my actions...I just would like to write them a letter telling them how sorry I am for all the pain I have put them through...My heart is in the right place but I am strugling to find words to experss to them and make them feel that I am truly sorry...
CAN ANY ONE OUT THERE HELP ME, find the right words to say..I am sorry and please forgive me .....I am a christian and this is killing me

[bptoo]

sayimsorry,

I moved your post from the other one to a thread of it's own. Hopefully, this way it will get more attention and responses to it.

I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you. But what comes to my mind is that if you feel that you've wronged your inlaws, and you apologize and make amends for whatevr it is you've done, then that's all you can do. It becomes up to them to decide when and if they are going to forgive you and accept you back as part of the family. But it's still important for you that you know that you did the right thing in trying. And when you do figure out what to say, if it's honest and comes from your heart, then you can't go wrong.

I believe you're new to the forums, so welcome, and I'm very glad you found us. I know you will find a lot of warm and caring people here.

All my best to you,
bptoo

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to work."

[Sam]

Hi saiimsorry and welcome to a wonderful forum. bptoo is correct in saying there are lots of caring people here.

As to your question - I'm not sure if anyone can tell you per say what you should say or do that would improve relationships with your family, but I agre again with bptoo that all you can do is to let them know you are sorry and wish for their forgiveness.

I've always heard it said that love and hate are closely related and I agree. It seems to me, that one can't do either unless there is feeling there.

I think there are only three things you can do:

One - is to write them a ltter of apology and ask them for their forgiveness. I would make several drafts of this letter before sending it off to them - that way, it stands a better chance of being received in the light you wish it to be.

Second - treat your soullmate and everyone else in such a maner that they will have no choice but to see the truth of who the real you really is.

Third - and I believe this to be the most important thing - is to fully embrace your soulmate and love that person with all that is within you - for that person is the most important thing in your life.

Your friend Sam (who sends you his best)

Anyone can say I love you, but actions speak louder than words.

[inkblot]

I can best offer you my hopes that everything works out. My best thought on your situation is that you have a good start on what to say already! You said some things about how you feel, now expand on all of that in a looooooooooooooooooooooooong letter to your inlaws. Don't worry if it ends up being 3 or 4 pages. I think that as long as it comes from the heart is what matters here. Be honest and respectful. When I do something like this, I always edit and re-edit and edit some more. Perhaps it's overkill on my part, but like you I will want it to say exactly what I feel. I don't think it's possible to put our emotions on to paper, to make another understand so perfectly how we feel. Whatever you write may never be just the right words, but don't underestimate yourself. I believe from reading your post that you already have what it takes to pick up that pen--you just haven't realized it yet.

Hope this helps!!!

[geekgirl]

sayimsorry....

You're absolutely doing the right things. Remember too it will take time for the "outlaws" to believe that you are sincere. Be consistent and honest... and over time you'll combat the resistance. Words alone won't woo them over.

Write the letter and back it up with your actions. You will find the words. They don't have to be many or fancy. Just your honest thoughts. Keep it simple and short so you can find it easy to back up with your actions.

[heidu]

Welcome to the forums. Writing a letter to them is a good idea because then you can say what you want and need to say and then they have time to think it over before responding.

They may not respond and it may take time for them to forgive and forget. All you can do is give them a sincere apology from your heart and the rest is up to them.

It's tough but I am hoping you have the love and support of your spouse and that should show your inlaws a great deal.

Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[ltlredvett]

I am sorry for the predicament that you are in right now. It's an interesting study in human behavior. On the one hand most people would profess to be forgiving. They would understand that people make mistakes and they would want to be forgiven themselves for the mistakes they have made. However, when it happens to them it seems to be a whole different story. They focus on your failings and mistakes and judge you based upon those mistakes and not upon the entire you.

This situation will take time to heal. All you can do is do your best. They need to rebuild their trust in you and if you show them that you are working on rebuilding that trust it will come with time.

Good luck to you.

[sayimsorry]

Thanks to all who responded...It brings tears to my eyes...I can really feel the caring....I am really having a hard time with this issue...My inlaws HATE ME they have threateden to have me locked up if I go around them...which I dont...They say things that are very hateful...I am a very caring person who would give the shirt off my back to help someone...but the father inlaw really hates ...what happend to me is that I Divorced their son after years of marriage and left grown children behind...moved away from the town which I grew up in...just abandoned every one...my church family my family...I left everything behind......

[ltlredvett]

How was your relationship with your in-laws before your divorce? How would you have characterized them before the divorce? Were they kind to you? Were tehy caring?

I have found that when some people are hurt or betrayed the worst in them comes out. They are great if everything is going well, but scorn them and they can retaliate like a cornered tiger.

I wouldn't beat myself up over it. Sounds like you are being pretty hard on yourself. Your in-laws are seeing the "glass as half empty instead of half full." It takes a big person to be able to forgive and be understanding under dire circumstnaces. Not too many people have that ability, or so I am learning.

Don't be hard on yourself. You did the right thing. Follow your heart. Hopefully time will heal. I wish you well.

[heidu]

In laws are family and I am sure it is hard to not have thier love and acceptance right now. You made a choice, did what you had to do and maybe (I don't know the whole story) it was a mistake but I bet you learned something along the way.

The most important thing is the relationship between you and your husband. If he has forgiven you and you have found a way together to work thru the difficulties of the past then it isn't your in laws place to judge you. This is between you and your husband. They have loyalty to your husband, thier son, which is normal. They also need to realize that that thier son has made a choice to have you back in his life and they shouldn't interfere or try to make things worse.

All you can do is apologize and live your life the way you and your husband feel is right. They have the option of forgiving and forgetting or holding a grudge.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Hugs,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[Peanut61]

You've gotten some great replies here, so let me just add my WELCOME to you for coming to the forum, and I hope you keep coming. Best regards.

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>