[redpoppies]

Hi everyone! Thanks in advance for reading and replying. I am a lady in my late twenties (thirty is knocking on my door!). I've been with my boyfriend for nearly eight months. We met on a Friday and were instantly inseparable, spending all of our free time together. He travels for work and is currently gone (out of the country) for a few months. The week before he left, I went to lunch with a girlfriend... and he walked up. Turns out he was also having lunch with a girl friend. I didn't know she existed. They finished their lunch, left, and he came back to chat for a minute. He said she wanted to get the lowdown on his best friend because she has a crush on him. There have been a few times where I have wondered about his commitment to me. I have never caught him cheating, I have never been given a real reason to freak out (early on I found out his online dating profile hadn't been removed yet, he didn't accept my Facebook friend request... but nothing blatantly obvious). But now that he is gone, I can't help but start to worry. Because he is overseas, communication is more of a challenge (for some reason his internet hook-up situation isn't resolved yet and he doesn't have a low cost way of calling).

My last boyfriend let me know I was completely replaceable. Otherwise, I have no history of abandonment... my parents are still married, were present, loved me, etc.

Do I have a reason to freak out, or am I letting my past issues get in the way? When he is here and we're together, I feel FABULOUS. I might even admit to feeling the L word

Of course I would TALK to him about this, but he hasn't replied to texts/emails. I last talked to him on the phone a week ago... but he can not call often.

Thanks, friends!

[cutebagaddict08]

Do you know any of his friends, were you could casually find out if he has called or talked to them while he's been away?
It's hard to say on his behavior, it is a little weird he wouldn't 'friend' you on facebook, unless he doesn't go on barely, and hasn't realized you requested him. He could be thinking he is keeping his options open by not deleting his dating page, but then that also is not fair to you. It sounds,from your post, that you want and feel this is a commited relationship, and by how you say he is acting he may be still keeping his options open. I'd see if he's talked to anyone else while he's out of town, if so, and he hasn't bothered calling you;then it is probally time for you to move on, so you don't end up getting more hurt in the end.

[RomanSunburn]

I'm just a little curious as to where he is exactly. It sounds like he isn't in a high tech world right now, which could easily explain the lack of communication. If he is in a more westernized area with internet cafes, libraries, etc, then I also am having trouble with the lack of communication... Also, when did he get to where he is?

I have been in a long distance relationship myself, so I completely understand the sudden fears that seem to creep into your head when you're far away and communication is slim. Granted, I never went a week without hearing from him (he was in Germany for a few months, but usually just in another part of the US, so plenty of access to internet).

Maybe he is simply not one who uses computers a lot. Maybe that explains his lack of communication, leaving his dating profile up, and not friending you on facebook -- he simply never goes on the computer for personal reasons.

It sounds like you are happy with him, so I would try not to go looking for trouble. Go with your gut, and if something feels REALLY off, then perhaps re-evaluate things. But don't go looking for trouble if you are generally happy. Try to be patient while he gets settled and see if this whole communication issue clears up.

Good luck!

[redpoppies]

you guys! i'm so crazy. he called today, was traveling all weekend (skiing with one of his best buddies), and got very sick with a stomach bug last night (which is when he was planning on calling).

sigh.

but to answer your questions... he is in western europe (a gracious plenty of internet cafes). he just moved in to his apartment last week and, due to construction, internet and land line phone were not yet working (landlord was supposed to fix that today). he's walking a verrrrry thin line at work, not wanting to do anything to get in trouble, so he is trying to not use his work phone to call the US often or download skype on his computer. this morning i told him that i just learned you can get skype on your phone (!!!!!!) and he said as soon as he quits being sick he's going to look into that.

oh what crazy fools we are when we're separated from our lovies, eh?!?!

thank you so much for your replies!