[daffadil]

Well, as many of you may know, I have delusional dissorder. In a nut shell, I believe my boyfriend wants to be with someone better than me. I know I am an attractive intelligent person, yet I always feel there is someone better out there that he wants to be with. It affects everything in my life, I can't watch TV without thinking "if I only looked like that, he would never leave me". Now try to imagine my life when we go out somewhere. It usually ends in a fight because I think I saw him looking in the general direction of another female. I am with a great guy, I know he would never cheat on me, but deep down I think he's going to leave me for someone better. I am in therapy and on medication. So that is my problem, but I have a lot of issues with trust that go along with this and I actually trusted him. But this weekend I caught him in a lie. He told me he went to a friends house for a couple drinks but he actually went to a bar with them. I have BIG issues with bars, especially when I'm not there. When I confronted him, he said it was no big deal, he just didn't think he could tell me because I would flip out. I would have. But now I feel that all the things I used to think are true. About how all men lie, and no one could be happy just with me. I can't tell anymore when I'm being delusional and when I am reacting normally to a situation. Now I'm back to my way of thinking that he's a great guy in every other way, and I'll never find anyone who won't cheat and lie to me so I might as well just accept it. I know he was wrong for lying to me, but am I wrong for thinking that a little lie means he can and probably will tell a big lie?

[Peanut61]

Hi Daffodil - tis nice to see you back. It seems to me that you have a lot of insight into what you are feeling and why, so I'm not sure how you could be thought to be dellusional. Many of us have our insecurities come out in situations such as you describe, however, since it is not illness based, you do have control over how you react to the situation, right? It may require taking the leap of faith that many of us find so difficult to do, especially when we have trust issues, and have been deceived in the past.

Of course it was wrong of him to lie to you. That's not delusional at all. It seems to me that you have every right to get that straightened out with him. After you do that, though, it seems like it would be a good idea to look at the evidence of whether he has ever given you a reason to distrust him, and if not, then you can decide to try to have some faith in him, (I know it's difficult, really I do).

When you're feeling calm, maybe try to discuss some of this with him, but not in a blaming way. Tell him how important it is to you for him to be always truthful, and, on your end, make a commitment to try not to 'flip out', (as you put it), without getting some facts first.

Take care, and, again, it's good to hear from you. Fondly, Peanut

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