[tribalwolf]

I had made good friends with 2 different women on 2 different support sites and gotten very close to both of them. One I've known over a year the other just over 4 months. When I became friends with both these women I never intended to get into a relationship either. The first has been married for 3o plus years, but the relationship with as dissolved to nothing over the past 2 1/2 years, There's no intimacy no closeness of any kind. The second the woman just came out of a relationship of Over the last few months I have developed strong feeling fr both of these woman and they have for me. This past weekend I spent intimately with the second and now have just made plans to get together with the first. I have stronger deeper feeling for the first as I have know her much longer, but still have strong feelings for the second plus have already been with her, I know I must sound like a real POS, but I don't want anyone to get hurt. I just don't know what to do .Advise please I really need help with this.

Tribalwolf

Put yourself in the place of the women involved. What do you think they would want you to do?

[Leed]

Personally, i think you should stay away from BOTH of them. Someone is going to get HURT. It always happens that way. Leave them ALONE. Sheeesh.

[salukigirl]

No matter what you do someone will be hurt. And I understand you never meant to get into this situation. You say you have deeper feelings for the first, how EXACTLY do you feel about them separately? I would be honest with them, of course. And find out their feelings EXACTLY. You don't want to blow one off and ruin a friendship or relationship on a hunch just to find out you're wrong.

I really don't have any better advice. I hope it all works out for you.

[Yoda]

If you are going to continue to see them both you must be honest with them that you are not ready to commit and want to be free to see other women. My best advice is take things slowly whether you are seeing one or both. Take plenty of time before you say I love you, before you talk about being exclusive or living together. When you are infatuated relationships seem better than they often turn out to be.

[NuckingFutz]

I agree with Yoda on the infatuation thing. I have recently been where one of your two women are and I hated finding out that he wasn't over the first before we got together (he thought he was, yeah, right). He was tortured the whole relationship, both of us women were too. I let go and he wanted to go back. He did this twice and if I didn't have such a strong emotional backbone and this place to get help, I would be a real mess right now.

I think the best thing to do is to NICELY end it with both until you get your head clear. That means no contact with either (no IMs, no texts, no emails, phonecalls or visits to cloud your thinking. It is very healing and that is what I am doing. My ex is still not happy because he keeps ringing me up and leaving messages and I just delete them before listening to them.

I tried talking it out with him and all he could do is talk about her and that hurt.

We will be here for you.

[violetmoons]

Personally,I would come clean with both.Tell the truth and give them the right to choose if they want to continue on.What would you want them to do if things were reversed?I can honestly see how or why this happens.But,even if we make mistakes we can try to get honest.I think the fact that you have concern speaks volumes,compared to so many.

You don't sound like a POS .If you could work this the way you wanted,what would that look like?Don't be so hard on yourself.I wish I knew better what to say.((((hope you feel less burdened soon))))~W~

[cc.sunflower]

Are you supposed to be exclusive with either one of these women? Dating more than one person is normal unless you are supposed to be exclusive with just one person.
But are you telling them that you are not dating anyone else?
Eventually, you will have to make a decision and someone will probably get hurt.

[suepark]

i agree with being upfront - i swear even if everyone hates your guts or yells at you - it takes balls to be that honest, and it will save time and gain you a lot of respect. feelings are feelings and you can't help the way you feel. a good way to start and i'd want to hear something like this if i was one of those ladies , is i have to come clean and be honest with you because i respect you and don't want to mislead anyone or hurt you. and come clean. at the end, it will sve you a lot of time and make you feel a lot better about yourself.

[LookingforCalm]

I agree with the others on this - you have to be honest.

However, seeing as the first is still married and the other just got out of a relationship - I think you are playing with the fires of two vulnerable women. Whether or not the first woman's marriage is failing, she is still married.

The second one is just in for the rebound thing, and I don't see much good coming of that. After having dated myself this summer, I learned that anyone fresh out of a relationship isn't looking for another - they're just looking for sex.

Just be careful, and be honest with both of them. But I think you really need to think about what it is YOU want out of these relationships...