[Tivity]

I can be a rather to-the-point-person when I need to be so in order to keep things simple I'll do this in point form

My parents:
-Are concerned I'm depressed
-Suddenly realised i left all my friends behind and my mother is blaming it on my fiance (despite the fact I left them before I met him)
-My mother told my fiance she would NEVER be happy with our getting married

My fiance
-have been together for a year and a half 2 month engaged
-Didnt understand for a long time I was depressed and was concerned our relationship was falling apart
-Is headstrong. If someone seriously offends him he believes they are not worth his time
-My mother told him to his face that she will never be happy with us getting married
-Is fighting with himself because his usual pattern of behaviour dictates he should tell her to shove off and never deal with her again, while he is trying desperatly to get over it because he loves me and wants everyone to get along
-Fears I am going to listen to my mother and leave him

We all didn't speak for a week and now my parents are trying to be gun hoe about trying to talk to us again while my fiance is still reeling at what my mother said and is still viciously hurt.

I'm stuck in the middle, My fiance asked if I'd just drop communications with them for just a little while, so he has time to get over it, but my parents want to patch things up now. i'm afraid of my parents being overbearing while I'm also afraid my fiance will never get over his hurt, thus he will never want to see my parents.

I'm stuck in the middle. I have no idea how to proceed

what an awful position to be put in. boy, i'd be pissed at your mom if i were you. i think it would be good if you talked to your mom and told her how upset you are that she said what she did to your fiance. personally, i'd insist she apologize to him. it's one thing for her to feel the way she does about him but to tell him is very hurtful. she's your mom so i think you have to be the one to set some boundaries with her, so she knows this sort of behavior is not acceptable to you. i know that isn't easy at all though. overbearing parents are such a pain in the rear to deal with. trust me i know.

[salukigirl]

I'm so sorry they are putting you in this position! That is not fair to you at all!

If you two are getting married they need to learn to deal with each other. Granted you are kind of in the middle, you shouldn't be. If my mom and my boyfriend had issues together I would tell my mom to call him herself. Just like if I had a problem with his mom or dad, I would let him know my issue and, if it didn't get resolved, I would go directly to them.

Parents can be so friggen annoying sometimes. You gotta do what's right for you. If you are really happy with this guy and don't want to buy into what your mom says, just tell her to stick it. I'm not well versed in this area bc, luckily, my mother is very "do whatever makes you happy". So while it sounds easy when I write it, I understand if it's harder to do than say.

I hope you all can figure something out bc this isn't a healthy relationship complex.

[Tivity]

I've never seen my mother act like this which is what is so frustrating. I think she is scared and doesn't understand my depression and is therefore looking for a target to pin it on.

[salukigirl]

That makes sense and it sounds like you know the driving force. You need to confront these issues. If you feel that she is projecting her feelings onto you or your fiancee then tell her that. Tell her you understand why she is scared but that she needs to let go of those feelings. It's hard for a mom to let go of their baby, y'know? I'm 23 and my mom still looks at me like her baby, and always will. But they both need to get control of these misguided emotions before something explodes. Good luck!

[Tivity]

yea my mom is still trying to do that, if I don't come see her every weekend she's convinced I hate her -_- I'm not a baby anymore