[LadyDi930]

Is anyone else here in a long distance relationship?

I have been dating J since late December. He lives about an hour and a half from me, which I know isn't a huge distance compared to some, but it's far enough to make it hard. Not only is he a distance away but he also has an extremely demanding job. He's a paramedic, working Mon-Fri with a fire department and coordinating a volunteer FD on his nights and weekends. This makes things even more difficult. We see eachother about once every 2 weeks for a night or 2, sometimes more often if we can swing it. I have 2 school age kids and am in college full time so for me to go stay with him through the week is difficult.

In a way I think the distance is good. I really want to get my mental health in order before having him around 24/7. I have a very bad habit of rushing into relationships. The last 2 I've been in, I was living with my partners within the first month. With J being so busy and far away, we are forced to take things slower. I think this will help our relationship in the long run. Doesn't make it any easier to not miss him though.

I brought all this up in counseling and my counselor seems confident that she can help me work through the separation anxiety I'm dealing with. Just wondering if anyone else is in a LDR and has any advice!?

[sabby]

Hi LadyDi,

I was in a LDR for a number of years. Me, in the states and him in Eastern Europe. We did get married, but unfortunately, we are now going through a divorce. People change....it happens. It's unfortunate, but we did have a great time together for a number of years.

It's sooooooo hard to be separated....whether it's half a world away or an hour and a half away, it doesn't matter. The best thing I think the two of you can do is to keep in touch via texting and/or emails. Emails are great, because you can have some really wonderful and deep conversations via email. Send each other poems and/or songs that are meaningful to you...share them with each other. To have someone take a few minutes out of their busy day to compose an email and send it really helps you to feel more connected.

Talk on the phone when you can...even if just a 15 minute call right before bed to check in on each other and say goodnight.

I think this is a good way for you to take it more slowly with the fella. Get to know him better and let him get to know you better too. If it is meant to be, no amount of space between you will matter at the end of the day.

Wishing you well!

[LadyDi930]

Thank you for your response Sabby!!

I cannot imagine being separated by states, let alone countries. I am thankful that I do get the opportunity to see him every couple weeks.

I do make an effort to keep in touch with him and he's been making efforts as well through texting. However yesterday and the day before, I just got 1 text each day. Like I mentioned above, he is extremely busy. There's times he's gone all day long on calls and by the time he gets home, he just crashes. He's not a huge phone person so that's hard but I'm hoping that as the relationship progresses, communication will improve. I'm definitely learning about him and the way he "operates".

I think the communication issue is something that make this harder on me. When we're together, things are great!!! We get along wonderfully, we can't be close enough to each other and it's hard for us to say goodbye. But for the time between visits, it's all business. He's been begging me to just trust him, know that he thinks about me constantly, he doesn't want to be with anyone else and wants to see where things with us go. I'm working with my counselor on my constant need for reassurance.

I do think the distance is going to be positive in the long run.

[distancedistressed]

I've been in a long distance relationship for quite some time. 8 months... made this account during my despairity obviously...haha
But everything between my girl and me is working out well now. As long as you stay in touch as much as possible and reassure each other when it gets tough, then you can get through it. Video chatting is an option you might wanna try to be with him more often. My girlfriend is halfway across the country and is fourteen hours away from me. I can only see her several times a year, so frequent phone calls, video chats, and even texts help to keep us together. Hope it works out for you

[LadyDi930]

Thank you distancedistressed!! I'm glad to hear that things with your girlfriend are going well now. Did it take a few months to get into the swing of things and get used to it? I feel like I'm getting stronger by the day, especially with help from my counselor. I know that I am lucky that I get to see him every 2 weeks but of course, I'd love him to be a part of my daily life. Someday we'll get there, I hope!

[sabby]

Hi LadyDi,

There is one thing that I want to say though about this situation. Since he is so busy all the time, if by chance you two were ever to live together sometime down the road, are you prepared to have him away from home as much as he is? Are you prepared to have him come home and crash every night?

This sounds like something that is not going to change anytime in the near future. If it is his lifestyle, expecting him to change it probably isn't going to make the relationship work any better.

I'm not trying to put a damper on your relationship, I'm just trying to get you to think about this and not just go by "emotions"

[LadyDi930]

Sabby, I totally understand your questioning my ability to handle the demands of his job. I am very confident that I could handle him being away from home for work. I am a pretty independent person who is very possessive of my personal space so to have him out of the house during work hours won't be an issue (that I forsee). I just crave seeing him more often than every 2 weeks. It would be so much easier if we could even just be in the same town. But for now, I'm using this space and distance to work on me!!

[distancedistressed]

Well Lady Di, we pretty much have a system when we talk and chat now. Do to complications we can only talk at night... but I'm just happy I can see her in video chat [: we're both very happy together, but there are sometimes when we both down each other. At those times the best thing to do is keep reassuring and reminding when we'll be able to see each other again. We just need to cool down, if you really care about your man, and he really cares about you, then I don't see why it shouldn't work for you. Be happy together, and you'll get through anything. [: