[Estee1]

I have had major troubles with someone who has borderline. What makes it harder is that some of my ocd thoughts revolve around this friend. So as a result, I try to constantly push this friend away. But at the same time this friend smothers me. Phone calls several times a day, not leaving my house when I ask him to, texting probably fifty messages a day and if I don't reply I get harassed and pursued. Some would call it stalking. He follows me until he finds me. He is so scared that I will leave but the thing he doesn't understand is that by chasing me I am becoming more and more afraid of him. He is terrified that I will abandon him.
I feel bad because i know that I over react because of my anxiety. He is not the only person that I have been afraid of. I get terrified that people are going to harm me. He is not nice alot of the time but other times is so lovely. He says sorry thousands of times and it means nothing to me. He holds me against my will and won't let me go. Sitting on me and stopping me from leaving when he has something that he wants to discuss. I just shut down inside and I don't know what to say.
I feel so trapped. He told me that it didn't matter where I went, that he would follow me there. He said that he couldn't live without me and that he would die. He gets a bit suicidal when I appear to be leaving him. Everytime I try to get some space he freaks out and starts questioning me. No answer I give is right because some of the stuff he says is just his perception and not in touch with reality.
He says that I'm not spending enough time with him, but the amount of time that he wants to spend with me is very unreasonable. I feel guilty about how I use my time already because the ocd takes up so much of my life. So you can imagine how much distress I feel. He demands that I spend time with him and he will hunt me down until i give in. I have been through this for years and I don't know how to get him away from me. I am sick of the way he treats me. It really hurts. It seems so crazy. It's like the plot for a soap opera, only it is real. It is my life.
This guy is completely obsessed with me and wants to be my friend even if I don't want to be his friend anymore. I have tried to get away so many times but always get sucked back into the friendship. He always says that he's changed but time has shown that he hasn't because of the things he is saying to me. I feel so trapped.
I know that I contribute to the problem as well. I have trouble expressing how i feel because i am so afraid of his reaction. He gets so angry sometimes. I don't pretend to be innocent because I have let it get this bad but it's something I simply cannot seem to get away from. He hasn't been diagnosed with borderline but t told me that it appears that he is borderline and I looked up what the symptoms are. He fits it to a te. He hides himself very well. People only see his fun loving side and also the anger. But I see so much more. I am so frightened of him sometimes that I hide inside my house in the corner. I just don't know if my fear is acceptable. Other people don't react to him like this. I don't know if the fear is just my mental illness or because of the way he is. It's so hard. I see no end to this torture. He either love me so much that he smothers me or he turns into someone who wants me punished when he thinks that I am rejecting him.

[wi_fighter]

Just my oponion, but that sounds more like emotional abuse to me. Regardless of what it is, you need to set some firm boundaries for your own safety.

Good luck.

[dogtanian]

yep, i have experience of a borderline friend getting frightening - you have to set boundaries, otherwise you are unable to have any kind of defence of your self - everybody has to respect certain areas of other people that are off limits, borderline friends included. try to be firm and set boundaries, but attempt to do so in such a way as your friend doesn't become frightened by it - ie don't be aggressive or too defensive, but be firm and clear and strict.

good luck! x

[LMo]

I dated someone like this. Unfortunately, as great of a guy as he was, I ended up cutting the cord. There was too much back/forth and it seemed almost impossible to just take some steps back... he wouldn't have it that way.

You know, this might be a good question for the folks in the Personality Place forum... maybe getting advice from someone who actually HAS borderline would give a useful perspective on how you can work with your friend in a way that you're both comfortable with.

Good luck!
LMo

[jennie]

you are not responsible for him or his behavior. he is stalking you. he should respect your boundaries.

change your phone number and don't give it to him. get caller ID. don't let him into your home. don't talk to him.

he has no right to your personal information. don't feel you need to explain yourself to him.

please consider reading more online about this type of abuse and ways to be more assertive.

a great place to begin is this site: http://www.drirene.com/victimpages.htm
check out articles on: (1) Borderline Personality Disorder ABUSE, (2) What is Abuse, (3) Anatomy of Abuse, (4) How to Cope with Abuse

another good website: Abuse

[SilkySpeed7]

restraining order? I had to do this. I got a two year Harrassment one and there is not aday that goes by that I dont think of her and yet at the same time i know that it was for hte best for both of it as there are such things as unhealthy relationships.

[Estee1]

Thanks. I'll look at those sites. I wonder if I'll ever escape him sometimes. But I will.

[Estee1]

I've looked into that. That might have to happen. Hope it doesn't come to that. But it might be the best thing for him because he doesn't see that what he does is wrong or abnormal or he doesn't care. Whichever way it is, it has to stop because it causes me alot of distress. Life wasn't mean to be like this. I want to live life, not endure it.

[dogtanian]

very well said estee you have to put yourself first sometimes, and if this situation is making your life harder, you have to find a way out of the situation. it isn't good when things get to the legal level of stuff like restraining orders, but sometimes, it's necessary. good luck! x

[dogtanian]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
estee1 said: I want to live life, not endure it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

one of my favourite song lyrics goes "what it is to be alive, and not just to survive" - it's true, and what you said is too

[Estee1]

Thanks. That sounds like a cool song. I'm just hoping that he leaves me alone as he is doing at the moment. He usually can't leave me alone for long though. Just when I think that I'm free he comes back again with his horrible words to torture me.